Pretty upset.

[genamarie]

I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. It gets in the way of my relationships, and generally ruins them, as then anxiety causes me to overthink, and then the depression sets in.

Last Saturday night, my boyfriend and I were texting while he was out with his best friend at the bar watching his dad's band play. While texting I asked him if He'd be coming over the next day to spend time together. He said that he would be. So I asked if he'd be staying overnight as I really enjoy waking up next to him. He said he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to, and that he believes he had plans with his best friend again. I overreacted, and got upset because I didn't see why he can always hang with his best friend, especially several nights in a row, but when it comes to me, I feel like I don't get to see him as often as his friend does. My boyfriend said not to "get bent out of shape over it, jokingly, and he said he'd be here all day prior to spending time with his friend. But I still got upset. I feel like each week, he gets his work schedule and he makes plans doing things he needs or wants to do, and I have to be penciled in, basically I just feel slighted. Finally I got upset over how it makes me feel, and I told him I couldn't do it anymore, that I felt like I didn't get time with him like he gives to his friend. I told him "he was free". He responded with "wow, you always think I'm doing something I'm not, but thanks for setting me free though :)". I had already as soon as I sent that more or less break up text, I immediately sent one saying I apologize, that I didn't mean it, and didn't want that. But he sent that text about setting him free, and he never responded to my other texts. I tried to call, left a voicemail. Nothing. No response. I tried the next three days to contact him, all were left without response. He changed his relationship status on Facebook, and restricted what I can see that isn't public, which I noticed there really isn't much of a change on his page, but I noticed he got rid of all the pictures, and other stuff I tagged him in while dating, I don't know if they are just hid from his page, or what, but they aren't there. It's been 9 days since I've heard from him last. I stopped trying to contact him Tuesday, but tried to just ask him a few days ago if I could just have a drawing back that I did for him as I don't want it thrown out if he really doesn't care about it.

Anyway, sorry for the long post, but it's eating me up inside that he never responded to me, and hasn't tried to contact me himself even though I apologized several times for how ridiculous I was, and said I didn't want to end things.

For several months now we had been talking about our future together, which the night before my unruly outburst he ended up bringing up again stating he still wanted what we talked about. He was planning to get me a ring, he wanted to get a house together, get married eventually, and he mentioned maybe several years from now trying to have a baby together.

I'm unable to sleep, and haven't had much of an appetite as my depression is getting to me, and I know I acted childishly, but I know he is acting immaturely also by not speaking to me and ignoring me as we are adults and should be capable of communication. I just don't know what to do.

[Chima7]

It sounds like this guy wasn't that into you and you gave him an easy out. He sounds like kind of a d-bag since he just took your offer to break up without even having a discussion about it but you probably shouldn't have said you were done when you're really not.

I know you said he acted all interested in the beginning and made you think he wanted to be in a relationship but maybe since you're 8 months along now (did I read that right?) the reality might be setting in for him and after spending some time with his probably single and childless friends he has realized that he wants the single life again. Not being chained to a girl who is about to have a baby that isn't even his. I can't blame the guy but I think he handled it stupidly.

I think part of the problem too is that a lot of guys don't like it when they feel like they are being manipulated. It's possible that he was feeling manipulated when you said you wanted to break up. I'm not saying that was your intention but its a common tactic used by many girls to try to get their bf's to chase after them. Guys know about this tactic cause they, you know, talk to each other about it. It's possible that he wasn't going to allow you to play him like that so he called you on it. Again, I'm not saying this is what you intended at all just that maybe that's how he perceived it.

It sounds like he is way too happy about being single again, given his behavior ever since it happened. I think you should probably write him off at this point. If he isn't interested in an instant family including a baby then you have to let him go. You shouldn't want a guy like that around your kid anyway because he would end up resenting and treating your kid badly and that's the last thing you need. Frankly I think you dodged a bullet here because he isn't ready to be an instadaddy and you need time on your own to sort out your own life right now anyway. Think about it and put yourself and your baby first.

[nursegirl6572]

This may shed some light...

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Depression/Feeling-hopeless/show/1972113#post_9262960

[nursegirl6572]

Gena has another thread about this situation from the Depression forum...it may be helpful to read that one as well.  There's more info on the background of their relationship in that thread as well.

Let me find a link.....

[specialmom]

Whew, I didn't read it that way at all.  I see it as mistakes that she made and that possibly she was more interested in him than he her which doesn't make him necessarily a bad person but that they were on a different page regarding the relationship.  good luck to the poster

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, you did not act childisly and are not overreacting in your demands from him. He is the problem not you. Most likely his past relationships were the same and he was the cause of the troubles. He wants the best of both worlds and he is the one thats immature not considering your feelings. He sounds like a terrible person to hurt another human being like he is doing to you.
Try to be strong and walk away from this. He is not healthy for you. You need a kind an loving person to share your life with not someone like him.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome.  Well, a couple of red flags that pop right out to me in reading your post.  Dealing with anxiety and depression is hard and can be a life time battle.  But, it is worth fighting and is your responsibility to work on it.  You must take your medication, keep your therapy appointments, understand when it is your anxiety/depression getting in the way and reign it in.  This is only fair to the people we live with.  When someone has extreme emotions and emotional outbursts, this drains the people around you.  This will go for any relationship you have!  So please take that part seriously.

I do commend you for owning that you overreacted.  That is terrific to be insightful about our self like that.  Now, I do get that you had some concerns about the relationship in that he seemed to spend a lot of time with his buddy which may feel like he prefers him or he is a priority.  And that was hurting your feelings.  Behind being mad often is actual hurt.  I think it would have been good to talk about how you were feeling but not in  tantrum kind of way via text when you were having the outburst.  Obviously, that didn't go over well.

I also always tell women (and men) that you don't say things or threaten things that you don't mean.  It so often backfires as it did here.  You didn't want to break up yet you wrote it.  NEVER write/or say things like that unless you mean it.  You've found out the hard way what can happen when we do.

Now, there is a good chance he was feeling a bit like a break up was fine as well with the way he jumped on it.  

I don't think there is anything you can do to salvage it.  If he comes back, the place to start would be to get that anxiety under better control and to work on self control with the emotions (more even tempered) and better communication.

Break ups are hard and hurt.  I would just keep as busy as you can.  Go out with friends, see family, exercise every day, throw yourself into work or school, keep a journal and give yourself time to heal.  I know it is really hard and will be thinking of you.  Let us know how you are doing.  peace

[mandy876]

sounds like he is a very mixed up person.  has there been anything else going on that seemed a little strange?  wait a little while and accidentally bump into him on purpose.  and see what happens if the spark is still there you will know one way or the other.  it is best to know now than later if you got married and had a baby.  it is a hard situation, you did not say how old you are.  I wish you the best of luck,  my thoughts will with you.  mandy86