Best friends boyfriend

[lynnalb15]

How do you tell your best friend that her boyfriend/ baby's dad is just not into her! I'm so sick of hearing her tell me about how bad he treats her and how he tells her he wouldn't ben be with her if not for their daughter. He hits her an is very verbally an mentally abusive. When he was prego he told her he ws going to punch her in the stomach to terminate the pregnancy. I getting to the point that I don't even want to be around her because all she does is tell me how horrible he treats her. And it's pointless telling her to leave him because she obviously won't. He's cheated and never wants to spent time with her or baby. It's sickening! She just sits back and let's him do this to her. And I'm at a loss. My poor boyfriend is sick of hearing about it from me cause I'm just so lost on how to help her. And me being pregnant it's stressing me out ad I could kill the guy seeing as how her baby is involved!  So I could use some advice please!!!

[expectingandhopeful]

So sad to read this story. I finally realized that I was in a bad relationship, even though it was not physically abusive like in this case, until I was exposed to couples who respect eachother and their family. I think you should show your friend how a couple should interact, how the father should be caring and loving to the woman who carries his baby. Then she will start comparing, she will feel that she wants the same for herself. If you know any good couples make sure that you introduce your friend to them, let her see what a normal life is. As crazy as it may sound maybe you have a lonely friend who would like to meet your friend, show her and her daughter respect they deserve. :-(

[claire5522]

Very good advice from losingmymindinGA.  Unfortunately the more you push the more that will make her fell like he is the only one that she can turn to/understands her.  What he is doing to her is horrific but no matter how much people around her tell her she will never believe it til she realises for herself. So so sad.

The best thing you can do is be supportive which you are doing at least you will know the things he is doing as she will still confide in you.

If you wanted you could start keeping a diary of all the things she tells you after a while if you show it to her it may let her see how bad it is and often it happens.  Sometime things being in black and white can be far more productive it's something she cant get away from and may look at again and it may start to hit home.

If you can convince her to go to a counsellor that would be really beneficial but until she realises how bad the situation is you may be fighting a loosing battle on that one.  You are a good friend, dont give up on her just yet, she needs you the most right now.  One day she will realise hopefully it doesn't take a dangerous incident for that to happen.

[LosingMyMindInGA]

Unfortunately there isn't any more you really can do other than be there for her.  You can occasionally "plant the seed", but until SHE is ready to accept the gravity of her situation and deal with reality, no one is going to be able to make her.  She's probably scared and uncertain about a lot of things and she probably feels like she deserves it.  Many abusers beat their victims down so badly (verbally and physically) that the victim begins to believe the things that were said, that they are to blame.  It's a very hard rut to come out of.  It takes a lot of support from friends and family and lot of self-determination. If you continue to give her the support she needs, hopefully, she will eventually find the determination and self-worth to pull herself out.  during the times she is complaing, gently bring up the fact that she is teaching her daughter relationship skills by example.  Right now she is teaching her that it is OK for a man to beat her, put her down, use her and abuse her.  Ask her if this is something she wants for her daughters future relationships.  Children get their relationship skills from their parents, and right now this poor little girl is being modeled some pretty disturbing behavior.  

[shimmeringstar]

sit her down and tell her calmly tell her how worried u are and let her know that could lead to abuse it happened to me and its not right no female should go through that and no male should do that im sorry i couldnt say more but i really did wish i would have listened to my friends best wishes hun

[lynnalb15]

I feel like I've tried everything! She just agrees and the next thing I know she's trying to convince me he's not that bad of a guy. And then a day or two later has another story of what he's done to her. It's so fristrating

[Heatherm4]

You should tell her straight up how you feel about the whole situation. Maybe help her find someone that she can talk to about it. Maybe she can get into some councelling and will finally see that he is no good for her.
I really hope she leaves for her and her child's sake.