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Is he treating me the way he should?
I'm 26 weeks pregnant at the moment and looking forward to having my baby girl..... But I can't seem to shake off feeling blue. A number of events have happened lately. I need a glass of wine or something to relax, but that's out of the question as I do not drink alcohol while pregnant.
A colleague of mine, a friend of my partner and I, has lost his twin brother, a Lance Corporal, whilst in Afghanistan. We are so saddened by this, as you can imagine. A bomb was detonated whilst he was moving civilians to safety. His injuries were fatal. We are struggling to come to terms with this, since you never expect this to happen to someone you know - that's when the reality strikes.
Well that is not all, I have been neglected by my partner lately. He's a good one, he really is, but lately, and this is before the news at the weekend of our friend's loss, he's been snappy with me, impatient, he takes things the wrong way, when I talk to him and make conversation he simply says 'hmm' like he's agreeing with what I'm saying for the sake of it and not because he's genuinely listening to me. He isn't listening though. I just feel lost sometimes. I'm working full time which is exhausting me, I'm finding the house-work too much and I haven't got anyone to talk to. It's better for him, he can go to the pub and meet his colleagues, vent, have a drink and a laugh with friends. But I am just at home. I understand he has to have space, but instead of meeting friends to go wasting money drinking, why can't he take me out to the cinema, see a movie. He complains money is tight but then how can he justify buying alcohol so often. He went to meet the twin brother of the Lance Corp last night, which was fine, I'm glad he is there for him, but he didn't come home until I'd gone to bed, after saying he'd be an hour at the most. I was like ''of course, you go, send him my love'' I just got a bit upset that he didn't come home until late after which I gave up and went to bed. And this morning I said ''we need to leave for work in 10 mins if we are to be early baby'' and he snapped ''oh well you do the packed lunches then !!!'' He's also impatient with the two little boys I have.
I know I'm sensitive, I'm pregnant, and we are going through difficult times, but if we were to always show the care one another deserves, surely that would make things a bit better. I just need to be appreciated a bit more. He wants this baby more than anything so why isn't he treating our family better? When I talk to him, he is in denial and usually responds by criticising me.
A colleague of mine, a friend of my partner and I, has lost his twin brother, a Lance Corporal, whilst in Afghanistan. We are so saddened by this, as you can imagine. A bomb was detonated whilst he was moving civilians to safety. His injuries were fatal. We are struggling to come to terms with this, since you never expect this to happen to someone you know - that's when the reality strikes.
Well that is not all, I have been neglected by my partner lately. He's a good one, he really is, but lately, and this is before the news at the weekend of our friend's loss, he's been snappy with me, impatient, he takes things the wrong way, when I talk to him and make conversation he simply says 'hmm' like he's agreeing with what I'm saying for the sake of it and not because he's genuinely listening to me. He isn't listening though. I just feel lost sometimes. I'm working full time which is exhausting me, I'm finding the house-work too much and I haven't got anyone to talk to. It's better for him, he can go to the pub and meet his colleagues, vent, have a drink and a laugh with friends. But I am just at home. I understand he has to have space, but instead of meeting friends to go wasting money drinking, why can't he take me out to the cinema, see a movie. He complains money is tight but then how can he justify buying alcohol so often. He went to meet the twin brother of the Lance Corp last night, which was fine, I'm glad he is there for him, but he didn't come home until I'd gone to bed, after saying he'd be an hour at the most. I was like ''of course, you go, send him my love'' I just got a bit upset that he didn't come home until late after which I gave up and went to bed. And this morning I said ''we need to leave for work in 10 mins if we are to be early baby'' and he snapped ''oh well you do the packed lunches then !!!'' He's also impatient with the two little boys I have.
I know I'm sensitive, I'm pregnant, and we are going through difficult times, but if we were to always show the care one another deserves, surely that would make things a bit better. I just need to be appreciated a bit more. He wants this baby more than anything so why isn't he treating our family better? When I talk to him, he is in denial and usually responds by criticising me.
Well, we're engaged, we share a home together, a mortgage, a committed monogamous relationship, marriage is next... just as soon as we can afford our dream wedding. It's not a case of having a live-in boyfriend at all.
By partner, do you mean boyfriend, or husband. if he is your husband you should have his attention, but if you are a girlfriend , maybe he feels that he is justified to do as he pleases, most men that live with women go out and when asked if they have a wife they can truthfully say no and do as they please, and so can the woman. i am truly sorry about the loss of the friend luck jo
My sister inlaw is due within a week and my brother caters to her every need. She developed diabeties with this pregnancy and had heartburn the other day. She asked me if I had tums, my brother got up, got in the car, drove to a nearby drug store and brought her tums without her asking. He should be treating you like a queen right now and yes, difficult time is all about having that needed support from your loved one. The one who counts! Have that talk and tell him how his words and behavior are hurting you.
Thanks for the advice Ladies. You are right, it's not just me with a lot on lately, I need to remember it is equally hard for him. I am going to see that we have a good talk about what's been going wrong lately and we will work on that.
Judy, I too feel that instead of going against eachother, difficult times should be about supporting the one you love, your family. Isn't that what gets us through the hard times? I don't believe in bottling up feelings, because in the end they just explode. I would like him to be open, as I am with him.
Judy, I too feel that instead of going against eachother, difficult times should be about supporting the one you love, your family. Isn't that what gets us through the hard times? I don't believe in bottling up feelings, because in the end they just explode. I would like him to be open, as I am with him.
I have to agree with teko, a combination of hormones, stressed for the responsibility to come, but instead of snapping at you, he should be there for you. It's time to come out straight forward and tell him how he is making you feel, whether he likes it or not and see how he response. My heart goes out to you, pregnant, 2 other children, husband moody....it's time for that talk.
You say you have two other children, currently pregnant, money is tight. I would say two things are going on, maybe more. One, you are pregnant, hormones are raging and it sounds like you have no friends or outlet for yourself. Therefore looking to your significant other to make you happy. The second thing I pick up on is this man is scared straight so to speak. It is one thing to have a fantasy of what life will be and quite another to face the reality of it. Three kids to a guy to care for to that of a man already in financial stress is a huge responsibility, add onto that a pregnant woman with hormones and the stress of the job and then the friend thing. I imagine he is just majorly stressed right now. He is in the middle of that fight or flight syndrome. He probably feels like he is drowning.
This as someone else said will get more difficult once the new baby is born. Especially with todays econemy. I no absolutely no one who is doing okay right now that have children. I think their being strapped for cash is what keeps alot of them from leaving each other. lol
This as someone else said will get more difficult once the new baby is born. Especially with todays econemy. I no absolutely no one who is doing okay right now that have children. I think their being strapped for cash is what keeps alot of them from leaving each other. lol
Oh girl, it was so helpful. It worked wonders for us. My fiance is non-communicative and it is hard to get him to open up. But he progressed so well in counseling. She really helps us work through our issues and gives us tools on how to cope with our feelings. We both have an ego thing and neither one wanted to give an inch and so we both just butted heads. Now we've learned how to communicate effectively with our given personalities. It's really worth it. I wish we did it before the baby so that we could've avoided a lot of pressure and tension when Jayden was a newborn.
Yes, they have the expectation of having a baby - that it will be happy and stress free, but that is totally unrealistic. He does not cope well on little sleep as it is, he has a high pressured job, so I can predict real strain ahead. He will love this baby more than anything, I have no doubt, but the strain will most probably show between us.
If it happens, is couples counselling the best way to go? Did it work well for you... overall... was it worth the expense? Or can we get through these issues ourselves?
If it happens, is couples counselling the best way to go? Did it work well for you... overall... was it worth the expense? Or can we get through these issues ourselves?
Can you do some couples counseling? This way maybe he will feel comfortable discussing your issues in a private session and then you both can come together and work through it. I know when I was pregnant my fiance was mistreating me (cheating on me), and that's why his behavior changed. Not saying this is the case with you guys at all, I just know that my fiance wanted the baby for a long time and when it came down to actually doing the work and being supportive, he failed miserably.
I agree with what you're saying that a typical man behaves this way. But what is so strange about all this is he is nothing like this usually - my ex was a typical semi-caring, semi-involved, half-hearted type with the kids/ & me, I know oh-too-well what it's like to live with one, but my man has never been this way until recently. He's usually romantic, kind, caring, he hasn't hesitated to buy anything we need for the baby, I could go on, that's why I don't get it.
I agree though, the kids will always be priority and if things get worse it will be me and my kids and that's it. I am not going to go through being mistreated again (the ex was bad enough). I am quite confident he will overcome this though. It's not like this baby was unplanned, he told me his dream was to have a child of his own with me.
You say to nip it in the bud, what would you recommend I do?
I agree though, the kids will always be priority and if things get worse it will be me and my kids and that's it. I am not going to go through being mistreated again (the ex was bad enough). I am quite confident he will overcome this though. It's not like this baby was unplanned, he told me his dream was to have a child of his own with me.
You say to nip it in the bud, what would you recommend I do?
He sounds like a typical man. Sorry but I think most men run from this new found responsibility. It won't get much better after the baby is born because then the exhaustion really comes in and the stress. If he's struggling now with it, he will struggle even more and you will become more frustrated and lash out. I've been there and it just destroys the relationship bit by bit. My recommendation is to nip this in the bud now. Before the baby arrives. Try to take care of the issues you are having. If he refuses to acknowledge that there is a problem then the only thing you can do is take care of yourself, your two kids and your new baby and hope that he turns around.
I'm guessing that he's scared and perhaps feeling over-whelmed by the prospect of being a father. So, in a sense, he's engaging in distractions to mentally "run away."
It is what is called... escapism.
And, his emotional immaturity and lack of preparedness for the responsibilities at hand is surfacing and manifesting itself as frustration... hence; the "lashing out" behavior.
In answer to your posted question, "is he treating me the way he should?"
The answer is obviously, no!
But, he is as he is.
And, what alternative do you have if he doesn't decide to "grow-up?"
It is what is called... escapism.
And, his emotional immaturity and lack of preparedness for the responsibilities at hand is surfacing and manifesting itself as frustration... hence; the "lashing out" behavior.
In answer to your posted question, "is he treating me the way he should?"
The answer is obviously, no!
But, he is as he is.
And, what alternative do you have if he doesn't decide to "grow-up?"
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