worried about father's pot use

[robynmmcc1983]

I'm almost 15 weeks pregnant and the father has been a heavy pot smoker for about 20 years and had started smoking dabs heavily as well the past couple years. He still does around me without any care to what harm he could be doing. He claims that his weed usage will have zero effect on our baby that only my cigarette smoking will do harm. I'm worried that his heavy usage in the past and present will do harm to the fetal development as well as any other issues such as autism or down syndrome or any other kind developmental issue. Please help me find answers.

[specialmom]

Ugh, I couldn't live with a heavy pot smoker.  or a light one.  That is just a lifestyle that is not going to fit into my plans for life.  I want an ambitious man that doesn't have time to get high.  Talk to him about his goals.  Who he wants to be in life.  It may take him losing a job when drug tested, getting kicked out of your apartment because someone smells pot and calls the landlord, getting arrested when in a vehicle accident as pot smoking leads to impaired driving just as drinking does and police will act on it.  But he needs to know that this does impact his family in many negative ways.  Not to mention role models for his kids.  So, talk to him about this and see if he can see how this is an issue.  Just as someone begins to drink more and more it becomes a problem, so is pot smoking.  good luck hon.  Hard spot to be in for sure

[robynmmcc1983]

Thank you Annie Brooks

[AnnieBrooke]

Tough situation.  My heavy pot smoking friends seem to not have a lot of initiative or care about doing much, not a great posture for someone who is going to be a dad.

If you can  find one, try one of those hypnosis for stopping smoking programs,  they are great for pregnant women because they are no-drugs, and apparently they are surprisingly effective.

[robynmmcc1983]

I've tried the patch, e cigs, cold turkey, weening off, and eating fat free snacks. I don't smoke near as much as I did before but I still need a few during the day. I'm getting close to being done with it. It's just taken me longer than I planned due to inconvenient stressful circumstances. And I tried looking up about info with his pot smoking but it always gives me things on  the mother smoking pot, which I'm not a pot smoker. So it's not useful to me. And yes where we live it's illegal.

[AnnieBrooke]

His pot smoking might harm the baby in ways you don't expect, such as, if you don't live in a place where pot is legal, he might get arrested some day.  And/or, he is spending a lot of money on his discretionary habit that could go to the baby.

I am sure that online there are places to look up whether a heavy marijuana smoker could have flaws in his sperm from the pot, and what kind they might be.  

But he is right about one thing, you being a ciggy smoker is much more dangerous to the baby than him being a pot smoker.  (Irritating though this might be if you feel if he is saying this just to get you off his back about the pot.)  Not only is it bad for the developing baby,  research has shown that babies around people who smoke cigs are at a higher risk for crib death, even if the smokers do not smoke around the baby.  I'm sorry.  What kinds of smoking-cessation things have you tried?  A girlfriend of mine had good results with hypnosis.