Mother-in-Law Problems!

[Bri_13]

I'm 28 weeks pregnant and I'm having a daughter, but I feel like I'm not having MY daughter, but my boyfriend's mom's daughter (OK she'she's not really my mother in law but it sure feels like it.) I feel like this woman is taking over my motherly duties such as buying the coming home outfit, buying my daughter's first Christmas dress, telling me how I need to do this or that and even telling me that my daughter should have my boyfriend's last name. She always wanted a little girl but ended up having 3 boys. I understand her excitement but I feel like some of the stuff she is doing I should be doing for my baby. Have any of you had to deal with something like this before? If so, how did you deal with it?

[Albertamama81]

Its great she's excited BUT you need to set up healthy boundaries. This is your daughter and she needs to realize this.
Don't allow her to make you feel bad or guilt you in to anything especially manipulation. This is a very special time in your life and she needs to step back and allow you and her son to enjoy it.
Good Much sweetie - All the best !!!!

[firsttime_mommy_to_be]

I'm in the same position with my "MIL". My bf and I don't live together yet but we've been looking for a place together and now she randomly steals him away to look at places without me. She hates diving so she wants to make sure we stay real close so she can be there anytime she wants. I understand when you say she's sensitive so talking to her is difficult but as mothers-to-be we have to think about our child and what is best for him/her and our growing family. Remind him how you feel and stick by it. No one should take this enjoyment away.

[Bri_13]

That's exactly what she was saying! Saying it was her little girl. I didn't mind it at first but when she started talking about doing stuff that I always thought a mom should do with her child or something I wanted to do with my kid, something inside just snapped and my immediate thought was "this is MY baby" thank you moms/expecting mom's this helps alot

[jaceandkhimommy]

I am something like passive aggressive when it comes to confrontations unless I am pissed. But I have a MIL and she started off saying oh this is my little girl I am going to this this and that so I let it slide a little until one day aaid with a laugh but firmness in my voice. REMEMBER YOU ARE JUST THE GRANDMOTHER AND I AM THE MOTHER SO ALL OF THE FINAL SAY ON THINGS IS BETWEEN ME AND HER DAD. IF YOU HAVE THOUGHTS I HAVE NO PROBLEM LISTENING BUT IF I DONT LIKE IT OR WANT IT DONT TAKE IT PERSONAL BUT I AM THE MOM. oh and she was pissed but had to respect my decision.  So now she says can I do you will you mind etc. She had even invited herself to sleep at my hpuse when she is born to take care of her. My husband told her hell no we need our own time with our daughter she can visit. You have to tell her but you and your childs father need to be in agreement.  Hope this helps.

[Tamy92]

I actually had the same issue for my first ....she was trying to tell me with what clothe I need it to take him out when he was born, what should I do and everything in between but it got worth when he was born she was telling me when to fit him taking him a bath etc....anyways I told her how I felt with the way she was getting in between my son and I obviously with respect and she back off

[Bri_13]

Thank you guys. Awesome advice...though my boyfriend doesn't have/see a problem with his mom

[KristiGG]

Honestly you shouldn't be the one to deal with it, your boyfriend should be.  He needs to tell her that he wants to go with you to pick out these things so you have these special memories and bonding moments.  That she can take the little one for special treats and outfits but holiday clothes, coming home clothes and name decisions will be between you and him.  You guys could also invite both your moms on a shopping trip for thr coming home outfit if you want them to feel included.  I definitely know what you are going thru.  I never changed my last name which bothers my mother in law and now I am having my third child and everyone keeps telling me its their turn to pick the name. But this will only get worse if your boyfriend doesn't talk to her now.  It does have to be handled delicately tho.  Another thing you could do if she doesn't work and lives close ask if once the baby is born can she come over for an hour or two and play with baby while you shower or nap (you will needs this time believe me).  Or maybe at least once a week for a while.  My mom started over doing so I just had her come over on her way home everyday to play with my first born.  The two have such a special bond now and my mom got that so she stopped over doing other stuff.

[Heather4800]

You have to sit down and talk to her.  Tell her you love that she is excited.  Ask her to invite you next time she goes to do something for the baby because you're excited to.

[Bri_13]

She's so sensitive. No matter how nice I could be, she will get really upset and offended.

[JrMommy22]

You need to have a seat with her and tell her how you feel , let her  know you appreciate what She's doing but she's doing a little to much