Relationship problems

[jmonaco19]

I have been with my girlfriend for 8 months tonight and I am very happy and she is a beautiful woman and we get along extremely well share a lot of same interests and spend a ton of time together. The problem is before this relationship she was a very confused insecure girl and had very many problems. She has had a lot of sexual partners and whenever I ask why she says becuase she wanted to feel wanted and wanted to feel loved but didnt want anything long term because she had trust issues because of her father leaving her when she was 11. She  has no problem talking about it but hates when i bring it up because she continously believes it doesnt matter but i continuely dwell on it and ask her question after question. I just want to know if its really only cause she wanted to feel wanted by other men and didnt actually like acting like a **** and sleep around with these men because time after time she tells me she hates it. I also want to know what steps I can take to move on from this and move into the future with her because im dying to get over this and move on and let it go but the thoughts and images of her with these men keep coming into my mind. I think part of it is i need to forgive and accept her mistakes but im not really sure all i know is I love her and we both need to move on from this and worry about how to make our relationship the best it can be.

[mami1323]

Thanks :)

[specialmom]

Well said Mami!

[mami1323]

Ugh, you sound like my fiance.  When we first got together, I mistakenly opened up about my past.  At one point he even read my ever so personal journal.  For years, he constantly threw a fling I had while on vacation before I met him in my face.  Was shocked that I could have casual sex because he never saw me as that type of woman.  It got so overwhelming in our relationship that I even considered ending it with him because I felt it was so unfair for him to bring up my past sexual experiences and use it to hurt me.  I had no father growing up, I had no significant role model when I was a child.  All I wanted was love, attention and affection from men.  I wasn't easy at all and I didn't really have that many sexual partners but I often times thought sex was a way to keep a man.  Finally we were able to talk about why I felt the need to have sex with these men and he understood that it wasn't because I was loose, it was because I was looking for something from these men that I never got.  As I got older I realized that sex is sacred and to hold onto it until you get to know someone.  I'm not sure how old your girlfriend is but I'm sure she's learned a lot from her past.  I think she's being truly honest with you when she tells you the reasons why she did it.  I don't think she's proud of it at all and wishes only to forget about it.  By you constantly bringing it up, you are hurting her and frustrating her.  You will inevitably push her away.  My suggestion is, deal with it on your own.  Don't subject her to any more conversations about it.  Hopefully you will see more than her past and you will move on.  No matter who you meet, they will have a past.  I'm sure you wouldn't like her throwing your past in your face right?  Good luck.

[aliceaka]

i hope you are not the one who i know and talked to for 8 months now.

[specialmom]

I don't think it is fair to hold her past as a knock against her.  We are all evolving and she is trying to be a better person.  It is cruel to keep it as an issue between you.  If you can't handle it and just get over it, then you should not be with her. It isn't fair to her for you to hang onto your feelings about this.  I met my husband when we were both in our 30's.  We had past lives.  Big deal.  We are together now and that is what matters.  

What are you insecure about?  Are you afraid that she is going to leave you?  I think your feelings have more to do with how you feel about yourself than her, to be honest.  And that is something to work on.  But she shouldn't have to suffer at the hands of her boyfriend for mistakes she made in the past.  Good luck

[Leah71187]

you just need to stop thinking about what happened before you two got together. obviously she wants to be with you since she has stuck with you and didn't drop you like all those other guys. you actually mean something to her where are the others were just booty-calls for lack of a better term. as hard as it may be, you just need to forget about it. as long as she is being faithful to you, there should be nothing for you to worry about. and by asking her about it all the time and stressing over it, your pushing her away. She is most likely trying to leave that part of her life in the past and move on as well and by you constantly bringing it up, your not allowing her too. I come from experience as someone who was like her. i too have had multiple partners because i wanted to feel loved and wanted. My boyfriend knows of this and by him asking me about it once, it has made out relationship stronger. he is allowing me to move on as well as not being insecure about my past life. relax, if she didn't want to be with you, she wouldn't be with you. take advantage of the fact that she chose you and no one else. dont lose her. she's like a bird with a broken wing: all she needs is a little healing and she'll be able to go on with her life. if you care about her as much as you seem to, you'll help her heal by dropping the subject. good luck!

[jmonaco19]

No im not worried about her intentions just cant seem to put the past away and forget the confused insecure person she was. She does things with me both sexually and non sexually she could never even imagine doing with a guy and she has told me she never loved a guy before and just used them to make her feel good enough but never had the courage to commit to a relationship until I came along. I believe her just its hard sometimes not to ask questions about these experiences and wonder if any of them were special etc. I know it does not mattter now because she only seems to want me and does things for me that are truly unbelievable I know she loves me im just trying to find away to find a reason for her past troubles with multiple men and doing stuff with them she regrets and i hate to think about. Part of me knows i need to put this aside and worry about the here and now but part of me cant seem to 100 percent let it go and it always comes back sometimes worse

[tbabi20]

Well you keep bringing it up isn't going to help make the relationship the best it can be.

I believe she could be telling you the truth. Sometimes women think that in order to keep men with them they have to have sex, even if she doesn't want that or enjoy it.

She could be lying but do you really think that's her intentions with you? After 8 months does she seem like the person she used to be? I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt. Do your best with this relationship and put those thoughts away. What matters is that your together now and you want to throw that way for what happened in the past? What if she never told you? I bet you would be upset. I think by her opening up and telling you those things shows that she doesn't want to be that person anymore, that she trusts you and shows that she has faith you won't be like those men...

Just my thoughts. Hope this helped..