adoption?

[bobbie21]

I don't want to be that selfish mother but there are two guys who can be the father of my unborn child. One is my boyfriend that I chose to have sex with and another that was rape. I'm so afraid it's the guy that has raped me. I don't think I can even look at my baby if it's his. For the longest Itry to just think it's my Bf , he's excited for her and it makes me feel better. But if it's not I don't know what I can do. I know I should never blame an innocent child on anything but if you would of went through what I did I'm sure you'll understand. I feel sick to my stomach even thinking I'm having this man's baby. I went to the copss and now they're looking for him. I constantly having dreams he's coming back. Ugh I don't know what to do. I'm not even attached to my unborn baby. It's just there, I'm too afraid to get attached just in case it's not my Bfs, . Even buying stuff for the baby or even trying to find a name doesn't feel right. I can't do anything and I feel as if its because I think it's that guys and I don't want to do all of this for no reason. I wanted to give the baby away to a family, but I don't want to have them think they're having a baby and later it turns out it's actually my Bfs and I just crushed them. I have 5 more weeks till I give birth what do you suppose I do. Should I try finding a family or wait. Because I don't know what I'll do if it's that guys

[mmcdaniel87]

I'm sorry for the situation you're in, I don't know what I'd do in your shoes. Just some things to consider in your position are:
1. A couple shouldn't stay together "just for the kids." By this I mean it's okay to try to work out your differences, but if you come to the conclusion that no one's happy, it's time to move on. The relationship would end up getting unbearable eventually and you'd end up hating each other.
2. Worse case scenario here (you see it on the news, I'm sure)- If the baby turned out to be the rapists child, and you didn't fall in love with it at first sight and keep it, you may end up resenting it. By all means, you should give it to someone who could love it if you felt that way. I see too much where people decide they don't want their kids and hurt/kill them by leaving them in hot cars and stuff like that, trying to play it off like it was an accident. Half the time, they get away with it. It's really sad.
Now, I'm not trying to say you're capable of any of that afterall, I don't know you. I also got a little off topic, but I was just trying to use an example of the worse thing resentment could cause. If there's a possibility you could feel that way you should give it up. Also, I have heard where rapist father children and fight for visitation rights. Good luck in your situation, and I hope they find that ******* and castrate him.

[mrs_farris]

Sorry you're going through this,  and I'm sorry that people referred to your rapist as a "sperms donor". That is incredibly rude and implies consent.  There is nothing wrong with putting the baby up for adoption if it turns out your rapist impregnated you. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it.  If it turns out that the person who raped you is the father and you decide to keep the baby, you should know that certain states give visitation rights to rapists.

[bobbie21]

Oh no I'm not afraid of my bf leaving me. From the first comment I had a person understood that my bf is gonna be there evenn if the child isn't his.like" he's such an amazing man" And then I tried commenting that once he finds out the baby isn't his he would leave. I'm not trying to give my baby away because of some guy. if it's my bfs baby I would obviously Keep the baby and love it even if my bf turns out not wanting to be together. It's the guy that raped me is the problem I'm just afraid the baby is his. And my bf does know that there's a possibility the baby might not be his. He loves to repeat that when we have our lil fights. It can be either man. And I made my bf understand even tho theres a possibility the baby might not be his that there's still a huge possibility it is. So we are together. But he still doesn't do anything for me or the baby anyways. I feel stupid even calling him my boyfriend. He's not doing anything because of that possibility. But sometimes when he's with me I see how excited he is and how he's never leaving my stomach alone. Always talks to the baby and trys to feel her kick . Just lil cute things. But other than that he's probably praying it's not his and that's why he's not even bothering to help me out now. Even knowing I don't work and I barely have anything for the baby, but gladly I have a family that is helping me lil by lil. I mean my family barely even has money for themselves and there helping me out so much.

[expecting6thbaby]

It is your baby no matter who the father is. Take deep breaths and calm yourself then just don't think about any of this until after you have the baby and have it tested to know there is a problem. When you have the baby and they .go to hand it to you. Look at your baby and don't think about any guy just take a moment just after birth for you and your baby and just stare.  You did the right thing by having this baby,  but in what you wrote is you are worried about this guy and that he's gonna leave if it's not his baby. A bad thing happened to you yes but this baby is wonderful and would love you no matter who it's daddy is and it is more important then any man. If after you and the baby have time to spend together if you can't deal than call and find a home but please don't even include a guy in this decision.  Guys come and go but no matter what you do this baby is yours forever.... if you can't deal than adoption is a great thing... good luck and I hope it's your boyfriend s to make it easy for you. I know this is hard..

[PeachesRM]

Question: u said in ur comment ur bf think the child is his and u no it's not... But u convinced him that it was that's why he's happy....  Do he know that u were "raped" .. If he don't know u need  to be honest with him and let him know its a possible that the child isn't his... From ur last comment it sounds as if u dont want the child not because u was raped but because its may not be ur boyfriends and he will leave.. So u told him what he needed to hear to stay... Now as far as the rape goes I will pray for u and pray that the person that did this to u pays!!

[mamabear8911]

Depending how far along you are they can do a dna test  while you're pregrant if dont want to wait till birth, ask your dr! But I'm glad u decide to keep the baby n not abort it! I'm sorry for ur sitution. I recommend u wait till your baby is born and see if the results. Even if hes not the babys daddy, u might still bond with ur baby n keep it! If not u can always change ur mind and put baby up for adoption. I have a friend who was raped and swore wasnt going to care for her rapists baby. Guess what that day her son was born,  she heard him cry and held him for the first time..she fall in love and rasied her son..best of luck and u will do what u feel is best for u and ur child

[Jaci1024]

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Is your boyfriend willing to raise the baby with you even if it is not his? Just because you had a "sperm donor" doesn't mean that this baby will forever be a reminder. You can change your path of life and make it a very happy time for the three of you. However if you did want to give the baby up which is totally your choice and no one will judge you for it. I do believe that as far as the connection between you and the baby that is something that can come as soon as you see her. Not everyone is connected to their baby while in utero. I think you should wait to find out the paternity results prior and then find a family. That is my opinion. Good luck please keep us posted.

[bobbie21]

Yeah but my bf knows there's a possibility it's his and it's not. He's only around because he thinks it's his. Once he finds out its not he's not gonna be around. He has no kids and never wanted kids. He even told me straight up before that he hopes this kid isn't his so he doesn't have to deal with all of this. Now I got him to realize and understand it's his kid that he's gonna be a father, and that's what's making him excited because im having his first child. I know that doesn't seem like it's not a big deal but this man is 27 years older than me . He lived his life now he's finally having a baby so it kinda is a big deal to him. But yeah I guess I will wait till I give birth and see how all of this turns out and if it turns out not being his then I'll see and consider adoption. Of course I would want the best for my daughter I would want a nice family and home and a nice Christian family. I want her to have it good.

[MamaMacMurtry]

I was raped too, when I was very young. Both fortunately & unfortunately, I was too young for pregnancy to be an option-but if it had been, I think it would have been hard for me too. I still occasionally wake up in a cold sweat with the sensation of him inside me & I cry myself back to sleep. Its been 25 years. I think you should try to focus on how happy your boyfriend is, sometimes that can be infectious. Even if he isn't biologically your little girl's sperm donor-he's decided to be that child's daddy. That's pretty huge. Anyone can make a baby, but it takes a man to be a father. I would say, wait until you meet her. Talk to your doctor & your boyfriend about your concerns & feelings ahead of time. Let them know that you might consider adoption if the baby isn't his. And then wait & meet her. You may find that when you see her, everything else wont matter. Sometimes beautiful wonderful things come out of horrible experiences we don't know if we can survive. And if you meet her-and find out she's his & you don't think you can love her. That's okay too. Have a plan in place & put her up for adoption.