How do I do it?

[hopeful1984]

My last relationship ended after 4 1/2 years of dating.. I ended the relationship because we both wanted different things and I just wasn't happy anymore.  After I broke up with my ex I moved on and met a new guy who is currently my boyfriend now.  We been dating for about 5 months now and things are going pretty good..

Now heres my situation..When I was dating my ex he didn't like to hold my hands, or cuddle with me, or show any type of affection in public or in closed doors; however my boyfriend now likes that kind of stuff, so the other day we had a long talk and he brought up that he feels that I'm not passionate enough towards him... and that he feels that I'm just doing things because he wants me to and that I'm not doing it becasue I want to..  When I was with my ex I tried being passionate and he only rejected me telling me that he doens't feel comfortable doing things liket that     ( eg. holding hands or kissing in public)  so from that experience I'm afraid of rejection therefore I'm pulling away from the whole passionate affection stuff with my new love.. How do I explain to him my situation and how do I show him that him that I can be passionate and that I do really love and care for him?

[hopeful1984]

He's soo sweet and awesome and he treats me so right... He is so mature compare to my ex (who was very childish who always wanted to play video games..) I am very happy with him right now and I sat down and told  him that he should give me some time to get use to us and that eventually I'll come around.. I told him that I don't want to feel like I'm being fake around him or that I'm not comfortable.  He completely understood and we're better than ever... thanks for the advices :D

[Haremiliana]

Be yourself do what you want and not what others ask you to do, tell your current boyfriend the situation explain to him that you need time to gain back what you've 'lost'. Be confident, think positive and don't easily give up. All the best to you.

[broke123]

wow same thing happened to me. i dated a guy who hated being affectionate in public and after him i stoped being affectionate to. but any bf ive had afterwards seemed to be very understanding on this topic, and just gave it time. and a lot of it really is a comfort level, once you get to know ur new love more and more, you will be more comfortable just being urself. i think you should explain it to him, that you just need a little more time to get used to being all affectionate again. so he doesnt start to think that you just dont like him. its not like hes going to say "u had a bad experience... goodbye" (and if he does smack him!)
so just explain it to him, and eventually you will come around with the touchy feely stuff =)

Good luck

[socgirl]

explain the situation to him exactly how you explained it on this forum.  Your past history of being/feeling rejected with your ex for attempting to show public displays of affection is affecting how quickly you feel comfortable doing that in this situation.  5 months is really not that long of a time...it may just take you a little longer until you feel comfortable.  Hopefully, your new BF can be understanding of that....if he's not then you're better off without him.  good luck

[hopeful1984]

It's not that I don't want to I just don't know how.. or that part of me is still nervous that he'll push me away (like my ex did) so I'm afraid of that.. I just want him to be able to understand that It'll take me some time to get use to showing affection because I'm not sure how to do that anymore.. Do you know what I mean?

[pertykitty]

everyone is different in their public displays of affection. hopefully he is mature enough to understand public holding or kissing has nothing to do with emotions. if he doesnt understand or still continues to want to change you, maybe he is not very self confident. if you say you just arent into it, but you do care for him he should be ok with that. of course you cant let an old crappy relationship stop you from feeling what you want. honestly i dont see it as a big problem.