needd help with pregnant fiance

[ineedlotsandlotsofhelp]

So ladies. Before you say the obvious things. .

It's hormones. 
It will be ok.
Try talking to her. 
Take some pressure off her.
Do extra jobs to help her out.
Tell her you love her. 
Do nice things for her.
Be understanding.


I have done the lot!!!

Me and my fiance have been together for 2 years. And lived together for 6months.. And planned to have our first child together.

So when we got the news me and my fiance were ecstatic! And couldn't believe it!.

But then it got to week 6!! Of which she is now 14 weeks. And it's all gone wrong! She's Turned into something different. And I'm now second guessing whether she loves me anymore. 

I work 40 hours a week. Get 2 days off a week. 

She doesn't work at all. So how is it fair that she does absoloutley nothing. And for ladies thinking I'm overexageratimg. I actually mean nothing at all.

I work Monday. 
Tuesday Thursday Saturday and Sunday. 

On these days 

I Wake up at 8am by her daughter who comes into the room because she wants breakfast. Yes I said the room. Because she's kicked me out of bed. So her daughter can have the bed with her.

So I make breakfast. 
Clean pots. 
Clean some toys away. And put a wash on.
.I'll then go to work. 
Come home for 2 hours. 
 Cook tea. Wash tea pots. And then go back to work... I then return from work at 9pm. To which my fiance is asleep in bed and doesn't have see past 7pm. So our relationship effectively ends at 5pm when I go back to work. And clean up all the toys the little one as had out.

That's the 5.working days. 

On my two days off I absolutely gut the house clesn. Sparkling clean! I have pictures for proof!!.
As well as making all 3 meals. And cleaning all her daughters toys away after... 

So my fiance as done nothing for 9 weeks while I've gone to work. Cooked cleaned. Done the washing. And cleaned up after the little one. And done the pots. 

And for 12 weeks I haven't 
Shared a bed with the fiance.
 Kissed her.
Hugged her.
Slept with her. 
Had any physical contact. 
And she hasn't said love you back to me for 9 weeks. ( I do say it every day to her ) 

I love this girl to pieces. There isn't a day go by where I can't love her. would do absolutely anything for her and her daughter. And yes I've said al this to her. Her reply was.

If I have to carry the baby. You can do everything ekse!! Please help a man in need!!

[veectoriyah]

Oh wow. I'm 5 weeks. Before I used to cook breakfast and lunch for my husband at 5 am. Now I can't because the smell of the food grosses me out. He understands. Yet I'll never leave everything on his shoulders to do. Some girls do use pregnancy to get away with everything. Its not right. I do tell my husband to make me a tea or small meal like a sandwich but never to be a single dad. Especially to a child that's not his. I'd never even though he won't mind a single bit. He loves my little girl. But my goodness you must have your hands full. Don't give up.

[Mariss95]

Ok unless she is really ill there is no reason for her to be so lazy n selfish. Being pregnant does not handy cap you. I'm 24+5 n I still do all the house chores, laundry, dusting, sweeping, mopping, bathrooms, dishes, cooking 2 hot meals a days plus take care of our daughter while my husband is at work. When he gets home we eat dinner n go sit n relax in the living room for a couple of hours then we go take a nice warm bath n go to bed. Not to rude that's just my opinion

[sanja25]

Did you live with her before she got pregnant? Was she like this before?

[Mamaofdeux]

Not trying to condone her actions but have you asked her if she actually wants the baby? I'm not saying it to be rude, but it sounds like she's depressed and it could be because she's not as excited as you want her to be. (Or as excited as she thinks she needs to be) I got pregnant with this baby at a really bad time (as month from being laid off, issues with my husband, and family drama) and as a result I wasn't nearly as happy about it as I would have been even six months ago. I felt like crap.  I felt like I was being punished by God for not being a good wife. And it really affected me. I did the bare minimum. The laundry got pushed to the last minute,  the dishes didn't get done unless I needed them. My husband wasn't nearly as supportive as you. In fact in he wasn't supportive at all. He didn't pick up the slack. Which in turn made it even worse because I felt like a slave.  It was a vicious cycle that we are still fighting our way out of. My best advice is find an overnight sitter for the daughter, and have a huge heart to heart.  Write down everything you need and want to change, and go over it with her. Make her realize you are serious and that things need to change. Come up with a chore chart if you have to. Put your foot down.  And on behalf of the part of her that refuses to be appreciative and thankful, thanks for being a nice guy.

[helm85]

I'm sorry to hear it's so bad. I am working my whole pregnancy and am 29 weeks now but I Def can say from about 6 weeks until 13 weeks I couldn't do any house work I was so tired all the time.. since then i have been fine and doing everything again hopefully she might be the same... maybe you can talk to her about everything else maybe she might begin to understand how u feel.

[RockRose]

Have you known her long enough to be sure this isn't just her basic personality,  and it has nothing at all to do with being pregnant?

You can hide your true personality for a little while.

[MommyMellette2015]

Try telling her friends or family and asking them to help you? Just clean up your space and her daughters. I'm sorry you're going through this, I know leaving will be hard but try taking your days off and spend the day with her daughter out someplace for a day... Idk if these will help but good luck!  

[nikki_4_02_15]

Sry to hear that. Unfortunately all i can tell you is to wait it out. It just might b the morning sickness and hormones getting to her. Trust me i was a greedy selfish face too. I went on family medical leave, and literally only left the bed to pee. I didn't cook or anything while my husband worked and did everything. Which is not like me normally i am always on the go. But after the nausea and fatigue backed off i am now back to working, i do the laundry, make my husband breakfast and dinner, when he's in the shower i have his towel sitting on the toilet for him, his work uniform laying out and clean on the bed, and i am back to keeping the house spotless. I am now 36 weeks pregnant. Things didn't really get better until around my 20th week of pregnancy. There was a lot of strain on our relationship too. But things are so much better now. And i am just so grateful that he hung in there with me. I really don't know where i would be without him. So just hang in there. Hopefully it gets better.

[mandajayne0333]

Yeah wow. I wish my partner did all that. He works full time, im off on maternity leave with our second baby. Im 38 weeks. As far as im concerned i manage the house, hes bringing in the money. We would have no house if not for him. I do the cooking the cleaning and most days get up in the morning with our son, unless im really tired and ask him if hell do it for once. (He works night shift) if i was you i would just stop doing all that. Its one thing to be pregnant, its another to take advantage of your partner in such a way. It needs to be shared. I know you say youve spoken with her and im sorry that she just brushes it aside. I really feel for you, i do. Id start by dividing the household chores, i know thats easier said than done, and i would also if she just continues to brush aside your concerns go stay with a friend for a couple days. I know you love her and i know you dont want to leave her but honestly she really needa a wake up call, that you are not her slave and you are not responsible for the whole world. Staying at a friends would mean she is then forced to step up. Im sorry youre going thru this you sound like a lovely guy and she should be thankful to have u, not take advantage the way she is. Sending my thoughts.

[Hawra2910]

Wow I don't have any advice But I just wanted to say that you are doing the best you can, and her being pregnant is not an excuse to act like this, being pregnant a week from my due date, I still do chores and clean the house because my husband works, I stop when I'm tired though.

There should be a middle ground , yes the guy is suppose to be supportive but she should depend on you to do everything. I've heard that some ladies when they get pregnant they can't stand their partners because of the hormones, so this might be it. I'll suggest having a real conversation with her even if she gets mad, she needs to know how you feel and that it's effecting your relationship in a bad way, best of luck

[ineedlotsandlotsofhelp]

I'm 24. She's 23.

And it will never end. As I would never leave. I love her too much...

I just wanted to vent. And hope to Jesus God other women could give me some advice.

[sep19_2]

Wow! I think you have to put your foot down. You are letting her get away with too much. Hormones aside she has no excuse to be lazy and not help around the house. Especially if she has a daughter she needs to be taking care of. You seem like you help out alot which she should be thankful for because not alot of men will help with household chores let alone get up and take care of a child im assuming is not yours. Plus you work and support her. You need to have a serious talk with her or it will only get worse or you will resent her for it all oneday. Even if it brings her to tears u need to tell her how u feel about it all. I hope everything gets better for you!!

[ineedlotsandlotsofhelp]

I'm 24. She's 23.

And it will never end. As I would never leave. I love her too much...

I just wanted to vent. And hope to Jesus God other women could give me some advice.

[smichellec]

Yikes:( smart idea to come here. Im sure the other women here have better advice I than I do. I'd quit doing all the cleaning. Keep your area clean for yourself. Its too early for all that mess. Unless she's like deathly ill. Keep telling her you love her. And continue taking care of the little one. Its not her fault.  I hope things turn around.

[chany12]

Awww...sorry that ur aving this problem. Some women use pregnancy to get away with everything. But she might not be one of them..im 20weeks n I get bad morning sickness n bad back pains but I make sure my fiance gets a hot meal when he gets home but I let him clean the house cause I cant manage to do it..u guys just av to compromise if not the relationship might end..good luck papa

[valariem214]

It sounds like she has gotten into some bad habbits.... how old are you guys?

[ineedlotsandlotsofhelp]

Oh sorry. It's that bad. I'm no longer excited for the baby to come.

I've actually broke down to her telling her th st I feel this. Way.

When I said she could help out a bit more around the house. Especially since I work.She goes mad

And when I ask her to not forget she's in a relationship. She just brushes it to once side. Likes she really isn't bothered.