First time sex with boyfriend

[princesscyndy]

I have been single for like 2 years until I met this guy, we started dating after a 2 weeks of meeting and this is the second month. He took me to  visit his dad twice and I have met his elder brother. I ghetto spend weekends at his since we ate both busy during the week. However, I wonder of he likes me like I do like him.
Thing is, before we met I was a virgin and he was patient for 2 months, well, we had se for the first time last week. Some times I regret it but , most often I dont. We last met Sunday and when I got back home I sent him a wxt saying I enjoyed the weekend with him and I am gonna miss him, he replies saying my text was pretty . He said so because I decorated the text, Tht didn't make sense!!! Since the I don't reply or call or text him it's gone 4 days now.
He sent another today, but I plan not to reply! Please I know this doesn't make any sense but any clue of this guy loves me, cos e doesn't show it, also I plan to tell him am not gonna be having any more sex with him or anyone else until marriage!!

HELP..!!!:(

[myown2]

Well, his loss. You'll find Mr Right, so don't be sad about this not working out.
Things will eventually work out just fine..

[princesscyndy]

Well guess its all over as he won't call! Thanks for the help guys!! It's over!

[princesscyndy]

Ok I will do that shell921 xx

[shell921]

why don't you have any friends? that seems like a red flag to me. you need to figure out how to develop your friend-making skills and make some decent women friends. shyness is no excuse. i am shy and i have always had friends. work on yourself. take some classes, join an exercise group or a book group or volunteer. these are just a few ways to make women friends.
men will come and go in your life but your women friends will be there for you. if you are a good friend to them. i have friends that i knew in 7th & 8th grade. you do not know what you are missing if you have no friends!

[myown2]

You're welcome,,,You sound a lot better already.:)

I haven't read any of you old posts so I don't know your background, where your originally from if you discussed that. But the shyness, and being able to socialize, you can get over that.. Moving out of your comfort zone - thats hard at times, but its like jumping into a swimming pool, you just have to take that first step which can be scary but then it gets easier the next time and even easier the time after that..

Yes I'd like to hear what happens over the weekend..
No matter how it works out, you have your whole life ahead of you and thats something nice to think about. Right now somewhere out there is a guy thats just right for you, so think happy thoughts like that because its true..
Take care.

[princesscyndy]

Thanks! Yeah I know if I say more I am just trying to justify myself.
I have heard all you have said and I dint have friends, am from birth a shy type, always on my books, and on the Internet. Hard to socialise but I always do lots of clubbing right b4 I travelled abroad!
All these situations is due to my background and where I came from. Long story but tooo late.
Yeah it's hard to move on but I will just like the other once if u read my previous post but I always take time . Am online cos this is the only way I got to get advice.
Thanks I will keep you posted if I meet him on the weekend.

[myown2]

princesscindy I agree with a lot of what Londres said in her post.

Sex will never keep a man nor will it get a man. And yes oral sex is sex.

As far as him, I don't know whether he means he is not going to forgive you or if he just means he doesn't want to work it out.
He is a little afraid I think and only afraid because he may have felt you were too demanding of his time before you really knew him. And that can be scary for a guy though others thought you deserved time from him that early on, I didn't or don't see it that way...and that is what was the deal breaker in his eyes I think.

Now here's the thing - I don't know whether he's totally sure he wants to call this off. But you were on the phone with him not me, so you would know.
IF he did want to call it totally off, he could have just said its over don't call, but no, he said he wants to discuss it this weekend...So that has me wondering why does he want to talk.
To me it just confirms what I thought, and that is that he IS a nice guy because he could have just said "you heard me its over good bye." But because he wants to talk it over, its one of 2 things he's not sure himself OR he is just that polite/kind and wants to try to end it but not leave you feeling so hurt..

So you really have to be calm when you talk to him, don't yell and don't beg him to go back. Just tell him you realize you were demanding too much of his time, time that he doesn't have to give you right now...

If your weekend talk with him doesn't work out, you will eventually meet someone else.
You will.
Don't say you don't have what it takes to meet guys. Of course you do. You're a nice girl. You just have to give a guy some space when you meet him and let things just develop slowly..

And you have to make sure you get out to mingle with other people, thats how you will meet a guy.


Join clubs, if you like bike riding, join a bicycle club or barnes and noble book club etc. Or volunteer at an animal shelter on weekends. You don't have to join a dating site ( which can be dangerous as criminals and crazies are all over the Internet) to meet guys.

I have a couple friends who are single and very pretty girls yet they have trouble getting a bf and when they do the guys don't stick around...What I see as their problem, each one actually,,, they are boring to be with, no personality and guys think its a drag to be with them I guess.
Your personality seems to be very nice and guys like that... let your personality shine....and then I bet you will attract someone really nice.

So see what this fellow has to say this weekend.. And by all means don't in any way give him the impression that you are falling apart at the seams,, that will make him leery and nervous...


Sorry you're feeling upset, things will get better in time, really.
Take care.

[Londres70]

I was reading your other posts too......dear, oral sex is having sex too.  Virgin doesn't mean not having vaginal sex.  

[shell921]

as londres says and as I told you previously, you need to figure out who you are and focus on work, friends and hobbies or interests. you are relying on EXTERNAL validation - approval or attention from a man. most men do not value a woman they can sleep with right away. you need to remember that. stop whining and complaining. you have gotten a lot of good advice from women older and wiser than you are. now heed it!

[Londres70]

I am not surprised he doesn't want to work things out.  I really don't understand why you both are talking still because there really isn't anything to talk about in my opinion.  

I feel bad for you dear, but the key to keeping a man around is not having sex with him.  If these other guys left because you wouldn't have sex with them then they did you a favor because in my opinion that's all they probably wanted from you in the first place.  The way to a man's heart is NOT through his "johnson."  (I used a polite word)

I'll say your problem with men/guys is a combination of things.  Sounds like it could be your approach and the kinds of guys you are attracting through things you are saying and doing.  

I would recommend taking the time out away from relationships and really think about what you are doing and what you really want.  You need to figure YOU out.  You sound like a very confused young lady.  

As I recommended.....let this one go.  I am sure it hurts because you slept with him, but if you slept with him based on he will or does loves me and he will stay.....then you have alot to learn about men/guys.  Love doesn't happen in the short period of time that you all were together; it just doesn't work like that.  

Do you have family or friends that can help you through this?  

Refocus your life on you and take a break from all this nonsense.  Do you work or go to school?  Hobbies?  Work on things that are going to shape your future.  

[princesscyndy]

Well myown, he won't forgive. He Thinks its better we remain separate.
Says we should think and discusses during the weekend! One minute am over him the next I think of something that makes me miss him. I know how hard I worked to be with this guy and how long am gona work to get another guy. Am not the lucky kind of girl when it come to this . He is 26 and my prior relationships were kinda same, guys giving up on me. Mostly becos I won't have sex with them! Still no difference with the one I gave up my virginity for though !
I just hate the way I feel. I can't concentrate on anything. It only makes me cry . Am happy when am with this guy. Am sooooo happy. I have never been this happy in my life.
I don't have all it's takes to get a guy and the only way I get to meet guys is online. Which lately I don't do anymore.
Am really hurting and at this point in time I don't know what to do . He may not care but I would have rather he told me that. I told him off but then am soo depressed.
We talk on weekend but I know there is no changing things. It's over and I can't  and don't know how to move on from here.

[shell921]

"Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths"

"No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century."

~Mark Twain

[shell921]

londres asks some good questions--how old is this guy and what have your prior relationships been like? holy cow-you went from zero to 100 by having sex in such a short amount of time.. it was way too soon. especially for a virgin. i know times have changed but i waited years to have sex with my first serious boyfriend and I was a month shy of my 20th birthday! i knew him very well. we were high school sweethearts ad we had done lots of necking and petting and making out prior to having s-e-x. men VALUE what they have WORK for and you did not present a challenge. honey listen--hold yourself in higher regard and distance yourself!

[Londres70]

Your statement...."A question I have been dying to ask is of its normal to have problems 2 months into a relationship".....My response..... I really wouldn't call this any relationship as you all are really dating and getting to know each other.  

And it's not a question of you having "problems" it is a question of what you both are expecting out of this.  I just think he is expecting something different out of this than you are.  Plus, you sound COMPLETELY confused and that's why I told you to take a step back and really think things through.  You are in action without putting any real thought into all this.  I am sure you are coming acrossed completely confused to this guy as well, i.e. breaking things off and then calling to apologize and telling him you want to fix things with him.........looks strange, odd and irrational.  

I think you are being drawn to him because he is the first guy you had sex with and that's why you can't completely let go.  

I would pull back and think things over, not keep going "back and forth" with this guy.  

May I ask..... How OLD is this guy?  What have your other relationships been like?    

[myown2]

You're welcome...

hope things work out, I think it will... but one more thing,,, you said you'll keep texting and calling UNTIL YOU'RE SURE he's forgiven you... No, ya know what,,, if he say's he's forgiven you,,, take it at that and believe him...:) I know as women we sometimes think "well are you sure you mean ......." And thats fine to talk like that once he has fallen deeply for you, but if its in the beginning of a relationship he'll say to himself,,,,'this chick is really getting on my nerves."

So when/if he says Oh don't worry about it, I forgive you...Just say thats good or great or however you word it and then take it from there....But of course, you don't have to follow anything I say,,,, its just my opinion or how I would handle it..

And have fun together!

[princesscyndy]

Yeah. That's true I was a virgin. If you read my previous post from months back u will get those, I did have fun but still I remained untouched! This guy some how is different, determined, funny, friendly and caring, I saw no reason holding back that from him
Thanks guy
Myown2 thanks and right now am gonna have to try to fix everything even of it means calling and texting until am sure he has forgiven me then I will set up something for the weekend and go from there hoping  I have learnt my lessons
And knowing what to and what not to do.

[shell921]

usually the first 3 months the man is on his best behavior. that is ONE REASON why it is best to wait at least 3 months before having sex. i'm not sure if buy what you say--you were a virgin and knew some guy for 2 months and then had sex?

[specialmom]

It is not wrong to have premarital sex Princesscindy unless this is your personal belief system.  I do, however, think that we need to be emotionally ready for it and it is best to reserve for someone that the relationship has a foundation already built rather than having sex be what the relationship is based on.  

I do wish you luck.  Always best to respect ourselves and our bodies.  Peace.

[myown2]

I didn't say she asked the guy to quit his job or be with her 24/7.

Since his work hrs seem to be "extreme" to some of you guys,and extreme I say because it seems people are saying he has no time for her....So I used the "extreme" example of what the opposite would be which is having a guy around you 24/7 or having no job...I know she didn't ask that and I hesitated to use this analogy for the reasons of it being taken the wrong way...

And of course she doesn't have to accept his hrs, who said she has to accept it. I didn't. But what I saw is something that is very common with women when they date a guy with a busy schedule... And I agree with you about nothing being etched in stone.. Each couple is different each situation and depending on a persons life experience with men sometimes thats the lens they see things thru which can distort things at times, so maybe her past relationships play a part in how she sees things, I don't know.

As I mentioned, I would never change my schedule for someone that I didn't know. And he doesn't know her yet... In time he will and then IF he develops feelings for her, he will do whatever he can to drop everything and see her.



And princesslady, I'm not coming down on you... I'm just saying you might have a very good man and you will lose him if you don't stop insisting he spends a lot of time with you at this point, but you now say you don't have a problem with his work hrs and thats good,,, keep in mind that the relationship is just beginning, so you cannot expect him to be as attentive as he will eventually be.

Maybe in the back of your mind you think that because you slept with him that he should be more attentive.. But a man can get a different woman for every night of the week because lots of women are easy(not saying you are), so women need to realize sex is not anything that makes a guy your own...

Guys expect sex and women for some reason go along with it or use the excuse "we're equal and have needs too." Well as I said in another thread, we're not equal as women get called names and guys don't and who would want to let sex rule them anyhow,,, thats slavery of the mind and body as far as I'm concerned.

You're young and I am not saying you're stupid. You made a mistake of sleeping with him, but its behind you and he knows your not a wh ore as he was your first...For those who are under 30 yrs old you probably never heard the word wh ore, because I know its not mentioned in this politically correct society.
(I'm not serious about young people not knowing that word, but lets face it theres some truth 'sorta' to what I said about that.)

But anyway princesscindy,,Seeing him for dinner and a movie on the weekend is fine to start a relationship. Once a week date, nothing wrong with that...gives him time to start missing you as you continue to get to know one another..
In time he will want to spend more time with you when he gets to know you...but that only comes if you guys really like who you both are... You might get to know him and think he doesn't have a nice personality or vice versa...

But whatever you decide I wish you good luck... And as I said I think it could workout from what I see and especially because he knows you didn't ever sleep around..
Good luck! give him space for now.
Hey my Husband gave me space and he got me! :)

[myown2]

Well you have to first see how the problems started....

My own feelings on your situation is that he wasn't giving you any problems you just didn't understand how his job takes up a lot of his time...

And the only other time I saw the friction was when you sent him the text saying you were going to miss him. He didn't reply to that and I think a player would have said oh yeah babeee, its gonna be so hard to wait to see you again,,,, but he didn't reply because he doesn't have strong feelings yet,,,so he didn't want to lie.... HE WILL have strong feelings with you in time if you take it slow and don't expect him to give you his undivided attention... Work is the most important thing in his life right now....I can relate that to how I felt early on with my relationship with my Husband during dating, as I mentioned  or I think I mentioned... but anyhow if there was text back when I was dating and if after 2 months of only knowing each other and if my Husband text me what you text your bf, I would have handled it the same way your bf handled it...

and the reason being is because I wouldn't have missed him - it would be too early for me to have those feelings...

It will be okay, just take things slower and stop worrying...:)

[princesscyndy]

A question I have been dying to ask is of its normal to have problems 2 months into a relationship

[myown2]

That sounds good..

[princesscyndy]

Wow. I love all the comments. I will try to figure out myself and know how it goes! If I can move on then find else I Gould have to try I make things work while I try to support him in what makes him happy! I don't have a problem with his work. I just got another dream job offer yesterday and he was the dirt person on my mine to talk to but when I couldn't reach him it got all messy and I dumped him and well he replied to Tht text. Yeah am young and yeah I will try to figure out me! I feel of I have been through so much with this dude , I shouldn't give up like now. It well it's done I may figure out my next step then

[Londres70]

The poster didn't ASK the guy to "quit his job" or be with her 24/7.

If the man must work long hours so be it; that doesn't mean she has to ACCEPT this if she feels she NEEDS more time with him to built a relationship.  Sounds like he just doesn't have the time presently.  

There is NOTHING "etched in stone" dating someone that someone MUST accept "this or that."  She can say....."Nope....this is NOT for me" and that's perfectly ok.  That's the BEAUTY in dating.