this isn't a contest..

[alicesaidwhat]

So my sister and I are pregnant at the same time. I'm just about 2 months ahead, but much younger, and she's been married longer. My parents were really nice to me when I told them I was pregnant, which is unusual since my parents are generally mean to me (at least my mom is). But ever since my sister announced she's pregnant, they've been mean to me again. But not just my parents, my sister too.
They kind of all gang up on me and take turns making fun of me. My mom told me I was getting fat and that I looked like I was 9 months pregnant already (I'm 6 months...) compared to my sister (...she just made it into her 2nd trimester). They were so terrible on my birthday dinner that I cried in the car and I cried all night to my husband.

Idk what to do. I don't understand why they don't realize that I'm a full trimester ahead of my sister, so our pregnancy sizes are different. Not to mention all pregnancies in general are different. And forget talking to them, they won't listen, plus we're not the type of family who talks about our feelings...

I can't stand the verbal abuse anymore. I don't even want to spend time with them for the holidays...I just want them to go away.

[alicesaidwhat]

You ladies are so positive and inspiring! Thank you for all the kind words mine.
Plus I know my sister is crazy jealous that I'm having a girl since she wants one so badly. She was sure I was having a boy, but she didn't seem too excited for me when I told my family it was a girl....
she then proceeded to tell my family that she got hired at a new job...when the whole point of our lunch was to announce my gender. It was...disappointing that the conversation quickly passed from me, back to her.
We find out her gender tomorrow but she's going to announce it on Thanksgiving..

She's such a thunder stealer. I can't stand it! I swear, if we weren't sisters, we would NOT be friends.

[Alexander_jay14]

I am exactly one month ahead of my sister in law and my dad is the same way with me...he always says how excited he is to see his grandson because he will be the first boy to carry the last name he is buying stuff for them but hasnt bought me anything for my baby boy...but I brush it off..my son will have a loving family to come home to and I actually feel proud that we don't need any help from him..my husband kids and I are a family and everyone's else opinion on e or my baby does not matter.

[natielou]

@alicesaidwhat. Thank you so much and i wish you love and luck in the rest of your pregnancy xxxx

@rockrose im sorry you and your sister have had to go through that. I hope your both able to move on from the heart ache and i wish you both love and luck for your futures xxxx

[RockRose]

alice,  that's an interesting dynamic you mention,  that your sister is deflecting their attacks by having them attack you.  I think you're exactly right there.

I wonder if you could have a relationship with your sister outside of the presence of your parents,  and leave it at that?  I think this dynamic will get 100 times worse once the babies are there - and then the babies will be compared,  not just you two sisters.  And that's when the hurt really begins.

You sound like a level headed person - and you don't need this kind of distress.

natielou - my sister lost a baby at 22 weeks when I was 18 weeks pregnant.  It was really,  really hard.  She had placenta previa and nearly bled to death,  but she kept her problems a secret so it wouldn't take the shine off my pregnancy.  It's still very painful for me to think of what she went through.  Prayers that your sister can have a healthy pregnancy.

[melinda2_15]

Omg let me just say u are not fat ur beautiful and pregnant... i know how u feel my furture sister in law and i are also 2 months apart.. at first i keep my distance but now im kind of showing up to there family get togethers.. it may be hard but if u keep to ur self its much easier on u and the baby. When they ask oh why u dont come over just tell them u dont feel like it. Ur beautiful dont let any one tell u other wise.

[JamieNVance]

And acutally my bfs family is insane and a bunch of crazy druggies. So me and hubby are taking babygirl(still in my belly) and eating at cracker barrel for thanksgiving :) i have all the family i need.

[alicesaidwhat]

Thank you ladies for all the support! I know my sister gets hated on by my parents too so I think she tries to make them hate on me so they won't hate on her...plus my husband thinks she does it because she knows I'm stronger and can handle the abuse. But that doesn't mean I won't cry after my mom calls me fat at my own birthday dinner... I'm going to see how this next family gathering will go. My sister's in-laws will be at the dinner so hopefully everyone will play nice. If not, that's it. I'm leaving and I won't hesitate to keep my darling daughter away from their negativety. I'd hate for my daughter to feel the way I feel with my parents.

@natielou I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how difficult that must be for you both. But just remember everything happens for a reason and I'll keep your sister in my prayers!

[JamieNVance]

Ya I am the type of person to where if I am getting treated poorly then I will just walk away. They will learn that they need to treat you with respect or you wont be in their life. You have ur husband and now a baby on the way. That is your family now. Dont be disrespected

[natielou]

I think your both lucky to be sharing this experience together and she should realise how lucky she is to be sharing this with you. I fell pregnant the same time as my sister but at 10 weeks i was rushed into hospital with bleeding..i had a scan and they told me it was just my cervix settling..my sister then was rushed in with bleeding only 2 hrs later and put in the bed opposite me. She too went for a scan to be told her baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks (3 weeks prior) and there was no heartbeat. I now feel guilty that im nearly 30 weeks and shes struggling to get pregnant again. I dont feel like i can enjoy my pregnancy now. Your both sharing such a beautiful experience i cant help but think your sis should be more greatful and supportive towards you. Id just distance yourself from your family and continue to enjoy life with your partner and they'll soon realise what idiots theyve been. I think it sounds like their jealous of you for whatever that reason that might be. Just concentrate on yourself and enjoy your pregnancy xxx

[destinymc7]

I hear ya! My FIL is the same way and thank god we live on opposites sides of the country. Being happy is most important life is too short to be shedding tears and feeling like crap. If you are ok with being alone I would tell your family that you and your guy are going to spend the holidays alone before you have an addition to your family. Cook a meal you want, relax or even take a little mini vaca. In the following years you will see your family A LOT especially with a little one  (whom I'm sure will be compared to their cousin). Take time for yourself. With that said some people are so nice they will still put up with their family and negative comments. If you decide that route and if they compare your size just respond "good thing I only have a 3 months left!" :) good luck and happy holidays!

[lorena2288]

Im so sorry! Sometimes its good to spend time away from negative people and just analyze whats really important. Family will always be family but if they dont respect you, then whats the point on being verbally abused. Thats just me I wouldnt take that from anyone let alone my family.

[chocoyo]

Im sorry to hear what ur going through this should be the happiest time for u but if I was u I would stand up to my family and tell them if there gonna keep treating u like that then u want nothing to do with them until they start to respect and appreciate u to because thats not right ur there daughter to wish u the best and HAPPY HOLIDAYS

[MommyMom2014]

You don't have to put up with it. My mother was doing similar stuff to me and we cut ties. It's been years since I've talked to my family, but I don't miss the negativity and abuse at all. It's a hard decision to make, but if they are going to be verbally abusive, it's probably best to not be around them. Sorry you are going through this. I don't understand why some people choose to be so controlling and mean. This is a really happy and exciting time of your life! Be honest with your mom. Tell her after your last visit you were in tears, and that you're not putting yourself in that situation again. Hopefully she'll value you and change her ways. But if not, just stay away for awhile and see how it goes.

[monuhm]

I'm so sorry for their ignorance and foolishness mumma :( not having your family support you *****.  I've felt similarly at times with my father who always has some sort of critique to give me that's usually out of the blue.  He randomly scrutinized my driving asking me how fast I drive on a particular road in front of a group of people at my mothers birthday.  This sort of stuff he doesn't ever do to my brother...And though my situation isn't the same as yours that isolating feeling really ***** :(  hang tight!

[DANIELluvzSHORTTY]

Omg thats rude,how can they be coparing u to ur sisrte,ur unique she unique 2 different bodys minds and souls,they sound like bullies to me sorry to say that but u should not put up with this they might be ur parents ur family ,but the world family doesnt fir them..u dont need to be atress or sad during this time of ur life,just keeep ur distance they regret it one day

[SeabeesWife2013]

It's a rough spot to be in - I feel bad for you. My cousin and I are only a few weeks apart and everyone compares us so I can't imagine being pregnant with your sister :-/ if being around them makes you that miserable, don't subject yourself to it. You deserve happiness without being bullied ESPECIALLY by family.