Mother In Law

[KEC121314]

Hi Ladies!

My mother in law lives far away and plans to come to town for the birth AND stay with us for a week once we are home with the baby.  She never asked, just assumed it would be ok.  As much as I really do like her, I absolutely do NOT want her, or anyone staying with us.  My husband works a lot and is finally taking time off to spend with me and baby and I hate that we won't get any alone time with the little one.  What should we do!?  

Thanks!

[nutz19]

I agree with what a few have said, maybe ask her to stay in a hotel or something and pop over, my first I had everyone coming in all over the place I got annoyed, with my second I banned all visitors after the first day, for a week. On this on, as I have moved away, my mum is coming to stay for a little bit, look after the elders while I'm in labour (I hope) and to help around the house after so I can spend time helping the elders adjust to having a new baby brother or sister xxx

[alara_17]

I say be thankful and accept the help. I'm a ftm and asked my mom if she was interested in staying with us to help out. She said, "I didn't help make it, I'm not taking care of it." My mom has always been the sink or swim type so I'm not surprised. Dh's mom lives across the country and isn't planning on visiting till December. Dh is a full time student and has a part time job. I'm pretty much going to have to figure things out on my own. Thank goodness for YouTube and Google!

[sapphirebaby]

I am having the same issue. I love my mother in law, but I get super stressed with guests. I am not one who feels comfortable being served on. I want to come home to a quiet home where I can rest and not have people there to wait on. I told my husband to talk to his family and say they can stay at a hotel and can visit for lunch (only for a couple hours) and not hang out at my house all day. I get it's their first grandchild, but it's my first child. I am also going back to work 2 weeks after, so those 2 weeks are going to be very precious to me.

[Moluko]

Is this your first?  With my first, I severly underestimated how hard it was going to be.

If I were you... I'd say "thanks mom!" and be grateful for the extra help. Those first few weeks are hard and rough, even with husband around.

With my first, only my mom came to help.  This time with my second, I'm going to ask my mom, dad, mother in law, and an aunt. I'm going to let them help with the kids, cooking, and chores so I can focus on taking better care of myself (resting, healing, breastfeeding, etc.)

[Mrs_Hall2014]

Maybe after a month but right after?? No m'am! I think my.mother in law plans to do something similar but it may be when I go back to work, which is fine by me. She cooks well but can talk your ear off...! Love that woman!

[AnnieBrooke]

You see, she is only thinking that she is genuinely saving you or being helpful, that poor, tired-out new mommies need help.  But not realizing that you probably will be more tired out by having a guest in the house (no matter how much she feels like family with her son, she is not your own relaxing mother -- if your own mother is relaxing to you).  You might find that it will be fun to have someone to show off the baby to and to come for a few hours a day and rock the baby while you get a nap or a shower, but there is no reason to have her in your house that whole time.  I think the second baby, not the first, is really the time that new parents like having someone around to do all the work while they rest.  Maybe mil does not realize this.  :)

[AnnieBrooke]

I would ask my husband to talk to her, not do it yourself, and he should say that the two of you plan to be alone together with the baby for the week after the birth.  If she is insistent, she can stay at a motel and come for a few hours every day, if you can stand that.  But you have to let her know.

[Piggies__]

I would tell her that it is your first child and you want to experience everything by yourself w your husband, and learn how to care for the child yourselves rather than having someone breathe over your shoulder criticizing how you want to do things.