need someone to talk too..

[Daisygonz]

Well today my husband and I got in a big argument in front of our new born..
Here it goes.
My parents are living with us right now
And since I have birth my mom has been helping out with cooking and cleaning .
She brings me breakfast if I don't go downstairs by 9:30am. And makes me lunch if she sees nothing being made by my husband. She is always telling me to cover up my back and tells me what to eat and not to eat and etc. Well my husband finally said he has anger towards my mom because she is budding in to much.I told him the one reason she cooks for me is because she doesn't see you make anything for me to eat and etc. (He has cooked once for me) anyways long story short I'm tired of my husband talking down to me. When I start crying over something or get emotional he has told me (shut the *** up already). I mean I feel like I can't talk to him or tell him how I feel .. Him and j have had problems before about the the he treats me and etc. And I thought it would get better and he would change but he hasn't.. Idk what to do. I will not stay with someone that yells and me and tells me to shut up and etc especially now that we have our son... I'm sorry guys km just venting. I have no one to talk too.

[rockland45]

Oh I'm sorry your husband hasn't responded better to your attempts to address these issues or look into counseling. But definitely still think about seeing a therapist on your own if you can - no matter what you decide the future holds for your marriage. I think it can really make a huge difference in moving forward with your life and finding some healing. ((Hugs))!

gardensparrow

"Happiness is a warm puppy" ~ Charles Schultz

[emmadelema]

Arguing  back and just pray their has been a complete change in him yeah he's still an *** sometimes I can be one to. And he's probably stressed out new baby everyone in the house I know mom is helping its better if she helps from a distance I would work out new arrangements this is just my opinion and thoughts hope it gets better if not you seem to have a good support system leave his ***

[emmadelema]

My man behaves like an *** to real short temper I feel what you are going through I have learned to ignore him when he's on his period and never take it person I pray for him thats all I can do prayer changes everything. Since I stopping argu

[cbearsmummy]

You did the right thing speaking to him & telling him how you felt & what your actions would be. I nor anyone can tell you what choice to make. You need to stand up for yourself & your bub shouldn't think it's normal for his mint to be spoken to like that but you & your partner need to figure out the best way to deal with it. I wish you luck & hope everything works out!

[Daisygonz]

We have always had problems since we got married..  I should have left him for what he put me through but I stayed...
I tried talking to him today. And it didn't go well at all.. I told him it wasn't right for him go ignore my mom when she us trying to talk to him about anything ( he starts Reding his magazine when she trys to have a convo with him)
I told him how I wish he would help me more through the night because he never wakes up when our baby is crying. (Maybe he has 3times since he was born and another time when I woke him up he started yelling at me)
I told him that I need help cleaning the room and bathroom.. He got upset and he put our son on the couch and went upstairs.. I kept asking him for us to have a normal convo but he keeps ignoring me. I told him I am not going to be taking this no more especially since we have our son. I don't want my son to see the way his father talks down to me and ignores me.. Idk what to do. I feel very alone.... After everything we have been through and what his family has pit me through I would at least think he would treat me better.... I think we need some time apart. But idk if that's the best thing.. I tried telling him about counseling but he said no...

[3rdNdone]

Was he that way towards you before your parents and the baby came?

[rockland45]

I'm sorry you're dealing with this during your pregnancy. I'm sure having your husband speak to you like that right now is pretty discouraging. Is this something that just started happening recently or has it been an ongoing pattern in your marriage? But, either way, if you're having a hard time making him understand how this is making you feel, you may want to consider getting input from a counselor. I think they could you some guidance on how to respond to his behavior. In the meantime, I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. Hang in there!

[mjoen828]

Yeah you should tell him what you told us. He shouldnt be acting like that especially since your the one who just gave birth and im sure youe doing mostly everything for baby. You have a son now he needs to be a role model for. He should want his son to treat the woman that he loves better than how he has treated you.

[megansmiles]

Tell him exactly what you just told us

[b4b]

I am on baby number 4, and I can honestly say the worst after birth time I had was when my mom came down three days after my daughter was born. My husband usually gets the day of birth and two days after off work so I am on my own once we get home. Some things are tough and somethings just don't get done, but there was never as much strain on our relationship as when my mother was there. I actually over heard her talking down to and belittling my husband and where he did not feel he had the right to fight back with my mom, I did not have the same issue. You may need to make sure your mother isn't trying to sabotage your relationship. There is no excuse for the way he is talking to you, please don't think I am condoning his behavior, but it would seem like there is a definite driving force and from what you said about his going back to work I would place my bet on your mother doing or saying something directly to him to make him feel second best or unimportant to you and baby. Hope this helps, I will pray for you.

[MiskayRams]

I think u have an awesome mom and.i really think it wont be noce if you just tell her to butt out,i mean she is helping and caring for her child..You ahould deal with your man,do you honestly think that if your mom was not there he would react differently?,I somehow doubt that..i say try to speaktto him calmly or even write him a letter,tel him you love him and how all the fights and arguments are affectinf you,maybe also go out to dinner with him just the two of you..Also pray,it works dear...

[knufrio]

Your husband shouldn't talk down to you like that, but at the same time you don't need to be waited on hand and foot. He may feel like your mother is overstepping her boundaries (which it sounds like she may be) and that may make him feel like less of a husband. Talk to him calmly about your concerns, without getting upset.

[Daisygonz]

Mamiofstb3
You're right i should tell my mom that.....
And she's old school so she thinks I'll get air in my back and etc..

[Newmummy657]

I can understand having parents living with you especially with a new bub in the house would put strain on your relationship! Here is my advice-
Set a time up with him to talk, it can be at home or you guys can go to a park or somewhere outside of your home. Don't just confront him about it, tell him you want to talk about blah and set a time so that he can think about it before hand, same as you.
Tell him how you feel, don't raise your voice to him. If he starts to yell just say conversation over and make another time when you both are calm again.
Also, I know he can't treat you this way for any reason, but it is also his home and he may be struggling with having your parents around. Ask your mum to step back a little and let the hubby do a few things. Men are not like us sometimes they need to be asked. So if your hungry and can't get it yourself ask him for help, im sure he would appreciate that too.

[Daisygonz]

@cbearsmummy
That's amazing that your husband was supportive even while he was working...
My husband has 6 weeks off so he has been home with us the whole time..
In our argument he even said he should go back to work so my mom can take care of me and baby. I told him if my mom would see you actually take care of me she wouldn't be making me breakfast and etc... I see other husbands take care of their Wifes and that they are lovable towards them and I just pray I had that.

[mamiofstb3]

I feel like a compromise is in order. I feel like he's stressed because your parents and is taking it out on you. Him talking to you like that is not ok but I'll admit that when I've been extremely frustrated with ny husband, I've said that. I think you need to tell your mom you love her but to back off! Sounds to me like she's being completely overbearing and not giving your husband the time to do anything for you. And what's with her telling you to cover your back??? You're not a child and in your own home. You could walk around naked if you wanted and guests or not, they shouldn't judge or say a thing cuz it's your own home!!! My dad will chill in his undies if I go there too early and he's not expecting us. Even my husband has seen it on an occasion or two but it's his house and I try to come at pants on times. Lol!!!!

[Daisygonz]

Thank you m_r_p
I try to talk to him but he doesn't seem to care or listen at all... He just tells me to stop talking....
I mean it's not like he hasn't helped around the house.  He has washed baby's clothes and ours..
But I just wish he would not talk down to me and Make me feel like I'm dumb...
I just want my baby to remember good memories not of arguing and etc.

[cbearsmummy]

My partner worked 7 days a week & long hours when we brought our first home so naturally our relationship was strained but he knows there's a line. He would always be supportive when I was emotional & would always try to make sure I was eating & cared fir whilst he wasn't there. The point I'm making is that even in a strained relationship there needs to be respect & care otherwise it could spiral down somewhere unsavable. It does not sound like your partner is doing the right thing by you no matter how much strain having your parents there is putting on him. You need to tell him your concerns & what your feelings & actions will be if he doesn't change his ways. If it makes you feel better my mum not so much but my dad would be doing all the same things your mum is doing if he thought I wasn't getting everything I needed after just having a baby. Good luck!

[miracle_mommy2014]

Or maybe with your parents living with you guys and your mom hovering over you and possibly not giving him a chance to do anything might be making him a but upset....

[m_r_p]

I think having a serious chat with him about how you're feeling is a must.. Let him know you can't be with someone like that and if he doesn't change how he talks to you, there are serious consequences.  I could see how having parents living with you would put strain on your relationship especially when you have a new baby. I think having a talk might help.

I do think it's absolutely inconsiderate for him to tell you to shut up when you're crying. After I had my last baby I cried every day over little things because my hormones were out of whack. If my husband told me to shut up already I don't think I could have handled that. Having a baby and dealing with the hormones and emotions is hard enough.

If you want to chat more, feel free to send me a message. I'd be happy to listen and talk ;) good luck to you. I hope it gets better.