His family is trying to break us up! I've had it!

[LittleTiny Me]

All I can say right now, is that I don't know what to do. I've had it. (right now Im going through so much due to a personal injury I sustained at work & don't have time or patience to deal with more problems!)

I'm 23 & he's 24. I been with my current bf for 4 years this upcoming weekend. Have been through a lot of things together. I mean  A LOT. Obviously we have had a very bumpy relationship since the start since we were very different. We managed to make it work after all these years. There was times where I cheated 3xs with 2 different guys (no sexual contact) because he was always working to much or the main one; I would only see him 2xs a week!

Still we worked through that. Last year was the hardest. He got arrested for a stupid mistake he made at his job. It was so much ****. I didn't know about the arrest until he phoned me from jail to tell me. To my luck, his dad doesn't seem to like me (& I doubt his 2 sisters do, just the brother I think). Well, when it was his court hearing; his brother's wife had to call my bf's dad to see if it was OK for me to go along to the court hearing to see my own bf.  Pathetic. The sister-in-law picked me up, (& of course I lied to my mom since I didn't want her to know since I was embarrassed). At the court I met up with the parents & the older sister. As well as the sister in law. I didn't know how to react. So I began crying. The older sister goes up to me and tells me how to behave & to stop crying. I became upset but didn't show it to know someone told me how to control my emotions (even though I was crying quietly and outside the court room). When the attorney asked who I was, the older sister prompted to say; she's a friend. Rather than she's the gf.

[mami1323]

Honestly, I feel like this will always be an issue for the two of you.  My best friend's husband has very controlling and manipulative parents.  He was caught in between and couldn't give his parents boundaries.  They are now separated after 14 years together because he couldn't put his wife and child first.  My other dear friend is having the same issues with her husband and his family.  After they discussed separation, he's agreed to make it work.  It's very difficult to make a relationship work when someone does not want to change the situation.  Your boyfriend is comfortable with the way things are and goes along with his familiy's wishes.  If he had a problem with it then he would do what he needed to do in order to keep you in his life.  If he's aware of your feelings and of the actions of his family then he's not going to make any changes and you will have to decide if this is something you are willing to stick out.  

[LittleTiny Me]

Sorry, forgot to mention. His family was not aware of the cheating. He did not tell them. This was an issue between us only. When I would ask him to come see me; he would always say...I have to get home. Or my dad will get mad. He wasnt there in other words. It felt like I had no bf so many times.

As for his family; you're right. I've told him several times that he needs to man up already. Stop letting his family control him & its only bc he allows it. I love my bf. I feel empty when I dont hear from him or don't see him. & when I am with him...words cant express how I feel. I am happy. I love him dearly & wouldn't see myself with him. I would just hate to know that if I break up with him; his family will be happy but that both him & I will be in pain.  I've thought of different scenarios & some how it leads to this one being the best. Us breaking up. This is not going to end whether he mans up or not. (turns out the dad was almost the same way with his older brother. Til he moved away. The dad still tries to control the brother's spending of his own $)
The way I see it, the dad is the way he is because my bf is the last one. His sister was "properly" married. The older brother got his hs sweetie pregnant when she was js 17. (Now 30smthg) they have 2 girls. They got married about 5 years ago or so. The 2nd sister (a few years older than my bf) ranned away with her bf to another state. Popped kid after kid after kid. Total: 3 very little girls. Not married. For what I heard; the dad wasnt happy with it. Was mad since this was her favorite girl. The dad began to buy my bf anything to make up for the fact that his fav. daughter left. (this was way before I got with him. He was still a teen) Now, the run away sister a** kisses to the daddy trying to make herself look good and finds out whatever she can to screw over her brother. The sister is trying to break us up because for a while now shes been bugging him to move to her state. That he has "Nothing" to do here & theres nothing holding him back. The dad is sick; not deadly. & my bf is taking him everywhere. Currently; hes the one providing whatever the dad needs. The dad still works but rather than him working...he has my bf doing everything since the dad can no longer perform his job duties (lic. contractor).

[mami1323]

I'm not the expert here but I would like to throw my 2 cents in anyway.  Let me break it down to you.  I believe the reason they do not like you is due to the fact that you cheated on your boyfriend 3 times in your 4 year relationship.  For the reasons you listed, I don't believe that was a good enough reason to cheat.  Not that there is a good reason to do that but to say you did it because you only saw him twice a week is really a poort excuse.  Do you think if he cheated on you, your family would like him?  Especially if it was done multiple times?  However, your relationship issues are your issues and shouldn't be shared with the family.  Now on to the father controlling your bf.  This is very odd, I understand his brush with the law is a problem.  But honestly, it's his life and the dad has no rights to control what he does when your bf is clearly old enough to handle his own affairs.  Does his dad pay for his cellphone?  Does his father pay for the insurance on the car or a car lease?  There has to be a reason why his father takes these things away.  If he does then your bf needs to man up and become a responsible adult and pay his own way.  This way, he won't have to tell you he can't talk or see you because his father has put him on "punishment".  I do believe his family is a bit controlling but your bf allows them to be.  So the problem isn't really with his family, it's with him.  Do not stay with someone out of spite.  What I mean here is, don't stay with him so that you can stick it to his family and prove them wrong.  You want to stay with him because you love him.  Breaking off a relationship that may not be the right one because it is more beneficial to you, would be the best reasoning.

[LittleTiny Me]

After the court hearing; they said he be released within a few hours. Well the family decided to wait for him.  We were all in the older sister's SUV. While in the car; the topic came up of how I being the gf didnt noticed anything/ How could I have not picked up on anything. Pretty much blaming me. It got to the point where I asked the sister in law to take me home. I felt like s***. I told the dad to tell my bf to call me; the dad tells me...does he know your number?! I decided to stay since they said they were coming out soon. After about 6 hours of waiting; I became tired of course. Hungry (since I had js had 1 meal all day) it was now around 7pm. I was also on my period and had to use the RR so bad. I said to the sister; I'm going to go find a RR. She tells me; just hold it. I am. You can too! I wasnt going to hold it for I don't know how long! So I found a place to go.  

He was released around 8pm. He didn't talk to me much & he got into the sister's SUV & off they went home. The sister in law was the one who took me home. Since that day; its been HELL. The dad pretty much controls him. Takes away his cellphone. The car keys. & I am not "allowed" to see him. I had his 2nd sister on my MySpace page. I didn't realize that all she wanted was to see the pictures of us & what/where we were going or doing. The last trip we took was in my car. I paid for the dinner that day. Well she called daddy up & told him that's why he had no $ (not like he did anyways!) bc he was taking me on long trips. I became upset; deleted her off. To this day she keeps sending me request to add her back on. F@#* No! Because of her; my bf got in "trouble" with dad. & I wasn't allowed to see him.  Again she pulled her ****. She went online to the school website he's going too found out he was on spring break & called daddy to tell him. She came up with some BS lie of why she had gone to the website and that's when she found out they were on SB. So the dad took away the cellphone again & the car keys because he had no reason to use the car. The semester ended last week. Today; he calls me to tell me his dad took away his phone and keys so I cant see him today. I've had it seeing him whenever his stupid dad allows it. He's 24 for goodness sake! a  24 year old man shouldn't be controlled whether he made mistakes or not!! Since his arrest, I don't think there's a  day that goes by that I don't think about breaking up with him. Ive had it with his family trying to break us up. Or his family interfering in this relationship. I've told him several times; I don't think your family likes me (and I'm basing this on like 3-5 experiences I've had with them) He claims that its not true. His dad actually likes me. BS I say!

I need some input please. I don't want to break up with him knowing his family will get what they want. But at the same time; I'm tired of dealing with this. I'm tired knowing his family starts **** with him for no reason just so that I don't see him. I don't like to know he's having to deal with **** bc of me. What do I do!??!