Just wondering if anyone else has experienced these two things... (kinda O/T but pregnancy-related)

[Ashelen]

I have two situations that have been bugging me, and I'm just wondering if anyone else has gone through this.

I was an only child, so although my mom had other pregnancies before me, she obviously only had one full-term pregnancy. She's an insufferable know-it-all....and likes to tell me all about how to do things and how wrong I am about things...and she's very rude. Well...ever since I found out that I'm expecting baby#2 and shared the information with her, she's been incredibly snotty and distant. My dad says it's because I have more experience in something than she does and she doesn't like that she can't be a know-it-all. Like at one point she tried to tell me "Oh you just THINK you're tired now!" and, jokingly, I said "Well mom I've already had one and you never had two so we'll just wait and see how it is, eh?" and she got so PISSED..... I don't get it. I always listen to her advice, even when it's really rude and out of line, and I'm not rubbing my pregnancy in her face or anything, and I even ask for her advice on things (sometimes even on things that I already know the answer to, just to make her feel wanted and useful)...I feel like she's being childish. Okay, so I'll be a mother of two...okay, so I'll have more experience in childbirthing and infant rearing than she did....so what? Why does she have to be so rude to me? I mean, she's an alcoholic and has a terminal illness..there are a lot of things we're dealing with, she and I, in our relationship...but I really feel like she needs to lay off because she's being unfair. I know we'll never have a great, or even good, relationship before she dies but I would love to be able to share the little things with her without getting snotty/snippy remarks. Like when I said "my belly's getting bigger sooner this time" and she said "well maybe the baby's fat or you're eating too much" even though she knows I've been losing weight...it's like she's out of her area of expertise so she's just being rude. most of the time I ignore it, and I'm never rude or snotty to her in return (no matter how much I might want to be) I just wanted to know if anyone else is dealing with a bitter/jealousy thing with their mom during pregnancy.


anyway...second thing...I ran across this article online about this young mother (19, married) who was tired of getting rude comments or glances from people assuming she's some unwed teenaged mother. And it made me realize how irritating that's been for me as well. I had my daughter when I was 23, and DH and I were married when we conceived her....but I admit, I do look young, and I do live in the bottom of the Bible Belt. People who know me but don't know my age always think I'm older, like 30 (i'm 24, almost 25 now), but people who see my face and don't know me always think I'm under 18....and I always get these rude looks or whispered comments when I go out places, and old couples are always looking at my ring finger. What on earth is up with this? it drives me nuts, LOL. Sometimes I hang my hand out when I'm waiting in the doctor's office because I actually had one lady ask me "Honey aren't you awfully young to have a baby? Have you considered getting married, or going to college?" (when I was pregnant with DD) I'm a college grad!! I've been there and done that!!! I have a feeling it's only going to get worse with 2 babies...one lady actually asked me if my parents knew I was pregnant a couple of weeks ago. I was like "well it doesn't much matter since I'm 24 and married, now does it?" and she apologized, but it was ridiculous. I know a lot of the other ladies on here look younger than they are too so I don't think I'm alone in this, but just wondering if anyone else can relate.

Anyway I know there's not much of a solution for either of these situations just wondering if I'm alone out there, or if anyone else can relate, lol..


also (just so I don't take up another thread) does anyone have the "lid-lok" for their toilet?! I can't get mine to work and it's driving me nuts.....

[Ashelen]

LOL GA that's a great idea...I'm usually a very polite person, but I get tired of it. I had this old couple whispering about me at the neurologists office a couple weeks ago....and it was a small room, and we were the only 3 in there...I was thinking to myself "okay I know you're deaf but I'm not..." the wife kept saying "she CAN'T be old enough to have a baby...she looks like a baby herself" and the husband kept saying "wifey, be quiet, she's obviously old enough to drive herself to the doctor so leave her alone" I wanted to hug him LOL

Willow and SMJ....I totally feel you guys, LOL. I love looking "fresh" but not really "young". Maybe in 10 years when all of my friends are wrinkled from overtanning and look 10 years older than they are, I'll be grateful for it....I'll still look 25 and they'll look 45....but for now, it's rather irritating.

[LosingMyMindInGA]

I think your mom is having a tough time dealing with her issues and it's surfacing as anger and resentment.  Probably nothing you can do to change her.  But you can change your perception.  Just keep reminding yourself that it's not anything YOU have done.

As for rude people, when that lady asked about being too young...you should have asked her "Aren't you old enough to know how to mind your own business?" Or just said something simple like "Well my husband doesn't think so" and leave it at that.  I had my oldest at 18 and I wasn't married, I got my share of looks and frankly I could have cared less.  You should make yourself a t-shirt that says "Looks can be deceiving so keep your opinions to yourself" LOL.. I know I'm rude.  Or you could take the bold approach of next time you see someone whispering/snickering and looking at you....walk up to them and say "So, what's the secret?" Then watch them stumble over their words and they try to think of what to say :)

[Willow10]

I cant relate to the mom thing too much though mind does voice her opinion about every baby product i buy or want to buy and everything i plan on doing with the baby once he is here. Pretty frustrating! But the looking young thing is my life story. Granted im not married but I've been with my boyfriend for years..any time im in public i get such rude looks from ppl who assume im much younger then i am. Im 22 not 16 people! And even if i was that doesnt alter my ability to parent. Me and my bf who is 25 but looks 18 always joke that we should just go on 16& pregnant since we get those looks any ways. I just want to scream at ppl all the time that im about to graduate college with a bachelors in microbio, have a steady job, love my boyfriend and am not a little girl. So annoying. Also i hate how ppl never even look at my face any more, just my belly! Ugh! that even drives my bf nuts!

[smjmekg]

The mom thing...H3LL YES!!! UGH! I know my mom has "been there done that" three times, BUT I have to learn somethings on my own too. I especially liked when she told me I should "be feeding him from your boob" and I couldn't breast feed because I never produced more than an ounce total from BOTH sides...I tried, believe me I wanted to breast feed like no other, but I couldn't...and it $UCKED.

Oh I remember the looks...DH and I took Elijah to get pics done before he went back to Korea and Elijah was maybe about ten days old...we were at Sears and were looking through clothes for him before we our picture appointment, and I had so many looks it's not even funny. I mean my husband was right there with me! AND when I was 6 months pregnant I flew home to visit my parents, and on the return trip I was waiting at the airport for the shuttle bus to take us back to the parking area, and this guy looked at me and asked how far I was. I told him 6 months, he asked how old I was I told him 22 even though I wasn't going to be 22 for another week or two, and he said "aren't you a little young to be having kids?" So I said, well I'm married, got married before I got pregnant, and I Brittney Spears' 16 year old sister is due two weeks before me, so no. UGH!!! That always made me so mad!!! I won't even get into the "how far are you, are you sure it's not twins" comments...I'll probably get the same thing when I'm pregnant with number two, but oh well...I've grown more of a backbone and may just give those evil starers a piece of my mind next time, lol.

I never got a lock for my toilet...I've got baby gates up to the bathrooms so Elijah can't get in them.