I cheated on my wife

[bengineer]

I have been in college for a couple years now, and married every day of that; 3 years.  I feel as though I was never able to explore college because I got married when I was 21.  My whole life I have felt ugly and my wife has helped me through a lot of those issues however I have never received much attention from girls.  

This semester a girl and I have been flirting quite a bit, usually after a bunch of our friends, and us, go to the bar.  Until this past Friday nothing had come up from the flirting.  Friday night we ended up being at the same party and danced a couple of times.  I went to her home Saturday night to pick up a project we are working on together (the teams were assigned by the teacher) and tell her that we could not "flirt" anymore; testosterone was high and heart beats were up, I did not leave for an hour.  We did not have sex, or kiss, but, not to be vulgar but I pulled down her pants part way and felt her bum and fingered her for not more than 3 seconds.  It was a situation where she wanted to go a lot farther, and so did I.  

I love my wife and I absolutely don't want to hurt her.  I can't stop feeling guilty about this.  I don't think my wife would ever find out if I didn't tell her, but if I don't and she does find out that will probably guarantee a divorce.  There will be no more flirting, at all, with the other lady.  I will pursue counseling to find the heart of the issue here.  If I tell her I want to tell her soon, but how much do I tell her?  Details?  I feel as though that would just hurt her more.  I was thinking that I would tell my wife that the other lady and I were flirting this semester, we danced a bit, and ended it with hugging and I grabbed her bum.  Should I mention the fingering part?  What parts should I, and should not, tell her?  I can't stand how guilty I feel.  

[DiamondGirlx]

Geezer.....what is wrong with you????!!!!! You obviously love the thrill of the chase, the dangle of the bait, the cherry on the cake but mate........YOU ARE MARRIED!!! Your wife deserves to know your a weak and easily mislead person who cannot control himself. The fact that you freely talk about Drink Driving with your knocked off floosie to go and get your wood sucked, is disgraceful. If you had of knocked somebody down in your car and something real bad happened, (Whilst your driving around town with your cheap bird) What would you of done then. People like you who have no regard for anyone but themselves and what they can get out of other people, are....let me try to put this in a nice way......oopps i cant. Your not a nice guy. As much as you want to justify your self, you are just wrong. Your wife deserves better.

[uvlvrebel]

you might be correct.LOL I guess that would fall under, "first time shame on him, second time..." wait... well something like that.  but we might wanna consider the tart who was the other party too- if she'd had any respect for marriage.  I think most women exert (or should exert) a bit more self-control than men do.  hell- we can turn it off/on...and she'd already been told that he didn't want to. yet still managed to "con" her way into getting a ride home, got naked and went down on him.  I know that when I do that for my hubby- he's putty in my hands, or whatever.  :_)
-rebel
ps- congrats on not smoking!- i'm 23 days w/o one too!

[uvlvrebel]

i think yo u might want to re-consider telling.  as a wife who endured unfaithfulness, I would have rather lived my entire life without knowing. after i was told it took years to move frwrd. and why i didn't divorce him was b/c we had a lot of time (10 yrs)invested in our marriage and i really loved him. he screwed up. i don't live in a glass house, so who was i to judge?  

teko- you might want to qualify your stmt.

[raindelay]

Well, that just wasn't very smart.  

It sounds like you might be purposely damaging your marriage, wanting it to fail, or wanting to hurt your wife.  If you didn't there is no way - particularly after the 'hands in the pants' day - you would have ever, ever considered doing anything with this girl again.  Taking her home after a day of drinking would definitely be an event labeled, "I'm flirting with disaster here."    

[bengineer]

Continued thanks for all of your input and thoughts about my situation.  Since my last entry this lady and I have talked a couple of times and decided that could absolutely not do any of that anymore, but she wanted to continue to be friends.  That was a mistake.  Our being friends lead to me picking her up during the crazy storms we've been having to go to school and study with a bunch of people.  I thought I was being smart, and it was ok, by me not going into her house, rather just waiting for her to come out and we would head off.  After about 14 hours of studying yesterday about 12 of us, including her, went out to a local bar to play pool and relax during stressful school times.  My wife came out for a bit but had to head home to get enough sleep before work today.  I was really excited/glad that my wife came out because I have not seen much of her lately.  Later that night I ended up driving a couple people home, this lady included, and we ended up "parking" somewhere.  I don't even know what to say besides I am ashamed.  We did not have sex, but I was on the receiving end of oral sex.  She was completely naked.  I am not even sure why I am telling you all this.  Did I mention that we were both drunk at the time?  we were.  I can't help but think that it all actually did not happen, but it did.  needless to say, I am sticking with my previous intuition and I will start seeing a counselor.  As for telling her, I know this is going to wreck her; she already has a big fear of me cheating because that was a theme with her boyfriends before we were married.  I am not asking what I should do.  I am telling you all because I think, after inputting part of your own time/lives, you deserve to know the current situation.  I will probably tell her sometime after christmas.  
I'll let you all know what happens.

[DiamondGirlx]

I forgot to mention, after telling my partner, we had the most horrendous 6 weeks of arguments and questions, tears and more tears. However he now knows who i am. He knows my weakness's, he knows my wrongs, he knows me. No one could ever come to him and say to him anything he doesn't already know. He has made the choice to try and work it out. He loves me, I love him, i made a mistake. It is hard, i wont lie. I feel now that i have to prove myself to him but hey,  its only right. If anything, its good for me too. Because i can now show him real love instead of guilt ridden fake half hearted love that, dont get it twisted, she can feel is half hearted. She may not say the words to you, but if you are feeling guilty about your actions, it will show in your actions. She's not stupid.

We are working through what happened and each day is a new day. I would not say it has made us stronger, just 1. made me appreciate what i have a whole lot more, 2. made me see how easily it is to loose what you want to keep, 3. Given our relationship the kick start that it obviously needed. and lastly given us a true foundation which we can build on. No point falling in love with a lie or a liar. No matter how you want to dress it up, you soooo cheated on your wife. Putting your fingers in some other womans neather regions is down right out of order and you know it. So give your wife a break and tell her your sorry, it wont happen again and you love her, thats why you want to be honest and give her the truth. Good luck and stay true to yourself. Dont be a menace!!!