What should I do?

[kl009]

My supposed "Fiance' and I have been together for 3 years. We have had a very rocky relationship espically in the start. We broke up and got back together more times than I can count with my fingers and toes. I finally moved away ( for like a month) he "proposed" over the phone and I moved back ( still have no ring) But anyway he drinks every night, he is not abusive or anything, but I hate it. and he knows that I do. we fight about it all the time. More and more since we quit smoking. I have threatened to move out and what not. But I never do besides that one time. I have clearely expressed me or the beer and how I feel that he does not respect me or love me because of his drinking but he wont stop. And so i feel like he is choosing the beer over me. I have stated so many times tht I do not want to live my life with a an alcholic. and I mean it but I do not want to leave him, but i do not want to continue living like this. and there seems to be no end. I really don't know what to do. i seem to be feeling more crazy by the day. I really don't know what to do.

[Richard Pomerance, Ph.D]

To: kl009,

I misaddressed my brief message, above. It should have gone to YOU.

Dr. P.

[Key27]

It is obvious that he is choosing the beer over you, because if someone really wanted to be with someone, he or she would make some compromises to keep that person.  As you said that there were some issues early in the relationship.  When you see things like that, it is probably a sign.  

You have to think about your future.  What happens when you have children and he continues this behavior?   I know it is very difficult to leave someone...I am trying to leave a relationship now also, but in the long run it will make you much happier and relieved that you did leave.

If you are not ready to leave at this moment, maybe you can try separating from him for a while and make it known that it is because of his drinking.  If he really loves you and wants to change, he will.  If he does not show any effort, then he is not worth it.

I hope you all the best!

[Richard Pomerance, Ph.D]

Dear Key,

I see your question has been answered by someone from the community. If you need an answer from me as well, please let me know.

Sincerely,

Dr. P.