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Problems with the father of my unborn.......please help!!!
I'm going 2 get right in2 it he's never around we talk off and on. When I feel like we r in a good space he flips. He asks like he doesn't care that I'm pregnant and it hurts my feelings. I feel like I should let him go but I don't want 2 because this is my first child. Things r not going right and I feel so alone. I really need some advice.
My ex was like that...talked down to me, and I suspected he was cheating on me with a much younger woman, so I left because stressing yourself out while pregnant is unhealthy for the baby and that perfect family photo that's in your head isn't always reality and not worth it. I am a single mom, I know it's hard, but honestly wouldn't you want to be with someone and be happy instead of with someone who makes you feel alone?
I've never seen so many women stuck on child support. Sorry not to upset anyone but that's what these posts seem like. If you want money, get a career then think of having a family because you've found the right guy, not because you need a paycheck. Children aren't ment to be used as pawns against their fathers. For once think of the child not you or the man. If and only IF (and that's a big if) you think that he is truly not going to be there for you or the baby then move forward but don't be like most women, using their children as a paycheck. If you're going after child support, do it for the right reasons and if the father makes the effort of trying to be in the child's life, allow him that chance. God Bless you and good luck
I've never seen so many women stuck on child support. Sorry not to upset anyone but that's what these posts seem like. If you want money, get a career then think of having a family because you've found the right guy, not because you need a paycheck. Children aren't ment to be used as pawns against their fathers. For once think of the child not you or the man. If and only IF (and that's a big if) you think that he is truly not going to be there for you or the baby then move forward but don't be like most women, using their children as a paycheck. If you're going after child support, do it for the right reasons and if the father makes the effort of trying to be in the child's life, allow him that chance. God Bless you and good luck
I know exactly how you feel. I know in my previous relationship there were signs of our 'happiness' wasn't as great as I wanted it to be or thought it to be but I was so blinded by my love for him I would only look at the good and positive and regretfully forget the bad things. If you look back, im pretty sure you seen them too. I dont know why we choose to ignore the red flags that come before the love, before the self sacrifice and before the child that get us to the point of no rerurn.We tend to get so caught up in the idea of love, relationships, and a happy family that we don't realize there indeed is better out there. Love shouldn't hurt. It is not confusing or doubtful, its always sure. Yes you will get into arguments and issues but if it comes to the point where you question if you should be with this person at all, it usually means you should move on. Which as women we all know is one of the hardest thing to do especially when you give this man everythingyou have and all that you are. But now that we are mommy's its not about temporary satisfaction with our so called men, but setting a example of what true happiness looks like to our children even if that means a life without a relationship with 'him'. Just two parents who care for their child. And when all else fails. Take him for child support. If he was good enough to lay, he is good enough to pay. Lol Good Luck ladies
I understand where u guys r coming from but at the same time u have 2 understand than I'm not searching 4 a fantasy but I'm instead I thought I found the man that was the one but I was deceived. So is it really my fault? I'm walking around thinking that we r in love but he decided 2 change at the most inopportune time in my life. I feel deceived. Idk if he is going 2 come around or not but I feel like I'm being stringed along.
I'm married and pregnant with our 2nd child and with both pregnancy my husband has been distant and I've never felt so alone. When a woman is pregnant I feel like the husband should be more supportive than ever. I don't understand why guys distance themselves. I feel you. I'm so hurt
I agree^ i also think so many girls decide to have unprotected sex because it gives them security that this man will always be in her life which is so false and ends up even worse. If your man isnt there for you now dont expect much more. If he decides to step up on his own than thats great but no one on here has the magic answer your looking for to make ur boyfriend act like the man you want him to be.
Where I said "the family fantasy needs to start with a real, deep, happy, lasting relationsip, without that it is as unrealistic as the bride fantasy" I probably should have said it a little bit differently. I think it should be "a family fantasy that does not start with a real, deep, happy, lasting relationship is as unrealistic as the 1950s bride fantasy." I am not about lecturing that someone here (or anyone) must to do this or that. I'm just wondering if this fantasy is workable, and think it is not.
In the 1940s and 1950s, girls fantasized about meeting a guy, finding him romantic, and then immediately saying "I do." My grandma says that in those days there was considered to be something wrong with you if you were not engaged by 21, and thinks a lot of people who got married back then didn't really know each other. Divorce was so stigmatized that people did stick it out, even if they weren't particularly fulfilled. The "bride" fantasy took them to a place it could not deliver (by today's standards of the connection of a couple who get married).
I was thinking the other day that women today who have taken a less than perfect relationship and gotten pregnant in it are not chasing the "I do" fantasy, like in the 1950s, they are instead chasing the fantasy of a happy family. They are not sitting back and judging the guy's financial prospects, his ambitions, his interest in being a family man, and his desire to be the kind of parent who takes care of his child with his loving partner by his side, they have given up on that fantasy if they ever even had it. Instead, the pattern seems to be that the guy sees the woman because he gets free sex, and does and says enough things to seem tender and kind (probably because he likes the sex). The woman wants a baby and gets his half-hearted assent (after all, it means he gets unprotected sex) and lo and behold there is a pregnancy. (Whenever I hear a woman say "My boyfriend and I have been trying to get pregnant," I wonder if the boyfriend really is as on board with this plan as the woman. Guys never write on here and say "my girlfriend and I have been trying to get pregnant.") Then the pregnant woman starts to realize she can't ask for a lot from the guy because he really wasn't entirely on board with the plan in the first place (except the part about getting lots of unprotected sex), which makes her cross because to her, a child equals a family and the guy should feel that way too. She compromises and compromises for the sake of her family fantasy, even to the point where she is afraid to claim child support because the guy might get angry with her for taking him to court and refuse to act like a dad. She uses the "If I'm pregnant, then we must need to be together because I don't want my child to be raised without two parents" line" to kid herself into taking less than she deserves in a relationship, and that line also doesn't work too well on the guy, as witnessed by the fact that lots of guys are just walking out.
Don't know where to go with this little theory, except to say that the "family" fantasy needs to start with a real, deep, happy, lasting relationship. Without that, the family fantasy of today is as unrealistic as the 1950s bride fantasy. A woman can get child support, society enforces that out of the social interest that children do not starve in the street. But she can't work the contract backward and make the fact of having a child into a mandate that a man will act like a good dad. He might, he might not. I wish women chose their men with more foresight.
But, at least you have a child. Start with that, get your ducks in a row about support, and move forward. I wish you all the love you deserve from a good man, and admire the tenacity with which you stick with ones who are driving you crazy. I hope this generation of women teaches their daughters to value themselves very highly. It seems like the only way to get past all of this giving away one's power on the altar of a dream that is not coming true.
I was thinking the other day that women today who have taken a less than perfect relationship and gotten pregnant in it are not chasing the "I do" fantasy, like in the 1950s, they are instead chasing the fantasy of a happy family. They are not sitting back and judging the guy's financial prospects, his ambitions, his interest in being a family man, and his desire to be the kind of parent who takes care of his child with his loving partner by his side, they have given up on that fantasy if they ever even had it. Instead, the pattern seems to be that the guy sees the woman because he gets free sex, and does and says enough things to seem tender and kind (probably because he likes the sex). The woman wants a baby and gets his half-hearted assent (after all, it means he gets unprotected sex) and lo and behold there is a pregnancy. (Whenever I hear a woman say "My boyfriend and I have been trying to get pregnant," I wonder if the boyfriend really is as on board with this plan as the woman. Guys never write on here and say "my girlfriend and I have been trying to get pregnant.") Then the pregnant woman starts to realize she can't ask for a lot from the guy because he really wasn't entirely on board with the plan in the first place (except the part about getting lots of unprotected sex), which makes her cross because to her, a child equals a family and the guy should feel that way too. She compromises and compromises for the sake of her family fantasy, even to the point where she is afraid to claim child support because the guy might get angry with her for taking him to court and refuse to act like a dad. She uses the "If I'm pregnant, then we must need to be together because I don't want my child to be raised without two parents" line" to kid herself into taking less than she deserves in a relationship, and that line also doesn't work too well on the guy, as witnessed by the fact that lots of guys are just walking out.
Don't know where to go with this little theory, except to say that the "family" fantasy needs to start with a real, deep, happy, lasting relationship. Without that, the family fantasy of today is as unrealistic as the 1950s bride fantasy. A woman can get child support, society enforces that out of the social interest that children do not starve in the street. But she can't work the contract backward and make the fact of having a child into a mandate that a man will act like a good dad. He might, he might not. I wish women chose their men with more foresight.
But, at least you have a child. Start with that, get your ducks in a row about support, and move forward. I wish you all the love you deserve from a good man, and admire the tenacity with which you stick with ones who are driving you crazy. I hope this generation of women teaches their daughters to value themselves very highly. It seems like the only way to get past all of this giving away one's power on the altar of a dream that is not coming true.
Its hard when ur pregnant.. (not everyone) but alot of ladies put up with a lot of crap from their partners, in hopes for a family.. a support system. And tho your friends and family are happy and supportive and loving, its still not the same as experiencing it with the person who helped make this beautiful baby. Me and my bf go thru stages, just last week I thought about seriously leaving him cuz he was never around and stuff. But this week things seem to be going in the right direction. But well see.. its been a struggle. This is my third child but I'm not trying to bring her up without her daddy as I did both my other girls. So I def know where ur coming from. Have u sat down and had a heart to heart? Let me him know how u really feel, the things u want and need from him? Maybe it could help. I should say don't let any man make u feel unwanted or appreciated or loved.. but I know its not that easy. Good luck girl
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