Wanting to be with another man.

[Mandice2985]

I am 25 years old and my boyfriend of now 5 years is 29. We have 2 children together my son is 3 and daughter is 1. Since the birth of my daughter things between my boyfriend and I have been rocky. I wanted to get married he did not. Which I came to terms with and I am actually thankful we never did because this would be a lot harder now. When we fight(which is very often lately) he resorts to verbal abuse. We dont have sex anymore. Its been a few months since we have shown any affection towards eachother. Lately I have had strong feelings for a guy at work. We went on for weeks just talking and now its going from just talking to having lunch together a few times a week and still just talking over lunch. He has expressed to me how much he likes me. I dont fee like I am in love with my boyfriend anymore. I feel like Its time to throw in the towel like both of us arnt happy. My co-worker makes me feel like I have never felt before. Like he truly cares about me and my feelings and he makes me happy. I think about him all the time. I am attracted to him. Which I dont feel attracted to my boyfriend anymore. I guess I am not sure what I should do... Call it quits or stick in it for the kids.

[inga511]

Mandice-sweetie, you owe it to your kids to ask you boyfriend to go to counseling with you, I am guessing there was a reason that you fell in love with him in the first place, am I right? Ok, so before anything serious happens with this new guy (which by the way after a year you might get sick of too-don't forget)-tell your boyfriend-with a therapist present-that you need more commitment if you are going to be raising his kids. It may be that you are feeling UNDERAPRECIATED by him-maybe a diamond engagement ring could fix that? And a date to buy a dress? Men are not so smart sometimes and you need to spell it out-they can not read your mind. Although sometimes we think they can;)good luck Sweetie, don't be too fast to get in bed with this new sweet talker, you can send mr a message too.

Inga

[specialmom]

Yes, you need to focus back on home.  For a couple of reasons and one less obvious tha the other.  First, you are now a mother and your children's feelings count.  I would guess that things weren't perfect when you got pregnant with baby number 2 and yet you did.  I get that things happen but we do have some part in the choices we make.  You chose to be with this man and have children with him.  I agree with you that it is unfortunate that he is saying he doesn't want to marry----------  as you've set up house as a married couple with kids.  That is a bummer.  But I think that I'd give 'that' relationship your full attention and attempt to save it at this point.  It might not be saved.  Not all relationships can be.  But don't walk away from the father of your children without giving it your all to make it better.  Start trying to reconnect with him.  I'd go to a couples therapist and try to work on communication and getting a plan together for where you are at as a couple.

Okay, now the hard part.  You got with your bf when you were really young at 20.  Now things are not going great--------- and you want to go with the next man that has paid attention to you.  This is not a healthy pattern.  You need to be a grown woman on your own withOUT any man if you leave this relationship for a period of time.  Take a break completely.  Once you've had a "cleansing" period of no men--------- of about a year or so--------- you will be in a much better position to make good choices.  I get that the guy is nice at work------------ they all are in the begining though.  He's putting a band aid on your wounds. And . . . if he is bf material-------------- don't blow it by going straight from your current guy to him.  The statistics on failure of an overlapping relationships are undeniable.  They are starting off pretty doomed.  He'd forever know you are capable of cheating.  Even if it is just emotional------------  he knows that you can lose interest in a relationship and start up with someone new immediately.  While he may seem fine with that now it usually comes back to haunt you later.  So if you do really like the guy at work ------------ after working on your relationship with your current boyfriend------- and then taking a year off if it doesn't work------------  get together with him.

I know what I am suggesting will seem hard.  But it is best for you and your kids.  Plus, it is hard on kids when a parent splits from the other.  Going straight to another guy is comfusing to them and does not allow them to transition properly.  

I do wish you luck.  I hope it all has a happy ending for you!

[cheshchesh819]

firstly and i dont mean to sound like a nag,but take a step back you and your partner havent been getting on and this wounderful person is showing you the attention that you so desperatetly desire from your partner,so too you this guy is the bees knees,when in fact what should really be happening is that you talk to your partner honestly about what is going on in this relationship,before you dive into another one,things do sometimes go stale with couples,and we all sometimes need to vamp it up abit,but please dont rush into anything with this other guy