Is it man or his baby mama drama

[Artemis04]

Well hopefully you all do not laugh at me....I discussed this situation with my best friend last night and I am still torn. There is a guy that I have been dating for all most a month now. We have hit it off well and I am happy about that. On our first date, he told me he liked me. I was so happy to hear that, because I wanted to hear confirmation from him before I told him that I liked him. He stated that he liked that I tolerated the some what bad dinner he made me as well as the fact that I laughed at his crummy jokes : ). He stated to me that he is looking for a drama free relationship and women that are not psycho. His ex whom he may have a child with (he is waiting for the results of the parternity test they took this month, which he should get next month). He told me about the situation with the baby and his ex before we even had a first date. I was glad that he did not hide this info from me and was honest. Any how, he has stated to me that he like me and will not hurt me or leave me and I do believe him. Because we have been dating and talking to each other for a month via phone, email, in person, ect and he has not lied to me yet, well at least I believe that. We were suppose to hang out yesterday, but he blew me off to spend time with his possible baby mama and the baby. He wanted to spend time with me but she was there with the baby and he did not want me to come over. I sent him some text that day, and I guess his phone was not near him and she saw the text I sent him. One in particular she got mad about was sensual in content, from a conversation we were having the day before. He state that he wanted to have sex with me and I did not. I sent him a text in return stated that hopefully he can survive with out having *****, lol. Well she saw the text and he sent a text to me back stated that "she was over at his apartment and that she saw the text and jumped his ****." I apologized for the text and that it made his ex mad, but my best friend said I should have not even done that, because I did nothing wrong if he has totally moved on with is life. I apologize because I did not mean for him to get reamed on or for her to be "jumping his ****."  I do not know if he has told her that he has moved on with his life and is dating again or what. My whole thing is, if he is dating what does he care what she though of the text he should have stated to her that that was his business and not hers and that it was a joke. Well I am understanding that even if the child is not his, he wants to act as the childs father, because the baby's mother was raped while they were together. He has been there from day one with this child and most men would not be at our age (I am 26 he is 27) or older. He siad that he wants nothing to do with her outside of the baby, but she was at his house all day and I am afraid to say anything because we are dating/hanging out, I don't live there, and I do not want to seem as though I am monopolizing his time and telling him who he can and can't see. I like him and just do not want to make any mistakes with him, which I stated to him when I text him last night. I can't eat, sleep, function, because I am so confused and stressed right now. I just do not want to be a third wheel and want to find out from him is he ready to move on without his ex. And lets say the baby is his, does he want to resume a relationship with her, knowing all that she has done to him-accused him of beating her, filed false police reports against him, accused him of cheating, ect. And even though she did that to him he paid for her to go to school, bought her a new car, bought her maternity clothes and essentials for the baby, let her live with him for a brief period of time, paid all the bills, so she would not have to work and could stay at home - **** that most men would not do. The baby is 6mos now and he is attached which most men would be that have invested that much time in making a perfect home and who wants to be a parent. I am just wondering what should I do or think, I want us to continue building our friendship/relationship and see what happens. I am not ready to cut ties with him yet,I like him too much for that, which I have stated to him too, but I do not want to be a third wheel in this entire situation. I am at wits end with this and I hope he understands where I am coming from, I am not trying to be a thorn in his side but at the same time, I should not settle for being possibly lied to. The next time he is off is this weekend and I am hopeing that we can talk one way or another.

[Artemis04]

I do agree with you that I could end up liking another guy as much as him. But I stated to him that I would not run off because of his ex and I mean that. If she gets nutz then I may just cut him loose, but I stated to him that I would stick by his side through it all and I have so far with the paternity test. I just hope that he makes the decison that is best for him and not what he thinks his family or ex want. If he has not feelings for her and told her that then his decision should not be to difficult as it pertains to his intimate life. I will give him a month of space to let me know what he decides. If it is not promising then I will move on but still be his (best) friend.

[KATE535]

Just remember, if you do seek out this relationship, now that he IS the baby's father, expect to have his ex being an even bigger influence over him than she already has been, which to me, has been big enough already. Expect it to be a battle to get this guy to prioritise you, expect a relationship where you may be second best. Or, let him go and be a daddy to his child with his ex - I think he will end up stringing you along again, then change his mind, as his ex plays games using his baby. She will play emotional blackmail with him, she still likes him, and you are likely to end up with the worst end of it.
You like him, yes, but you could fall for someone else in the near-future too, someone who wont mess you about with an 'ex', or an 'ex & baby drama'. Just a thought.

[Artemis04]

He found out that baby girl is his from DNA Diagnostics today. Told me that he is needs time to figure out what to do, so I stated to him to take time and figure out what he wants to d. That he is in my thoughs and prayers because I care for him. And that I wish him luck in whatever decision he makes as long as his heart and soul guide him in making the right decision. So I will wait and see what happens but I will not wait all year.

[Artemis04]

Thanks for praising me on my health non-reactive attitude. I have only know him for a little over a month now. I like him and he says he likes me. Well I told him last night that "we needed to talk" rather than "I wanted to talk" and he said that we could talk on Monday. I just need clarity to so much and just want him to provide me with that rather than blowing him off. I think us talking on monday, will allow us to hopefully put all our cards on the table - good or bad- and we go from there. Even if were not mean to be a couple, at least we can be friends. He says he wants more I just have to determine if it is all talk or if he really wants to be more.

[CrazyGastro]

Well, I read over the posts and would like to give my brief opinion.

For what it's worth, I think your positive, non-reactive attitude has been very healthy. You communicated how you felt, stated the position you are in, gave him the space he seemed to need and did your best to reflect on the present situation.

I don't agree with how quickly most people here were to jump up and state that he's positively been lying. From all that you've mentioned, even you have had a hard time knowing whether or not that is true. With the limited information we've been given, it's even harder to make that call. As a male (29 yrs old)- however little that may matter in my conclusion- I do have to say that the odds are low that he isn't hiding anything. He could feel confused, or perhaps worried that she may withhold the presence of the infant from his life. He may still be interested. He may simply have chosen to refrain from including you in every aspect of his life, which is fair given how little time it's been since you've started seeing one another. He may be bluntly lying.
  
But I do not- and cannot- know that from here. And neither can anyone else in this forum with the information presented. All we can do is make poorly educated guesses based on the descriptions you've given- at best.

So commend yourself for your positive attitude, and if you still feel like finding out what is going on, remember that, as it's been pointed out, the relationship has been very brief. Also remember that, although his ex may not appreciate it, it is not his place to bend his whole life around her whims- he could well have you around when she chooses to drop by. You may remind him of that.
Choose your path based on what you know, not on what you suspect. You have so far, so I trust you will. "There are no inconsistencies. If you find any, look around your premises" - similarly stated by Ayn Rand. So if you notice some, there's something amiss, something not being said or clarified. Be honest, up front, direct, and request the same.

Good luck!

[Artemis04]

My best girlfriend told me that I should cut him loose too. She said that if I could keep it platonic that I can go for it but be careful. I am attached to him, but not a "love" attachment. I like him to a certain degree but not like "omg, school girl crush". I am just going to reflect on it all and make a clear calm decision, but I did let him know that I do not want to be strung along and that I am not gonna take his ****, because I have better things to do with my time. I am not going to jump in head first, nor have I, I am keeping a defensive mind/strategy about it all.