Hi,
I also posted this on the Anxiety board, in hopes that I could get some good feedback. I am 30 years old and I already have 2 children. I would really like to have a 3rd child, but my anxiety is holding me back. I didn't suffer from anxiety until after my 2nd daughter was born. I have severe white coat hypertension and am absolutely terrified to go to the doctor. This fear stems from a bad experience that I had where I was actually sent to the hospital by ambulance for a racing heart. Everything turned out normal and I've been to the cardiologist 3 times - he keeps telling me that my problems are not cardiac related and my heart is normal and healthy. But I can't get over it. I constantly worry that pregnancy will cause me to have a heart attack. I also worry that the doctors will end up taking the baby early because of my white coat hypertension, thinking that I have preeclampsia. I would also have to have a 3rd c-section and I worry about panicking before the surgery to the point that they have to put me under genereal anesthesia. I visited my OB/GYN today and had a nice long talk with him. He thinks that I will be just fine and expects my anxiety to actually improve throughout the pregnancy. My blood pressure at the visit today was 180/80, because I freaked out when the nurse took my blood pressure. When I check my BP at home, it's always below 120/80. I talked with my doctor about that as well and he really thinks that I will calm down when I'm pregnant. He knows me pretty well - he's been my doctor for over 10 years and did both of my c-sections. My recovery after the c-sections was very easy and fast. I had gestational diabetes with both of my previous pregnancies, but it was well controlled and I did just fine. But gestational diabetes is another concern, even though I know how to handle it.
My daughters are 5 and 3 years old. I don't want to look back 10 years from now and regret not having another baby, but I need to somehow get over all of this worry. I wasn't like this before - I took everything with a grain of salt and never worried about my health. I never had any reason to! I still don't have a reason to worry, but my past experiences have made me question my own mortality.
I guess I'm just looking for some advice, support or stories of women in a similar situation. I really want another baby, but I worry so much that I'm afraid that I will hurt the baby or cause myself to have a heart attack! Please help!