in love with a co worker thats not so pretty

[ppadilla3]

help!! iam married but completly in love with a co-worker. my husband is very handsome but not sexually attracted to him....and the other hand this guy at work is not someone that iam typically into and is no way cute...but for some reason iam soo attracted to him and i have found myslef falling for him. how can i get over what other people will think about hes looks? i dont want to sound shallow cause iam not but i just worry i guess help

[vmvnpv]

You are having an emotional affair with this man and you are married!  You need to do one of two things.  A.) Get you and your DH to counselling and work out your problems or B.) Leave your husband because this isn't fair to him at all!  He deserves to be treated better than this.

[mepie]

my husband and i had been married for 11years. he needed a kidney and so i gave him one of mine. 5 months after the transplant he was having an affair that i didnt find out about until 1month before our 1 year transplant anniversary. i am devasted 6 months later. any advice?
  

[ppadilla3]

ok ya i know i need help..but where do i go and what do i say i need help with? iam scared that if i stop what is going on with my coworker that i might always wonder what could of been...hes just the most wonderful person there is...we have always been so close and now that we have actually been together it has been sooo amazing, dont get me wrong i do feel guilty but i guess not guilty enough to stop....i find myself more sexual with him, i useally dont want sex but with him i cant seem to think about anything else. its so weird. i guess as the girl in the post above said it best...i guess i want my cake and eat it to. i really need to make up my mind...iam scared if i take to long that i might just end up alone. and i wil hurt two wonderful guys. if i do stay with my husband how do i get the romance back, cause we have never really had any, we just got along good at first and then i got pregnant the first time we had sex, i was on the pill but it failed. we had been together 4 months and now iam preganat. i have left him before for the same reasons and i went back for our daughter and then here i go again. why cant i be faithful? maybe its me maybe iam scared to be tied down..iam theone that wanted to get married and here iam the one messing it up. iam a mess and i honestly dont know what to do. if i leave my husband am scared that iam just gonna put myself in a huge mess....but how do i fall in the love with my husband again when i cant stop thinking about this other guy? and if i do descide to stay with my husband how do i end the affair when there are so many feelings involved both for me and him? how do i handle myself at work after its over? i cant quit i love my job and i wont make as much as iam now anywhere else starting off. i have bills to pay someone please help me

[pricej]

OK I just read your other post below. What you need is to see a therpist. There is so many things wrong with this picture.

-you was with your husband 5? years before you married him. You had well enogh time to know if you were INLOVE with him.
-then you say you had second thoughts about the marriage but you married him anyway because so many people traveled to see you wed.
-You have cheated
-and your embarresed because you co-worker isn't preety.

I think you are confused and need some one you can talk things out with. I don't believe you are a bad person. i think you are just like any other woman. You want to be happy! And I hope you find it. but right now you are in a bad situtation and it will backfire. I'm sorry to say and could be completley wrong but this co worker might be rebound. you were feeling un loved and rejected so you went some where else. Please be careful1

[missie69]

You sound like a freind of mine. She is playing with 2 guys feelings and a 4yr old boy.  At first when she said she was going to leave her hubby I told her to be with the other one, but now she wants her cake and eat it to.  This other guy has become freinds with my hubby and since she is not leaving her hubby we are telling him to get as far from her as possible.   Her hubby is still living with them and he wants to work it out. I am tring to tell her if he is willing to work things out then try, but she just wants the sex and attention this other guy gives her.Her hubby was adusive verbally, but he has gotten help.   When their is a child invoved and the other party is now willing to try, then why not try to save your marrage.   I married my hubby after 2months nad 4 kids and 9yrs later, we are still together.  Our marrage is not based on sex, we have a good relationship in every way.  Sex now for us is nto there all the time. Yes we are still ttc but after my health went down hill he is very happy to just be with me and try to take the pain away. When we do have sex it is great he shows me that he cares for me just by being with me.   Maybe work on the other aspects of your marrage first then get into the sex. Try to see why you had a child with this man and married him.  There has to be something there. If you and he both are willing to try then try for a couple of months and get the romance and love back.  The other guy has got to understand that you are married even if you are not living together. Ask him to give you time to decide what is best for you and your child.  Only you will be able to figure that out no one else.   Good luck in your decision.
Melissa
Sorry if I am not making to much sence I have brain fog today.

[missie69]

If you really want to make it work with your hubby stop seeing the other guy.   Try dating your hubby again.  Go out and have dinner or go to a movie, try holding hands.  Search deep inside you and find things you love about your husband and things that you love being with him.   Start from the begingin and just rebuild your freindship, love, marriage and then your sexual relationship.  Try to grow together. If you can not go out like my dh and I Just rent a movie and make some popcorn and snuggle on the couch. Most of all talk to each other. If you want to talk I am here.
It does take time.
Melissa

[pricej]

Your pregnante now? Or did i read that wrong? If you are do you know whose it is? The co worker or your husbands? I am so sorry you are in this mess, and I can tell you need some one to talk to. You will probaly always be tempted by the co worker if you stay at your job. I would tell you to quite but i relize life isn't that easy. You are the only one who can figure out who you want to be with. Sooner than later or some one is going to get really hurt. If it was me I would spend some time alone. Try to figure your self out. You know you don't need a man always. And maybe what you need is some time alone. Take a vacation and get away from both of them for a while. Clear your head. Good luck and like the above poster said, there is always some one here to talk to even if you just want to vent.

[ppadilla3]

well ya...god when you put it like that is sounds pretty awful. iam not emabbarssed of this new guy, in fact i want to be with him so much. and i do love my husband iam just not in love with him and iam not sexually attracted to him. i married him thinking my feelings towards him would change but they have just driffted farther away. i cant even tell him i love you anymore cause i dont want to get his hopes up, cause all i can do is think about this other guy. i know i should work things out but this other guy is just so amazing. ive actually fallen in love with someone for them and not just for thier looks, which is what first attracted me in the begginning to my husband. i dont know. mu husband still comes around alot and were the gratest of freinds but i just cant see myself with him in the future. i know i should of thought about this before i married him and i did and i thought that the love i did have for him would be enough but i need love and attention and hes just not like that. he wants to be now but i think its just too late help what do i do

[RockRose]

You have a very small child,  you years later  married her father who you don't love because he comes too quickly,  and you're having an affair after only 4 1/2 months of marriage,  and your main worry here at this point is that you're kind of embarrassed that the guy you're having an affair with is ugly.  And you hope that you don't appear shallow.  So far,  am I reading this right?

Holy cow.