Impulsive behavor & relationships

[Raggaemon]

I was married to a woman who's been clinically diagnose with depression & anxiety which runs in her family. Over time it became clear that impulse control and knowing how to set boundaries were other issues she faces. The impulsive behavior would literally leave her thoughtless, where she follows the impulse shoving consequences aside. Her overall decision making skills can make her seem flimsy, saying one thing then later completely contradicting what she said .. in her own words, " I mean it in the moment I say it". I've been betrayed by this woman after making promises but then lying and going behind my back, leaving her promises out of her impulsive actions, she told me, " I don't THINK at all when that happens. We tried reconciling but as if living with someone who struggles with depression & anxiety aren't enough, her lack of impulse control which she's aware of just ended up being too much.

I looked up "impulsive behavior" which lead to "Borderline Personality Disorder" ... WOW, it fits her exactly. The denials, were firm and she has an uncanny knack of convincing or as she calls it, "explaining" things that make sense to her way of thinking but that seem contradictory and unreasonable.

Letting go of someone with impulse control issues, isn't always a snap, because of the intensity of their emotions which crosses over into the physical-sexual intensity ... I'm doing better now though.

[Raggaemon]

Thanks for your comments, I appreciate it.

In all honesty, there were signs early-on that I chose to label as something other. I had just moved here away from my kids and family, I didn't know anyone here, I had never lived far from my kids or family before, and my brother had just passed away, we were best friends... as my therapist described it, " you were in a very vulnerable place, you needed more time".

I can see now that we didn't spend enough time in discovery, being in the state of emotional shock I was in at the time, moving too fast was the ingredient that started things off on a weak foundation.

I will always love her, I don't fault her, it's just how it goes, some people have struggles that can make successful relationship very challenging, and I do wish her happiness ... I just have to love from a safer distance.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome.  Well, it is never to leave someone.  Realizing that they are not good for us doesn't mean we don't love them anymore either.  Some situations are too toxic to stay in and we do have to make hard decisions.  I'm glad you are doing better.  It's always best to look for signs of issues like you describe before the actual marriage but when you miss them, you have to do what you need to do to take care of yourself.  

I hope she finds peace in her life and you as well.  good luck