My sister lost her baby today. =(

[BabyHardiman]

My sister was supposed to be 11 weeks pregnant today.  She went to see her doctor because she had cramps and was spotting... they did an U/S, and said her baby stopped growing at 9 weeks, and could not find a heartbeat or blood flow.  She is so devastated, and I am heart broken for her.

I am 26w1d, and I really want to go see her, but I do not want to upset her more when she sees my belly.  This is her second miscarriage, but she does have one very healthy little 11 month old baby boy.. he is soo beautiful.  Her first pregnancy was a miscarriage, then she had Christopher and now she has miscarried again.

Would you guys stay away and give her time to grieve, or would you go to see her.  I know she says she wants to see me, but I remember my miscarriage.. my SIL and I were pregnant together and I lost mine.. it hurt me sooo bad to be around her and watch her belly grow.  

Am I being selfish for wanting to comfort my sister?  I do not know what to do.

[leighanne143]

they pumped me up with drugs before, during and after my d and c.  i would why they are not giving her anything to calm her nerves.  that is crazy how some hospitals do not think about the complete picture.

i hope things work out.  i am so sorry that this is happening.

[BabyHardiman]

I went to see my sister today at about 2:00 PM.  She went to her doctors office this morning to have the dilating pill inserted into her cervix.  I watched her suffer for 2 and a half hours.  She was in soo much pain trying to pass the remains naturally.  

I wanted to get the name of the medicationt hat they inserted into her cervix so that I could read about what it caused her body to do.  I know if caused her to dilate, and I am assuming that caused contractions and that is why she was screaming in pain.  She has passed alot of blood and clots.  

Seeing her like that tore my heart to pieces.  They gave her percocet (sp?) for pain, but it does not seem to be helping.  

To top off all her pain today, her OB office called to confirm her OB appointment for tomorrow.  I guess they did not update her appointments after her u/s yesterday confirmed the baby had died at 9 weeks.  

I hope she will be able to sleep tonight.  Her boss gave her the rest of the week off of work to heal and grieve.  

Thank you to you all for your support.  I am very lucky to have stumbled upon this group!  

[MomNpain]

I found out at about 10 weeks that my sister was pregnant. I got a call on the 7th from her. She lost her baby, too. That's so sad. My thoughts are with the both of you and to all of those who have lost a baby.

[motherofan18month]

AWWW! sorry to hear that.....my sister-in-law just found out she was preggo the same day i got BFP.... but she had an m/c 2 days ago she was around 6 weeks. i wish both of us could have been pg at the same time but i just took a test earlier and got BFN. again sorry for your alls losses......baby dust to all TTC!!

[Jame0223]

My friend has a 6 mo old and when I lost my baby...we were going to hang out and she left the baby at home so it wouldnt upset me. Honestly I think it would have hurt me.

[davidswife102007]

Same thing happened to me.Iwas suppost to be 10 weeks and they said they couldn't find a heartbeat and the baby was measuring at 6 w 5 d and we went back the next week and still no change.I had to end up getting a d&c.I know the hurt she is feeling.I just had the d & c Saturday.It hurts bad but tell her to keep her head high.Better things will come.

[BabyHardiman]

Thanks for your advice.  I will let her make the call, though I still feel so wishy-washy,  Just yesterday she felt my baby kick and called my baby by her name.  Just yesterday she was putting on her little boys clothes and he kicked at her belly and she laughed and said, "don't kick your little sister".  Just yesterday I saw her husband nestle up to her belly and tell the baby he loved it.  It was a typical happy Sunday.

[AussieinIndia]

you are a gorgeous sister and there is no doubt that your sister knows how much you love her.  I agree with babydream - talk to her first and let her know how much you want to be there for her and that you want to help her in whatever way you can, even if that means staying away.  She'll probably surprise you and insist you go and see her.  It sounds like you are very close.  I know that when I lost my baby I would have given my right arm to be able to have my sisters there, pregnant or not.  I didn't want anyone else to see me, not even my in-laws (I kept to myself for quite a while) but my sisters are more than family and I know I just couldn't feel anything but love and thankfulness that they were there (they live in Australia and it was so heartwrenching for them - both of them were heartbroken for me).  So if she says she wants you there, don't hesitate - go!  

[leighanne143]

it is so hard and ER's suck.  they really do not have any compassion at all.

If you 2 are close i bet she wants you there because like i said, i did want my pregnant cousin with me, but no other pregnant women.

I would suggest that after she is feeling better that he or her husband put a major complaint into that hosptial for their blatent disrespect and unprofessionalism

[BabyHardiman]

Thank you both for your honesty.  I will give her the time that she needs.  I just want to hold her and tell her how much I love her, and reassure her that this was not her fault.  The first trimester is a crucial period in a baby's development.

She works in a city that is about an hour from her regular doctors office.  So, when she saw blood she immediatly went to the nearest hospital.  They let her sit in the ER for over an hour before she went to ask them why it was taking soo long to get to her.  They told her that because she was under 24 weeks that her wait would be just as long as people who had a bump on the head.  That P I SS ED me off so bad when she told me that.  Finally, her husband arrived (he is a wrecker drive and was picking up a wrecked car at the time) and took her to her regular doctor.  So on top of all that happened today, she felt pain because the hospital didn't really care about the life of her baby.  I realize that if she were miscarrying that there is nothing the hospital could do, most likely.

Yesterday we were all so happy and planning how we were going to have the babies pictures taken together right after her baby was born, now that feels like it was only a dream.  This is painful.  

[Gina209]

Same thing happened to me...I had a m/c at 13 weeks, baby stopped growing at 8.
I was devastated and didn't want to even hear about another Pregnant woman. My best friends sister got Pregnant right when I m/c and I couldn't even stand hearing her name...I felt selfish for feeling that way but I couldn't help it. I hated hearing about Pregnant people anywhere or seeing them for that matter. It does take a lot of time to heal...and even though she's your sister it's still going to break her heart.
I would call her, talk to her...and tell her that you want to reach out to her and comfort her but you don't want to make things worse. See what she says, let her decide.
m/c is such a tragic thing...takes a long long time to heal...

[leighanne143]

the d and c is not as bad as it sounds.  I know i did not have it in me to pass my baby naturally, i just could not watch that.  i did opt for the D and C because i read that mnay women who MC natrually still have to have one due to not all the tissue extracting.  the d and c was how i felt comfortable but everyone is different.

I am again very sorry for your losses, it is one of the hardest things someone has to go through and there is not medical justification for it.

[cindy82]

im so sorry for your sister loss. me and my sister was pregnant at the same time, she is due in july i was due in june. it hurt me some to be around her but she was my sister and i loved her no mater what, it wasnt her fault.  it just helped her being there and not really saying anything about hers unless i asked. you need to be there for her, just let her do all the talking on that subject unless she ask. now any body else that was preg i did not want to be around, exept my sister. try calling her up first and asking if its a good time to come check on her. prayers out to yall!!

[babydreams9]

After I mc'd last fall, I felt so many emotions... and one of them was that I didn't want to be NEAR anyone pregnant or with children. I hated feeling that way, but it was just part of the grieving process. I would highly suggest you wait to visit her. However I do encourage you to send her flowers (a friend who recently had a baby before my mc did that for me, and it really touched my heart), send her a card, call her on the phone... so that she knows you're there for her if she needs you. Just because she had a previous mc does not make this one any less painful, nor does having a healthy baby at home.

You are so thoughtful for taking her feelings into consideration; not everyone is so sensitive! I know it's hard to not shower her with affection and compassion, but right now she may just need a little time away from all things baby.

Best wishes to you and your pregnancy. :)

[BabyHardiman]

They gave her a pill to help her pass the baby naturally.  I hate saying "pass the baby" or use the term "abort the baby naturally", but there is really no other way to word it.

We are soo heartbroken.  When I talked to her she was having a hard time even speaking, she had cried so much she was horse.  She really does not want to do a D&C, the thought tears her to pieces.

I wish you lots of luck with your decision and I am very sorry for your loss.  A miscarriage has to be the hardest thing in life to go through, for men and women.  My brother-in-law is just as devastated as she is.

[aanthony]

think we were writing each other at the same time. I would just ask if she would want you there, if not I would give her a day or so. I have been crying off and on all day,and dont know what descision to make. My doctor never gave me the option of the pill. I am just devastated, I wanted this baby so bad, even though it was a surprise and wasnt sure if I was ready. My husband and I have only been married 5 months and were shocked/scared but excited at the same time.

[leighanne143]

i lost my baby the same way, i was 11 weeks alogn and the baby stopped growing at 8 weeks.  No one realizes home crucial of a time the first trimester is because not too many people feel pregnant then.

I know when i lost the baby i did not want to see another pregnant women and i kept telling myself that was very selfish but i knew i needed time to heal, but i did want to see my cousin who was 30 + weeks along.  she made me feel betetr and gave me hope but women i did not know, i just turned the other way.

my deepest sympathy to you and her, it hurts so badly.

[aanthony]

I lost mine today too. I know how she feels. I honestly dont know if I want people around or not. I am 8 1/2 wks and they found no heartbeat, and the baby was measuring 6wks 1 day.I have to decide d&c or wait it out. This was my first though