Baby on the way, and custody with ex

[mrsouidiani]

Ok, just wanted to throw this question out there. My husband and I are expecting our first child together, due in May. His ex wife has been giving him  hell since we got married, and now there is a custody issue and she hasn't let him see or talk to the children in months. We have mediation next week, and should we tell the mediator that we're expecting another child?  The questionnaire asks about other children, and technically the baby isn't here, but I can't help but feel my husband should say something.

[Dragonwings]

Yes I would tell them. With you expecting, it will make a difference on child support. The courts will take into consideration the expense it will take to bring the baby into the world, medical insurance, and raising the baby.

[stephie325]

I feel ya. Same things going on here and it is awful. We are both super excited about this baby and I want to start telling people I'm 11 weeks now. But he's getting divorced, dealing with custody issues because his ex won't take the kids like ever but wants child support and cps is now getting involved with a situation that happened over at her house. His lawyer told us not to mention me being pregnant yet. She wants to wait until primary care is established. And depending on how that goes she might want to bring it up. So I would ask a lawyer or someone who knows the system and laws well

[mrsouidiani]

Lol its not a concrete rule. But the kids just have so much they do everyday with their extracurriculars, that to find a healthy balance between everything, there's no time for TV. They're old enough to do chores, finish homework pretty much solo, and they do gymnastics, piano, french lessons. They have a full schedule they excel at, but their mom thinks they do too much. So when they're with her, they don't do any extracurriculars. It's really inconsistent. But we do watch movies and TV on the weekends! Sometimes all day lol cause I don't have the energy to entertain and plan something!

[AnnieBrooke]

You won't let them watch TV daily?  Hmmm.  I must be a bad mommy.  lol

[mrsouidiani]

Is a more family oriented environment

[mrsouidiani]

Thank you for that. I haven't yet spoken to the lawyer, but I have a feeling she may encourage my husband to bring it up in mediation. Yes, it's an emotional situation, and we had primary custody until she wouldn't let the kids come home after what was supposed to be be a short visit. I don't want to make the situation worse, but her main argument is that my husband is too strict and not a fatherly figure. In her mind, we should be letting the kids eat candy more often and watch TV daily.  Obviously, we're trying to show that our household (with all its rules and discipline)

[AnnieBrooke]

Hmm.  Well, tell if you like to throw oil onto the flames of anger of his ex-wife.  I would tend not to tell until you have to, such as being 9 months and looking it.  If challenged later, you could say that it was early days yet and you didn't know for sure the pregnancy would stay (even if you don't really feel that way).  In other words, given the volatility of the situation, it's best to let one thing reveal itself at a time, not throw all your emotional bombs at once.  You might check this question with your attorney, the question is whether this information is material to the mediation.  I was once told by my estates-planning attorney, when I asked if we should mention future children in the will we were drawing up, that I would have nine months to re-draw the will if we got pregnant.  Same comment here.  You're in mediation for the present situation, I think.  But do ask your attorney.