Husband and porn

[adri1413]

Ok, so here's my situation. My husband has looked at porn before in the past and I don't agree with it. I feel like him looking at porn is in a way saying that I'm not good enough for him or satisfying him in that way. Like my body is not attractive to him so he has to look elsewhere. Anyway so I've explained to him how I feel about it and he apologized and said he understood. Today I found porn on his phone AGAIN. He said it's from the last time but that's a lie cuz the last time I deleted it in front of him. He is acting like he doesn't care and oh well. And the said thing is I just told him this morning how I feel distant from him and I didn't like how we weren't having sex and he said sorry and nothing's going on and he will make a
a better effort. But ugh it makes me so mad and I more upset he's lieing about it and shows no remorse for me. I'm 14 weeks pregnant. already gained about 8 lbs, have stretch marks galore showing from previous pregnancies, exhausted all day, working full time and taking care of kids now this is just icing on the cake. I feel like crying. Sorry so long, needed to vent. Thanks ladies!

[Sass508]

Sometimes the more we tell someone they can't have it, the more they want it. I know it's crazy.

[worriedmomtobe2014]

I am the same way I feel its very disrespectful and like I'm not wanted or that I'm not good looking enough and that its cheating bc there looking at another woman naked when its sapsoe to be is for rest of there lives and that they masterbate to it and get off looking at othwr woman its bs and I've had several conversations with my fiance about it yet he says he doesn't anymore but I still feel like he does and I hate it ...good luck

[weezy789]

Guys are going to look at porn. Period. Don't take it personally... It has nothing to do with how he feels about you. Asking him to not look at porn is putting him in a position where he feels like has to lie to you and that makes things worse. I'm big on the don't ask, don't tell policy when it comes to porn.

[ajmen321hly]

Had the same issue. What i did, started watching myself. Since the shoe was on the other foot he stopped lol.

[adri1413]

Thanks. And I completely agree. I feel like it's cheating. He just doesn't understand and I hate feeling like this. It will be ok in the end. Just frustrating and annoying

[two_princesses]

Some people act like looking at porn is normal for guys but it's not... It is disrespectful to you and I'm sure if roles were reversed he would be upset.

[nana070710]

If you look youll find thats what i think.. but dont take me wrong i dont agree w it i see it as a disrespectful way... but guys will someway or the other watch it.

[adri1413]

I wasn't digging through his phone or trying to look. I was using his cuz mine was dead and he had it up when you go to the Internet. It just is disrespectful to me and especially while I'm pregnant and already feel insecure about my body and have hormones all crazy.

[ambs87]

I agree with weezy. I believe men are very visual beings and they are going to look at porn whether you ask them not to or not. I dont believe it has anything to do with how he feels about you. Personally, I don't have a problem with it at all. I feel that Shoot maybe he will even learn some new things lol. I watch it. We've even watched it together once (sorry tmi) I'd much rather him watch some movies than go out and do something stupid. Its hard for me to understand the whole porn is cheating thing...

[jesshat]

It has completely ruined who I am after being lied to about it from my husband for 13 years. He was an addict like 30 or more times a month no joke. He started watching it when he was 10 because his stupid *** father left it out and in the DVD player. He lied and lied so much and he's a computer nerd so he knew how to hide it. It ended in divorce and he told me if I wouldn't have divorced him he would have never stopped. We are back together after going to therapy and him agreeing to all my terms of no Internet no cable he's not to be left alone ever I quit my job to stay home with my boys and so he wouldn't be alone to be tempted. When we are out he keeps his eyes on me because when you have it that bad the smallest thing can trigger him to think and wanna do. It's not easy at all and the trust is horrible but working on it. It can take a long time and it as in the divorce just happened in 2013. I can go from 0 to off the chart in no time when it comes to porn. He treated us like crap because his mind was always thinking about when he could do it next he was a horrible father and husband and he's still trying to fix his relationship with our almost 7 year old because of it. Good luck and I understand what ur going thru. It is disrespectful and not Ok.

[Aylasmommy]

There is nothing wrong with him looking at porn. That is the safe, its much better than him going to a strip club. You aren't going to be around or in the mood everytime he gets horney.
It's not like he will cheat on you with any of the women he is watching...he won't fall in love w them. He won't give them any attention or affection. They are not special at all.
Most men focus on one thing when watching porn. The faces she makes, the sounds, the breasts, butt or the actual intercourse part..,any of those is no threat to you.
When ya'll have sex it's much more. He is FEELing it.
Maybe you should watch with him, lol, seriously- it would be a huge turn on for him, and afterward he would think specifically of you when he watches again.

Now, if it degrading extremely rough porn or any kind of "wrong" porn then my opinion is completly different.

[mellynn717]

I agree with u its very disrespectful ib y opinion an people saying it's better then them going out and seeing an actual person an cheating looking at another women naked on TV computer whatever it may be is the same as seeing a naked women in person. I'm not ok with it my husband wants to see someone naked it will be me. And saying all guys look at porn is false just cuz some men do doesn't mean all do. My husband doesn't watch porn and never has its just not the type of person he is so lucky for me I don't have to be put in situations like this. But beat of luck to u and sorry u have to go through that.

[jenandrandal]

https://www.lifesitenews.com/news/gq-magazine-tells-men-quit-watching-porn-before-it-ruins-your-sex-life

[jenandrandal]

For every one who says it's normal and ok, check out this article. I have had my own past experiences with this, and a few recent with my now hubby...when I get questions about and our sex life is compared to what is seen in porn...porn is fake, but men begun to believe that this is how their sex life should be and it puts us in a **** position. Because of this my ex husband cheated on me, more then once, because compared to the porn he watched...our sex life was boring.

[Brynn_Taylor]

Me and my husband watch porn together and seprately. You're thinking way too much into it. It is not a form of cheating as he hasn't broken any vows. Let me put it this way. Guys are al2ays horny whereas girls are not so why not let him get off some other way sobhe doesn't bother you as much. I love porn and I love that him and I share that together even now when I'm 9 months pregnant.

[BonitaMichelle]

I think you should be more open to him watching it. Watch it with him. As his wife you should want to satisfy him sexually.

[1NAMILLION]

EVERYTHING is completely wrong with a MARRIED man checking out porn and by no means should anyone be so laxed about it transpiring.  I PERSONALLY feel like some women tell themselves that all men watch porn because they already know that whomever they are with will not stop it, so, it just makes them feel better about having to accept it.  That's just as bad as saying that all men cheat, deal with it....NO..NO & NO...that's not true, men have the ability to make sound decisions as well and sometimes don't because women pick and choose what "male expected behavior" they decide to give a pass on.  As a legal union, if you two have prediscussed expectations about morally or religiously avoiding scenarios like this, then hubby has severely violated the trust and security you had within him which will take time to repair and that's only if he's remorseful and never does it again which can be shown via action over time. Pornography is a gateway invitation into a world of temptation and lust that can lead to divorce, so, do not allow hubby to brush this under the rug...he has some serious repairs and heartfelt apologies/actions to make and don't let him think that he doesn't.  Unfortunately,  passiveness has a tendency to make men feel validated in their actions or decisions when they don't experience societal consequences. ..hold his "donkey" accountable because once the trust is gone and you continue to feel devalued or replaced by his unhealthy porn watching...the relationship is doomed. Needless to say, put your foot down and demand that he makes changes effective immediately and that he understands the severity of his actions and let.him know that his behavior does entail consequences.  Always remember,  men only do what they either think that they can get away with or what they know they can get away with...stop him in his tracks before it is too late...he needs to know that as a MARRIED man, his behavior will not be tolerated at all.

Congrats on baby and best wishes..I hope that everything works out!!!

[jaloveslorelei]

I really think a lot of woman are acting in a bullying manner. You act as though porn isn't a religious issue or a moral issue, or as thought the women opposed are prudes. Its perfectly acceptable and honerable to vow to not watch porn or for a woman to have that expectation of thier loved one. Like many social issues I think watching porn is a slippery slope. Its human nature to push for more, so if porn, getting off to other girls, watching other woman touch themselves, whatever it may be, is acceptable to you, then where do you draw the line and how clear is that line. You can say it's tv but what is the difference between being a peeping tom and watching other couples **** or a girl masterbate.. is it the permission to watch that makes it ok and if so then what if it's permissable, is the only difference the screen. Your ok with it then fine, good for you, good for you that it works out for your rekaruonship and that your confortable, but don't lecture other woman because they are not.

[mw89]

@adri I really think this depends on the relationship of the couple. It has to do with how much you trust that person.  Everyone is different and I would never tell anyone how to run their relationship.  If its a big issue to you maybe you should suggest counseling with him. That would get to the root of why it upsets you and why he thinks he needs to do it. I think since you already expressed to him you didnt want him to do it and he lied. You are going to have trust issues with him. So just breath while this is obviously something big to you worse things could happen. But remember marriage takes work! This is one of those times too.
Good luck

[organicmama]

I think its only fair to expect him not to masturbate if you both very clearly promised not to do so before you got married and were both on board with that understanding. For most people, masturbation is a normal part of life sometimes a daily part, and to suddenly tell someone they aren't allowed to touch themselves outside of your presence is pretty controlling and unfair. Men are visual and rely on graphics to get off more easily. Women don't need those prompts as much, and typically don't masturbate as much anyway. Understand that masturbation has nothing to do with emotion or relationships, its just a physical release, for most people. Its not the same as sex. There are extremes and there are porn addictions and if people masturbate too frequently it can cause some desensitation to actual sex but just reducing frequency of masturbating so often will restore sensitivity. No different than getting desensitized due to vibrators... Just lay off of using the vibrator as often to appreciate sex more. Only you know if the porn is really an addiction or not. More than likely it isn't. Is he going off multiple times a day and neglecting responsibilities? Is he spending a lot of money on it? Does he want you to do things you find degrading? Is he impotent?  (Could be a cause of looking at porn or a result. Some guys get so scared of not being able to perform that they back off from sexual relationships and just jerk off because its safer and they won't feel embarrassed at failing.) I'd say have some more talks and then come to some understanding or agreements that aren't so harsh as simply "you are not allowed to do this at all." Ask him why he is watching... Has hr just always done it? Does he want variety? Is he nervous about the pregnancy? How often does he do it? Is it a problem or a casual release? Does he feel like its out of control? If its fair to expect him to just stop? What are his feelings are about it all. And what are his needs? Try to be a little more open and less personally offended.

[Genevieve_84]

Many men watch porn and still have a wonderful and healthy marriage. I know my husband watches it and it doesn't bother me at all. I watch it from time to time but we still have a great sex life. Men are highly visual beings and like to watch people having sex. Being pregnant causes us this be much more sensitive to everything especially our changing bodies, but if your man looks at porn he probably did it before you were pregnant, will continue to while you are pregnant, and after the baby gets here...I mean no sex for 6 weeks minimum after baby comes will be hard for any man. I personally rather him look at porn then press it and make him feel guilty about it or try to hide it and lie, I think this is where real issues can arise such as infidelity. I'm not saying you have to be okay with him watching porn but realistically any man you are with will or has looked at it. It is just so accessible nowadays. Your husband loves you and your baby, we as woman need to be more self confident and less critical of ourselves,  then maybe we wouldn't be so insecure about our men watching porn. If you think about it more women have issues with their men watching it then vice versa.  

[Maryrose519]

No no no!!! Just because some of these woman think its ok that their husbands watch porn, doesn't mean everyone else should accept it too!!! My husband did the same thing when I was pregnant and it made me feel very sad.. I do not like the whole porn crap and nobody should force you to like it.. He should give it up because you are more important..

[bonnieella20]

He has told u sorry...im sure he's cut back at least..and thats still not good enough. ..u are making it worse by fussing and nagging about it. Ok u dont agree w it and it makes u feel unattractive and he should understand but to have issues over it is going too far. Sometimes u should just be happy w progress he has made to try to make u happy. Men are men. Hes looking not touching and its 2D. Give a little.

[bonnieella20]

Im secure w myself and our relationship that I dont mind him watching it. Its fantasy! Jealousy is so ridiculous to me.