Thank you all for your feedback! It helps me a lot to feel empowered to say something.
And i told my husband it's not so much what she says but how her tone changes & seems completely annoyed by my daughter when her kid is doing the same thing. I know i need to say something. I've not had the greatest relationship with my mother in law & my father in law lives far away & she's the only one I've been close with on my husbands side & im afraid at losing that relationship.. but not at my daughters expense.
Okay I'm going to play devils advocate & say maybe its due to postpartum hormones & lack of sleep maybe???? If this has been going on beforehand though, I would bring it up to her in private conversation and let her know how you feel. If you speak up and say something, not only will you feel better just for standing your ground, but then she'll be more aware of her behavior towards your daughter. (hopefully)
Im afraid that she will be very confrontational. Her son & my daughter never have a problem.. just my daughter who's 3 & her daughter who is 2. Her daughter is definitely the baby of the family & wines & cries over everything that doesn't go her way. Which she's 2.. but her my daughter is expected to share something that she brought with her but her kids aren't. She will tell my daughter that it's her childs toy & to go give it to them. But she'll tell my daughter she needs to share anything & everything! I know we'll have it out & im dreading it!
I agree, my SIL is the SAME way with my son, and I don't allow it, and for that reason she never watches my son because if she's being a b*tch when I'm around what's she doing when I'm not? She'd probably scream at him. I understand people have more patience with their own kids, but you don't treat mine like crap for no reason..I've honestly after many many problems with my SIL (we used to be close, now that I'm pregnant again she's jealous and we've had issues) I don't talk to her much besides family events. Maybe she's jealous that you're going to be taking some of "her" attention away?
you need to tell her you dont like the way she talk to your daughter an thar you do alot for her and her kids and that you expect a little more respect.