dad/daughter dance ideas

[MissmyAngel]

Hi, some of you will have read posts, so will know some of my story, and will likely wonder why I'm even wondering at all, but anyways I asked my Dad last July to walk down the aisle with my Grandpa and me. I'm getting married in 3 weeks. I asked him originally in hopes to get closer to him. (I didn't meet him until I was 16 then drifted apart after a couple years, and started trying to have a relationship again 3 years ago, for my young sons sake) Unfortunately he hasn't really tried to reach out to me at all, and for my own reasons I haven't been putting forth a big effort either, to be honest. For those of you who didn't read my old posts, my Dads step-son raped me when I was 18, and thats the reason I drifted away. i never told him or the family.
Anyways, I feel like since I already asked him to walk me down the aisle, it would be rude of me to tell him no now. It is already a given that my Grandpa will walk me down the aisle, as he is very important in my life.

I need to know:
1)For the father/daughter dance, I thought about splitting the song in half, and have one of them cut in on the other. I don't know which one should go first, my friend thought it would be cute if my Grandpa cut in on my Dad, but my fiance thinks that my Grandpa should get to go first since he's more important to me.
2) I was going to try and find a generic song for them to split in half, but then I found the song "Grandpa" by the Judds, and I LOVE it, I'm totally gonna cry when we dance. I'm sure the DJ can meld two songs together, but I really can't think of anything that would be nice to dance with a Dad that I hardly know.
3) One friend had even said to me that if I was her, she wouldn't dance with my Dad at all, since he hasn't really tried to be there for me, and honestly just asking him to walk me down the aisle is an honor he doesn't deserve, which in all honesty is true, I had hoped he would be there for me during this process, but he hasn't even offered any help whatsoever, not monetary, or even emotional.. But how would I even go back and say, "sorry you can't walk me down the aisle?" Honestly I'm torn about this one, I want to be closer, but I also know that until I am totally honest about what his step-son did there will likely never be any closeness, and I've been waiting for the right time, but the right time never seems to come..

Anyways, sorry about getting off topic, again what I need to know is, who should go first, and if anyone has any suggestions about a nice song, for a Dad that I don't know that well.

[KaylaMarie25]

I'm not very close with my father either, we drifted apart when I was 14, I'm now 23. I think you should explain to him that you'd rather walk down the aisle with your grandfather. Just tell him that you don't want him to feel awkward.

[RockRose]

And when you tell your dad,  you can make it about not wanting him to feel awkward.

"Dad,  I've really been rethinking what we talked about walking down the aisle.  I think it would be awkward to have you do that with Grandpa,  since it's really only one person who walks the bride,  and Grandpa sharing it with you would just make everyone wonder why I chose two instead of one.  I'm so glad you're coming to my wedding to share my special day,  but I don't want to be explaining all day why I chose two instead of one to walk me.  Do you feel the same way"?

[RockRose]

I agree with the idea of doing the special dance with your grandfather,  and then later if the spirit moves you during the reception while others are dancing,  dance with him,  but don't have the DJ announce it.  You may want to ask the DJ to play a song you know is special to him,  or just pick a song you like and ask him.  

If you danced with both or had one cut in,  that would be SO AWKWARD.    The guests who know what happened would wince,  and the guests who had no idea would be left pondering why your dad wasn't good enough to do the father daughter dance himself.  

I would also consider de-inviting him to walk you down the aisle.  Since that's usually the position of the dad,  the fact that you have someone else doing it TOO indicates Dad wasn't enough Dad to have this honor.  

Which is true,  but it doesn't have to be obvious to even the most casual observer that your dad isn't up to his job.  

I'd have grandpa do it,  and then if anyone asks why dad didn't walk you,  you can just say very casually that well,  your grandpa raised you and you hadn't really re-connected with your dad until recently.  And we're in the process of re-connecting,  I'm so glad he could be here.

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well the big day is arriving---  yeah!!  I think it is nice of you to have him walk you down the aisle.  Maybe what you need to heal a bit more??  As to the dance, I'd honestly keep it with your Grandfather.  I wouldn't make it a big deal where the dj announces it but rather, know what song is going to be the dance---  have your grandfather ready to go and go out and dance the whole dance with your grandfather.  Then AFTER that a song or two later, do a dance with your father.  I really feel that the person that is most special to you, been there for you and is sentimental to you goes first.  So, that's your grandfather, right?

It is indeed  too late to tell your dad you don't want him to walk you down the aisle.  Not worth doing that.  I had my dad walk me down due to formality of doing it when it probably wouldn't have been my choice.  I was 34 years old, paid for my whole wedding myself, and didn't want anyone to walk me down the aisle.  No one was giving me away---  I was making my own adult choice and would have preferred to just walk myself down.  But, my now husband convinced me that having my dad was a gesture I should make so I did it.  In the end, it was a quick walk down the aisle and not as big of a deal as I worked it up to be in my mind.  So, do the walk and move on.  

And have your dance with your grandfather.  and later dance with your dad if you feel like it without a big dj announcement about it.  The dj works for you and you can tell him/her exactly what you want!  good luck