Aa
Broken Hearted
I became involved with a married man 2 years ago. It was meant to be casual, but we fell in love. In November, he decided to leave his wife. The plan was to be together. In January, he suddenly broke up with me, claiming that, while he loved me, he needed space. He was worried and filled with anxiety about the fact that I have two young children. Apparently, it all became real to him. We have continued to talk over the last 5 weeks. Initially, he told me to have hope and that he would find his way back. However, a couple of days ago he said he was done and this felt right. This man is the love of my life. I am desperate to get him back. I strongly believe if we had an honest chance at a real relationship he would be happy and fulfilled. Is there any hope here? He says he loves me and that if I weren't a mom, things would be different. I can't accept this. We were so happy. To make things more confusing, he seems to want some type of casual sex arrangement with me. I know this is not a good idea, but its hard to say no when you want to just see his face. Please help! This situation is killing me.
Best Answer
Rule #1: don't get/become involved with a Married Man in the 1st place. If He will cheat on His Wife then He is A L R E A D Y un-trust-W O R T H Y.
This man clearly did not want responsibility for his actions. Nor was his love "unconditional" or he would have resolved to see you and your children as a happy family just as you did. A casual sex arrangement would work just perfectly for him, what he really wanted all along. Tell him: "Not on your life!"
I know this hurts. Receiving mixed signals from someone you love can drive you mad. But, this man is selfish and thinks of your relationship only in the ways it can benefit HIM. Sounds like what he really wants is novelty. Tell him to buy a blow-up doll.
I know this hurts. Receiving mixed signals from someone you love can drive you mad. But, this man is selfish and thinks of your relationship only in the ways it can benefit HIM. Sounds like what he really wants is novelty. Tell him to buy a blow-up doll.
First off please don't settle for any man who is cheating on his wife in the first place. I am a man and I have been cheated on and it's not good and usually the person who is cheating is not happy with themselves for some reason. i am sure your an attractive smart woman who could find a great man and sweep you off your feet. I noticed the older we get the easier it is to find a mate but this also comes with some drama and baggage and we don't need any of this trust me.
Jim
Jim
I can get out more...yes. Yesterday was a good day.
I would never choose a man that didn't love my kids. All this time, he did love them. He was amazing with them. That is the part that is so hard. I did not see this coming at all. I saw us as a happy family...and then he changed his mind. I wouldn't put my children with someone who didn't love them, I see now, that he doesn't.
I would never choose a man that didn't love my kids. All this time, he did love them. He was amazing with them. That is the part that is so hard. I did not see this coming at all. I saw us as a happy family...and then he changed his mind. I wouldn't put my children with someone who didn't love them, I see now, that he doesn't.
You're a mom first and foremost. Therefore, you must only date men who actually want to date a woman with children. There are no options here. This guy made it clear he didn't want to date a "mom". Personally, if I were a mom and some guy told me he didn't want to date me because I had kids, I'd say FINE and keep right on walking. I'd never let ANY man in my life who wouldn't want to love my kids, too. There are no compromises there. Unfortunately though, I've seen it over and over again, here and on other message boards, where women keep getting together with guys who hate the woman's kids and then they wonder why the relationship isn't working. That's one of those humongous red flags that should never be ignored by a woman who is a mom. Otherwise you're setting yourself and more importantly, your kids, up for a miserable and very unhappy life.
pgh - the best way to get over a broken heart is the same strategy that gets a song out of your head that's driving you crazy.
The moment you find yourself thinking about him, STOP it. Have some things planned ahead to think about - what you'll fix for dinner, a different way to drive home from work, where you should take a walk tomorrow, a rote poem, etc. Don't allow yourself to cry for an hour every night. That's feeding on itself, and the emotional rush you are feeling from that is rewarding you and keeping this pain going.
He was a jerk. Casual sex was always what he wanted from you, it just wasn't obvious until now because now he has the option for a committed relationship with you. He doesn't want that and never has.
Can you get out and walk a couple miles a day?
The moment you find yourself thinking about him, STOP it. Have some things planned ahead to think about - what you'll fix for dinner, a different way to drive home from work, where you should take a walk tomorrow, a rote poem, etc. Don't allow yourself to cry for an hour every night. That's feeding on itself, and the emotional rush you are feeling from that is rewarding you and keeping this pain going.
He was a jerk. Casual sex was always what he wanted from you, it just wasn't obvious until now because now he has the option for a committed relationship with you. He doesn't want that and never has.
Can you get out and walk a couple miles a day?
Well, I have to say in my opinion You lost "hope" (your word)
for an "honest chance" for a "real relationship" by beginning this relationship with dis honesty. That in itself was not a good beginning.
Now He says "if You weren't a Mom".....
but You ARE a Mom and that is not going to go away. This doesn't sound like good StepFather material to me. Or that may have been an excuse to not further the relationship with You, but either way - I'd certainly take that comment seriously and I'd get busy mending my broken heart.
Good Luck To You
for an "honest chance" for a "real relationship" by beginning this relationship with dis honesty. That in itself was not a good beginning.
Now He says "if You weren't a Mom".....
but You ARE a Mom and that is not going to go away. This doesn't sound like good StepFather material to me. Or that may have been an excuse to not further the relationship with You, but either way - I'd certainly take that comment seriously and I'd get busy mending my broken heart.
Good Luck To You
Yes thats what a broken heart is like and welcome to the club. Been there at least 3 time in my life. And its never an easy road.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Agree with Life. He's not a man of strong or true character. He lied to his wife for so long and presumably loved her at one time, right? So, now he is wishy washy with you.
In truth, relationships that start via infidelity work about 2 percent of the time. Very low rate of these relationships going the long hall.
And dear, when you say you were happy-------- you were never fully with him to know. He was married to someone else and therefore, you only had a piece of him. You never really had him. And then you did have him for a bit and HE decided that you and your kids were too much to take on.
Don't fall victim of desperation and try to stay with him. Let him go and down the road, look for someone available--- really available for a real relationship. He never was. wasn't then and isn't now.
good luck
In truth, relationships that start via infidelity work about 2 percent of the time. Very low rate of these relationships going the long hall.
And dear, when you say you were happy-------- you were never fully with him to know. He was married to someone else and therefore, you only had a piece of him. You never really had him. And then you did have him for a bit and HE decided that you and your kids were too much to take on.
Don't fall victim of desperation and try to stay with him. Let him go and down the road, look for someone available--- really available for a real relationship. He never was. wasn't then and isn't now.
good luck
Thanks. I know it was a bad decision. He and his wife had many issues and their split ended up being mutual. He said he thought we found each other for a purpose and that purpose is over. I am trying to let go, but I just can't. I leave work early every day to cry for an hour while I am alone. The pain is not easing at all. I'm wondering if something is wrong with me or if this is what a broken heart is. Thank you for your supportive reply.
Hi and sorry what your going though as can sense the desperate sadness in your writing. Im sure many people could bash you for being involved with a married man and say things like hes also the love of someone elses life but i will not.
The simple truth is that he is a cheater. He cheated on his wife and now is doing the same to you. I would just gather up your strength, cling to your children and let him go.
The simple truth is that he is a cheater. He cheated on his wife and now is doing the same to you. I would just gather up your strength, cling to your children and let him go.
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I would consider trying to add some exercise into your day as it is a natural stress reliever, throw yourself into things with your young kids, keep a journal to put your pain in.
I would cease all contact with him. Do not be his booty call. And be suspicious that you were the catalyst to his leaving his marriage but perhaps his booty call all along. I don't say that to insult you but rather to give you strength to see this guy for what he was. You can do so much better than him.
I'd also consider some counseling. Why is it you let yourself get involved with a married man? That is a subconscious way of keeping distance on something you really want. I just think there is more going on with you emotionally that you could explore and it might help you make a better decision down the road. And if you feel like you are slipping into a depression, please seek treatment for that.
Stop all contact with him and try to move on. You WILL get over him! I promise.