Help!

Question

My husband often intentionally annoys me. He will take one thing such as a way I pronounce something and correct me time and again, interrupting me in the middle of a sentence even though he know it bothers me. There are other things he does too just to get a rise. I am starting to feel a lot less close to him. Any advice?

specialmom · Accepted Answer

so,  in all honesty, he sounds very disrespectful.  next time he does it, please look at him and say firmly "I've had it with you disrespecting me.  I will no longer accept you talking/correcting me like this.  I'm walking away from you from now on."  And start doing it.

this will deteriorate your relationship for sure.  He has to stop it.

Londres70 · Answer

Well, seems he has enough sense when to use this behavior.....when he knows he can get away with it.  

Well, let him know this will no longer be tolerated.  

If he values his marriage he will stop.

Cailin_Rua · Answer

With his sisters he does.

Londres70 · Answer

I would say he uses sarcasm to belittle and express frustration.  

I am not sure if he just started this or if he has been this way since you met him.  If you have allowed/accepted this behavior from the start it might be difficult for him to change this immediately not to say he can't change this. 

Does he do this with other people?

Life360_Dave · Answer

You have to tell him its rude and if he loves you he will respond, i dont want to hurt my wife so i do try to say it better the next time. With all the stresses in life somethimes we goof up.

Cailin_Rua · Answer

I might even get him to read this post, he knows I use forums for advice already. Much of what has been said here might make it clearer to him. Thanks again.

Cailin_Rua · Answer

Its not simply voicing an opinion, if you read the quite above  "Thats ALLS???"  he is pointing out in a rather impolite way (as I said interrupted me mid-sentence) my grammar mistake. That is not voicing an opinion. Its also not a positive way of communicating either. Its just rude.

specialmom · Answer

Having self control is a basic function of getting along with people.  I teach my children that it is alright to think things but we don't have to say everything we think.  It's a social skill and a life skill.  I highly recommend that you help your husband understand what he is doing and ask him to stop.  It is okay to have these expecations of our partners.  We all get annoyed from time to time with the people we love but when it occurs daily, that is a problem.  lots of luck

Life360_Dave · Answer

Coming from a male perspective, my wife says the same thing that i am intentionaly annoying her. But im not, im just giving my opinion. As stupid as this sounds its just part of communicating with her. It does help me to understand when she confronts me as make me realize better to say nothing or try to say it a different way. My 2 cents

Cailin_Rua · Answer

Thanks for your help, I will try that next time.

Cailin_Rua · Answer

RockRose: He isn't really a stickler. He used to intentionally speak poorly when we were living in the country "earl" for "oil" to sound like our neighbors. My speken grammar isn't bad either its just that one word I have a bad habit with.

Specialmom: I make an effort to avoid doing things he would not like, from not getting another tattoo because he would hate it, to not saying the word "smoothie" because he hates the word. Although I admit I swear when I am angry which he doesn't like, but that is a habit I am working on.

I tried telling him again how it bothers me and makes me feel less close but that did no good. Sometimes it feels like I can't get through to him and I end up going over these same issues over and over.

specialmom · Answer

I am concerned about his lack of self control and not caring that he is upsetting you. Okay, so he teases/corrects you----- you tell him that it hurts your feelings, makes you feel disrespected, or annoys you . . . and he continues to do it. Wouldn't you try not to do something that was hurtful or causing problems with your partner?

RockRose · Answer

Cailin,  is he a "stickler" for grammar?  Reason I ask is,  I'm kind of a stickler for grammar,  and table manners.  I was raised in a home where perfect grammar was spoken,  and formal table manners were used during meals,  and it bothers me when boyfriends or my now husband have poor grammar or manners.  Is that what you're talking about?  

Or in general,  does he correct you and make fun of you for things that are just preference - which tool you use for a task,  which route you take to a store,  or how you tackle other tasks that are simply a matter of how you choose to do it?  

Interestingly,  your written grammar seems perfect.

Londres70 · Answer

Has he been this way the entire time that you have known him?

Cailin_Rua · Answer

I don't think so, when I get angy he always tell me he has no problem. He gets upset when I get angry sayin he did not intend to upset me. Todays example was that I said "Alls I need is..." and he replies cutting me off "Thats ALLS???" and laughs at me. He sees me as having no sense of humor for not finding it funny when there is a jab at my expense.