feeling guilty about cutting down breastfeeds

[Tiger63]

I know i shouldn't be feeling like this but i can't help it. I was still 4 hrly breastfeeding Lilly who is one on the 6th August (was due 26th July) up until 1 month ago. After much debate, we decide i should cut out as many days feeds as i could so i wouldn't have to express at work. I slowly cut these out with no trouble. The past week i tried giving her bottle at night because on sat i hosted a hens night and wated to be sure she would go to sleep for my husband. Now I do not have enough milk at night time to satisfy her!!!! I only feed her once in the ealry morning.

I am feeling guilty about doing this and annoyed at my best friend as lilly's night feed was cut out for her and she didnt even thank me for the night and has not replied to my messages!

How can i stop feeling like this??

[AnnieBrooke]

All I was saying is that you had already decided to cut back.  When someone cuts out daytime nursing or pumping, their milk production slows overall.  If this began a trajectory that wound up with you not having enough milk for a night feeding, it began when you decided to cut back in the daytime.  This was obviously before you went to the hen party, before you had to deal with friends who are ungrateful, and all.  

If you want to be mad at your friend, go ahead, she sounds very self absorbed in her wedding and everything.  However, I wouldn't throw the blame for the milk stopping at night at her on top of your other annoyance at her.  She was not in charge of your decision to stop the day feedings.  

Your reasons for weaning in the daytime were the kind of reasons a woman has, and your timing was fine, at a year the milk quality changes anyway to be less rich because the child is older.  Maybe someone should have warned you that the milk production would shut down faster if you stopped nursing during the day, but that didn't happen.  

If you friend is unpleasantly selfish, be mad at her for that.  Just don't place the blame for the milk flow being less at night, at her door.  You said "how can I stop feeling like this?"  If you are able to separate your annoyance at her present self-absorption from your grief at your possible loss of enough milk at night, you might be able to get to a point where you stop being so deeply mad at her, if you want to.

[Tiger63]

We did not make the choice cut out night feeds before the hen's. Like i said i gave her a bottle twice before so i knew she would go to sleep without me! The hen's night and all the stuff i have been doing for the wedding and occasional CRT work were the reasons we decided to cut down feeds.

With the next child i will not let others influence my choice and i will not be putting my children before anyone else again. Especially people who expect everything and give nothing in return.

I have no one else to balme but myself for not listening to my heart and now i'm paying the price.

[AnnieBrooke]

You made the choice to cut back before the hen party, so it really isn't your friend's fault.  

If you are seriously distressed by cutting back so much, start pumping like crazy and resume the day feeds.  Your milk might come up a little, at least enough to get through night feeds.

Do remember that by this age, your daughter is not getting that much nutrition, more just the comfort, from the nursing, so you are not starving her.  I know that is not why you are still nursing (I went 18 months myself) but it does relieve a little guilt.  

If she is still in fact hungry after a nurse at night, give her a small (4 ounce) bottle of water.  She'll have a full tummy and also begin to learn to take water at night instead of formula (which is terrible for baby's teeth, unless of course you brush them after).

Good luck!