Bad relationship, need help!

[Jennifer1987]

Anyone suffered from bad anxiety caused by a relationship???

I have been suffering with anxiety/intrusive thoughts.. My now ex cheated on me with his ex over a year ago... I thought I could get passed it but when he decided to have a lads weekend away the anxiety hit full force... We were always fighting and breaking up, he was disrespectful and I never really felt loved by him! He was selfish really, thats the only way I can describe it.. As long as he got what he wanted ihe didn't care! but I really love/loved him and breaking up with him (3 weeks ago) was the hardest thing ever!

So Im just wondering if anyone else went through this???

Please tell me if the anxiey can be caused by a relationship, cause I dont know anymore!  Im just so fed up of it all now..

can anyone relate, please tell yer stories to help me!!!

Thanks
Jen
xx

[Jennifer1987]

I really hope ye are right, I really cant take much more of this! Couldn't live the rest of my life with this anxiety!

[mami1323]

It will take a while for your anxiety to dissipate.  Especially if it was due to this relationship.  The loss of the relationship adds stress.  When you are completely over him you will notice that you will feel much more calm.  Right now it's too soon.  Just give it some time.

[mayflowers]

3 weeks isn't that long.  No, it's normal.  When you feel strongly about someone, even if you know it's not "right", it usually takes a while to get over it.  

Be gentle with yourself, it's going to be a while.  When I've really felt something for someone, it has taken me a very long time to feel normal again.  Much more than 3 weeks or even 3 months.  But it may not be so long for you.  Good luck!

[Jennifer1987]

No it said I never really felt loved by him, but I did love him! I was crazy about him, which is why I kept trying... And when my anxiety got worse was when I needed to think about all my options..And I realised I only had 1 optionn really! so I ended it... Against my will and feelings, but i feel stronger for doing it, but Im wondering after 3 week should the anxiety be gone??

[mayflowers]

Been there, done that.  Break up with this guy, move away, move out, get away.  In a few years you will look back and think "what the heck was I doing?".  You will also be opening up doors to meeting the right man or men for you.  What you are feeling is normal but  I can tell from your post that this relationship is going nowhere and you need to just move on.  Good luck.

[Judy246]

I know that accepting that a relationship is mutually over is very difficult. It's a loss (like a death) and in order to heal, you have to feel grief, but not let it become debilitating. If you read your post, one part said, "I never really loved him" and another part said,"but, I really love him."... if this relationship is causing you to feel anxiety, that's a red flag that something is not right.  It's time to accept what you can't change and move forward with your life. Surround yourself with good friends, family and in a healthy environment and everything within time will fall into place. Good luck.

[Jennifer1987]

Ya, I will.. need some me time I think!  Just want to get better.. I need to put me first for once! i was worried that it was OCD.... Thats how bad it has gotten!

[Boogie8481]

Hello, I just wanted to tell you, again that you are not alone.  I have suffered with anxiety because my relationship for the past 5 years.  Most of it is my fault, but some of it isn't.  Sometimes I feel like he gets mad at the littlest things I say or do, and so I am always afraid to hang out with him because I don't want to do anything stupid.  I get nervous sometimes because of this.  So try to just think about yourself.  Make yourself feel great inside.  That way when a worthy guy comes along, your feelings will be renewed.  This way, you won't take it out on the next guy, because, although they are hard to find, there are some great guys out there. But for now, take care of you.

[Jennifer1987]

I know, it helps so much!  Keeps me entertained... If Im bored Il go crazy!

[amish1979]

lol  I know just lightening the mood.

I know what you mean about feeling alone because of the anxiety.  I guarantee there are dozens of people you see every day who are suffering from it as well, we just don't talk about it.  You definitely aren't alone, especially if you stay on these boards.

[Jennifer1987]

Not all men lol!!! Thats what I said lol....

I know I trusted him and he used it! I just feel alone cause of this anxiety!

[mami1323]

That's the healthiest thing to do is take some time and focus on yourself and on your needs.  You weren't stupid, we all do it and we've all done it.  We give all of ourselves to someone and sometimes its not reciprocated.  We just have to learn from the experience.  You will be fine girl.

[amish1979]

Yup, I'm a big, selfish jerk.

[Jennifer1987]

thanks so much!, I know I was a fool for him! Did everything for him,  waas always there when he needed me.. but he rarely stuck by me... I feel so stupid but thats life I suppose! Think Il give men a break for a while and just enjoy nights out with my friends!

Men are so selfish! Ok not all men but most! lol

[mami1323]

Jennifer, you already know my feelings regarding your situation.  Yes, a relationship and the stressors involved in that relationship can cause severe anxiety.  I know I always had it but it was exaserbated (sp?) by my situation.  Even now, I still get anxiety when I see my fiance's cell phone or when I call him and he doesn't pick up right away.  It's very normal to feel those feelings after a betrayal.  It didn't work and that's ok, you tried and now you know how he really is and what you really want out of a relationship.  It will take time to get over the relationship but you will.  You are still very young and have a whole life ahead of you to enjoy.  Good luck sweetie.

[teko]

As hurtful and painful as it is right now, you made the right decision. Two people in a relationship should be equal and treated as such. Anyone that degrades or puts you down to better themselves or get their own way, frankly is not in love with you. He cheated and under other circumstances you may have been able to make it work, but the way he treats you tells the real story. You are better to suck it up and move on leaving him to his own devices. I hope you meet someone worthy of you, you deserve nothing less than to be truly loved. Never settle for less than that! Never.

[babybee123]

jennifer wud u like my email.. im in a very similar situation with my past and now.. x