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How to get a man to talk about the future
My partner and I have been together almost 2 years. We have talked about getting married and having kids, but when I want to actually talk about it, say "i'd like to get married next year" or "I would like to think about children in 4 years", he gets defensive, and says he can't plan tomorrow let alone that far ahead.
He worries about "rushing" into marriage (we've been living together for over a year), beacuse of the divorce rates, but my theory is, that if he won't talk to me about the future, then we'll only become one of those statistics.
Each time I try to talk, he makes me feel like I am pushing him into things he is not ready for. I am 27 and would like to know where my life is heading, and if he can't commit, not to find this out in another 3 or 4 years.
Should I be more laid back and take it as it comes, he says he wants to wait another couple of years to get married. I am getting furstrated that our life seems to be on his timeline, and that I have no say.
We seem to want the same things out of life (but then I could be wrong because he won't talk seriously about it to me), but he just wants me to "wait till he's ready" all the time, and I seem to have no say in the matter.
How can I get him to talk to me about the future so we can negotiate what we want?
He worries about "rushing" into marriage (we've been living together for over a year), beacuse of the divorce rates, but my theory is, that if he won't talk to me about the future, then we'll only become one of those statistics.
Each time I try to talk, he makes me feel like I am pushing him into things he is not ready for. I am 27 and would like to know where my life is heading, and if he can't commit, not to find this out in another 3 or 4 years.
Should I be more laid back and take it as it comes, he says he wants to wait another couple of years to get married. I am getting furstrated that our life seems to be on his timeline, and that I have no say.
We seem to want the same things out of life (but then I could be wrong because he won't talk seriously about it to me), but he just wants me to "wait till he's ready" all the time, and I seem to have no say in the matter.
How can I get him to talk to me about the future so we can negotiate what we want?
I am fully aware that he is a mummas boy. So its just one of the things I learn to live with, agreeing that yes we all have our own imperfections (i'm sure I have them somewhere - I just havn't found them yet Hehehe).
But I do believe that the imperfection of communication is the root of all relationship problems. So even if we are not good at it, we should all try our hardest at it.
I'm probably not that good at it either, cos it seems that my BF doesn't "get" where I am coming from, so I am probably not putting it very well.
I think men & women have different ways of communicating, so women have to learn how to talk in "guy" language, and men in "chick" language.
So how do I speak "guy", and what is it that women understand, so I can ask the BF to talk to me in ways so I can understand his point of view?
But I do believe that the imperfection of communication is the root of all relationship problems. So even if we are not good at it, we should all try our hardest at it.
I'm probably not that good at it either, cos it seems that my BF doesn't "get" where I am coming from, so I am probably not putting it very well.
I think men & women have different ways of communicating, so women have to learn how to talk in "guy" language, and men in "chick" language.
So how do I speak "guy", and what is it that women understand, so I can ask the BF to talk to me in ways so I can understand his point of view?
i think you just opened a new can of worms in this discussion without realizing it. i dont know what your relationship is with his mom but if he is THAT close to her and tells her things, around here we call that a "mamas boy" and you know how mamas dont want to see their sons get married. she could possibly be influencing him in his decision to get married.
also, your statement about "why is this bit so hard?"
well, no one is perfect. no relationship is either. never has, never will. you went on about what a great guy he is except the communication part. well, many men are not great communicators and sometimes ya just have to accept the good with the not so good.
maybe just lay off it all for a bit.
also, your statement about "why is this bit so hard?"
well, no one is perfect. no relationship is either. never has, never will. you went on about what a great guy he is except the communication part. well, many men are not great communicators and sometimes ya just have to accept the good with the not so good.
maybe just lay off it all for a bit.
why is this bit so hard?! did you read any of the valuable advice that was given to you by the women above? does he share the same values as you on marriage in the future? does he spend as much time worrying about you, as you do about him?
Oceans, I know that marriage will not make him a communicator, that's why its important that he talks and opens up now. I honestly believe that if he can't talk to me about this, then there is no point getting married to him at all.
It actually that he's not a communicator, cas he has always been one to talk out his issues with his mother. Maybe that's it, i'm not her!
I think if I can get him to see that I can listen and not judge, he would be able to talk to me, but he seems scared to open up - like he is scared to lose me and that if he is honest about how he is feeling I will get rid of him.
Everyone has doubts at some point, and I think it's imporant to be honest about them. Talk them through and come out the other side a stronger couple.
I think it's just the initial barrier, and once we get past this we can get better and better as years go by. I want to be his rock, I want him to be mine. We are great as friends and have great fun together. When people say you should marry your best friend, he is mine. We also give each other the freedom to do our own thing and be ourselves.
So why is this bit so hard?
It actually that he's not a communicator, cas he has always been one to talk out his issues with his mother. Maybe that's it, i'm not her!
I think if I can get him to see that I can listen and not judge, he would be able to talk to me, but he seems scared to open up - like he is scared to lose me and that if he is honest about how he is feeling I will get rid of him.
Everyone has doubts at some point, and I think it's imporant to be honest about them. Talk them through and come out the other side a stronger couple.
I think it's just the initial barrier, and once we get past this we can get better and better as years go by. I want to be his rock, I want him to be mine. We are great as friends and have great fun together. When people say you should marry your best friend, he is mine. We also give each other the freedom to do our own thing and be ourselves.
So why is this bit so hard?
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