In love with Best Guy Friend

[shancmile1]

I have been hanging out with a guy friend that I went to school with.  We talk everyday and it's been 4 months solid of dinners, movies, amusement parks, and movies at his home.  I told him I have feelings for him and he said that he doesn't see me that way.  He said that he fears he will never be able to be happy again because he has been hurt in the past and has made some mistakes and been in rehad/AA for a year.  He is still sober.  My question is could there be feelings and he is just scared?  He texts me all the time and if I don't come see him get's upset and sometimes seems to get jealous.  He literally wants to "hang out" with me everyday.  I love him and wonder if I should protect myself and wean away from our friendship.  I have known him for years and don't want to lose him in my life.

[specialmom]

Oh, I am sad for what I am about to write.  I don't want to hurt you.  I've seen this too many times before.  Okay, I was the one with the guy who really liked me in a romantic way and I saw him as a buddy . . .we spent lots of time together, talked all the time, knew each others secrets, and really had a ball together.  But I did NOT feel romantic torward him.  I so enjoyed his company and he filled a real void in my life.  I realized after a while that his feelings were growing and growing and I backed off of the friendship.  A few years later, I met and fell in love with one of his friends (we are now married).  It was innocent enough, friend wasn't living in town when we met and my now husband had just moved back into town so we had no idea that there was this connection with our mutual friend until we had been dating a while.  Such is life.  Well our mutual friend was a real jerk about it.  He harbored resentment for many years because I could never return his feelings.  I loved him but didn't see him that way-----  and I WANTED to.  I really did but it just wasn't there.  So my point is, your friend gets super kudos for being honest with you.  He isn't trying to break your heart. You are his friend, you fill a spot in his life but he doesn't feel those feelings torwards you.  Just my opinion.  It doesn't make him a bad person------  but you deserve to have someone ga ga for you.  You hear those stories of people who realize after a long time they love each other romantically . . .but it is usually in the movies.  Find a guy who is available for romance for you.  And yes, he will be annoyed because you are filling that spot for him, remember?

Of course this is just my opinion and I could be completely wrong.    Good luck!  I hope it all works out for you and you find happiness.

[Caromar]

Be careful...being sober for one year is not enough to say that he is stable, you might end up triggering his addiction again by pushing this romance thing even after he told you he doesn't want it. Did he say maybe later? it sound by your post that he pretty much said NO, maybe he just wants a friend. Him being jealous doesn't mean anything, that is actually normal when it comes to friendship too. I have always been jealous regarding my best friend, and I know some of her other friends are too, even the ones that are guys, don't get me wrong I'm not bi or a lesbian, but I sincerely don't like seeing her with certain guys whom I think are jerks, even with girls that are not good friends, and I am sure thats how her male friends also feel, so the whole he feels jealous doesn't mean he likes you as a woman, is just a friend looking out for you.Besides you said sometimes seems, that is just you interpreting what you see, he might not be jealous at all...anyway, I would say be careful with seeing things where there aren't any, maybe you in your hurry to see clues of a possible romance are forgetting to see the truth, he already told you he doesn't see you that way. Keep your heart safe! I understand u can't pick who you fall in love with, but still try to be smart ;). My best friend best guy friend was in love with her for over 14 years, just 3 years ago they decided to give it a try, they are pretty happy together but both do realize if it doesn't work, there is no going back to the friendship they had before

[Judy246]

Ok, proceed with caution here! He enjoy's your company, but he has made his intentions real clear when he stated that he does not see you that way, so, with that said, protect your emotions, because he is not ready for a committed, exclusive relationship with you and enjoy's your company, but is not in love with you or has intent for a future relationship. Please re-evaluate if you want to continue a relationship with someone who YOU are putting your hopes up high and he will not be able to respond to you as you deserved to be responded to...so, PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!!!  Judy

[PromisedLand]

Jo929 has it right....there is no worse way to ruin a good friendship by trying to push romance into it...if it's going to happen it will happen on it's own and you both will know it.    I'd back off a few steps...and ease up on any pressure.



Jim

[jo929]

If he has told you that his feelings are platonic he means just that, he is not ready for marriage yet, as he has a way to go with the AA bit, i would not make it harder on him by pushing, it is your decision what to do, but i feel that you should date other men and not just hang out with him, as he may just give in to please you and if he did you both may regret it, give him some slack  luck  jo