Back into the dating scene - Advice?

[Hypnoash6]

I have started to date recently after ending a 2 year relationship 2 1/2 months ago. I have been using a website called plentyoffish which is a free dating site where my best friend found her bf. I am serious about dating and want to find my future husband, basically Im looking for a serious relationship

I have been talking to this guy for 3 weeks now. We have alot of common interests and he is also very close to his family. We txt alot including during the holidays.. ect. Second week of talking we started talking on the phone, and he wanted to meet up. He ended up being too busy on that Thursday so we planned for Monday. His car broke down, which it really did and there was no way of him leaving his house. He works from home so it wasnt a problem for him. He said he would of invited me over but didnt want to be too forward and not meet out in a public place. So finally this past Sunday, I met him at his house. Hes very nice, outgoing, and talkative. We had a great conversation. I asked him if he wanted to see a movie this week or weekend since he wasnt being forward about asking me on another date, he said he would try for a night during the week because his family is down this weekend. He still hasnt said anything about it. He doesnt txt or talk to me all day until I txted him. He said he had a crazy day and I asked what he did - he worked from home, worked out at his house, and shoveled the driveway... I did basically the same thing but had time to talk all day.

I asked him if he has time for someone right now because I know hes been working alot being that he wants to move up in the company. But I dont understand why he cant make plans to hang out or he seems to me that hes not making a big effort? Then Im thinking maybe because his car is broke he cant make plans.  What should I do in this situation?  My thoughts are give it another week, if not tell him where I stand with dating and looking for a serious relationship.

Thanks

[specialmom]

Well, I just think you have a really skewed idea of dating to be honest.  Sure, a goal can be to meet someone to be with long term but dating is to meet people that might fit that bill.  Most people aren't lucky enough to never go through a "dating period" of multiple people before finding someone to be in a long term relationship with. Relationships build and you can't possibly know from some texts/phone calls and a couple of dates if a long term relationship with someone is a good idea.  Once in a blue moon, people get together quickly and things go fantastic and they've met their soul mate.  Once in a blue moon.  

Now since you brought it up, your last guy that started with a spark and ended up being a long term relationship-----------  well, honestly, from your descriptions ----- you over looked a lot to be with him.  You wanted to make it right just to have the relationship when your brain was telling you otherwise.  I'm afraid that unless you stop dating for a while, you'll continue to do that.  Would it be possible to talk to a counselor at some point and find out why being alone is so difficult for you?  I know that having a partner is the goal of most, but when we want it so bad that we go for the first thing that drops in our lap and are disappointed that it isn't going to work out---------  it just really worries me.

Now your statement that you miss having "someone" which is kind of like saying I want "anyone" just to fit the bill of having someone--------- is worrisome.  You don't miss the guy just the idea of having the guy.  Ugh.  This thinking WILL get you in trouble and into another bad relationship.  Don't do that to yourself. You will NOT meet a quality person this way.

You definatley need to meet someone face to face because on line---------  I think your mind is going to play tricks with you.  You want it so bad that you might not be seeing things clearly.  I just don't want you to want it so bad.  You may discover some great things about yourself if you allow yourself to be satisfied with life on  your own for a bit.  

I am pretty sure you won't take the above advice but just be careful that you are not rushing everything just to have someone.  good luck

[Hypnoash6]

Thanks for the advice. The only reason I brought this up is because Im not just looking to date someone just to date but I am looking for someone that I can share long term with. From my last relationship it started with a spark which I felt like it did with this guy but then after I met him in my last relationship he wanted to hang out more and more which I did like. Im not needy but I do enjoy spending time with someone. I guess I just dont want to waste time with people who arent looking for the same thing.

I am currently studying for my boards, just got my first real job which I am really happy about. During the week I go to the gym and make time to see friends. I also am raising a puppy, so I do have alot going on for me. I am just looking for that special someone, and the only thing I do miss about my last relationship is having someone to spend time with. I dont miss him as a boyfriend, as sad as that may sound.

[RockRose]

I don't think he wants a relationship.  I do see people having that experience with internet dating sites - they run into people who post on there,  but really don't want to be in a relationship.  

I really think you're better off meeting people face to face,  who do actually want to physically be with their partners (and I don't mean that sexually,  I just mean want to be in the presence of their friends).

[imanaddict]

From experience with that website, I had guys hitting on me left and right and only wanting to "hook up" so be careful with that site!! And I agree with specialmom, he doesn't seem too interested. Otherwise he'd be knocking down your door (so to speak) and do everything in his power to get you on a date. Definitely proceed with caution...

[specialmom]

Hm.  Well, a couple of things.  I'm not sure you are totally ready to date yet.  Here is why I say that.  You seem pretty desperate to turn something into a "relationship" right away.  You have met this guy one time----------  only one time--------- and are already concerned with how much he calls you, maybe he is too busy for a relationship, etc. etc. etc.  You barely know him.  Three weeks of texting and phone calls does not mean you should be sizing up his ability to be in a relationship.

What you should be thinking about is if he is really that interested.  I'd say that he may not be.  And this should make you less interested in him.

And why I say that you might not be ready to date is that he sounds a little like your last boyfriend to be honest. I think you are just set to repeat some of your old patterns.  

I also wonder about a working person that can't leave their house due to a broken down car.  Why couldn't he get that fixed or get a rental?  Most adults do that.  I see it as a red flag, to be honest or he is using it as an excuse.  

So, I think you need to have a long talk with yourself about pushing for relationships when you are just getting to know someone.  The first several dates are just getting to  know them and you can go on dates with other people at the same time as can the other person.  Then after a few dates if you like one another, then you can decide how to proceed.  

Hey, I hope this came off as I meant.  I know it is really hard to get back into the dating scene after being in a relationship.  And some people are "relationship" people and fall into them quickly.  I just caution you to be careful with your feelings.  I'd also try really hard to join some things where you live now and meet people live and in person.  Does your family belong to a gym that you can extend to a family membership including you?  Go to church?  Look for volunteer organizations to get involved with.  Take a fun night class.  Have you started your ot work?  If it is at the hospital, great meeting place.  

Okay hon, good luck!!  

[Hypnoash6]

Another thing I forgot to add. I told him I added him on facebook last night. He said he hasnt been on it because of work stuff and said he would accept it once he went on. Is he too busy for a relationship and doesnt know it? Thats the vibe Im getting