Aa
Is the grass greener?
Dating sites can pose a real dilemma or whatever.
After one is married for a while, most people are not in situations where there are many unattached persons available. Marital difficulties are simply accepted. With on-line dating sites, all of a sudden hundreds if not thousands of people are potentially available. Of course, one would have to investigate further to determine actual compatibility. In any event, it is easy to full into the trap, if that what it is, of thinking that someone more desireable is available. In fact, it may become almost an obsession. Why live with unhappiness when happiness is a click away.
Anyone have any thoughts on this idea?
After one is married for a while, most people are not in situations where there are many unattached persons available. Marital difficulties are simply accepted. With on-line dating sites, all of a sudden hundreds if not thousands of people are potentially available. Of course, one would have to investigate further to determine actual compatibility. In any event, it is easy to full into the trap, if that what it is, of thinking that someone more desireable is available. In fact, it may become almost an obsession. Why live with unhappiness when happiness is a click away.
Anyone have any thoughts on this idea?
Thanks for the input ladies
I understand that you are interested in knowing if you made the right decision with marrying your wife, because you seem to feel that you both have changed and the good ol spark isn't there anymore. An older man once was asked why him and his wife lasted for so many years, and he said that they never fell out of love at the same time. Makes sense.
Personally the things that bother me about my husband, are the same things most guys do anyways so I learn to except it and to except that my husband isn't perfect and neither am I. The real question I ask you is, What are you doing to try to make you and your wife a lusting couple again? You can't wait for your wife to change her ways, you must be the better person of the relationship and put your best foot forward. Life isn't always peaches and roses, but we only have one shot on this earth, and you have to decide if this is how you want to live your one life or if you need to do some changes to it now, while you still can.
Personally the things that bother me about my husband, are the same things most guys do anyways so I learn to except it and to except that my husband isn't perfect and neither am I. The real question I ask you is, What are you doing to try to make you and your wife a lusting couple again? You can't wait for your wife to change her ways, you must be the better person of the relationship and put your best foot forward. Life isn't always peaches and roses, but we only have one shot on this earth, and you have to decide if this is how you want to live your one life or if you need to do some changes to it now, while you still can.
I hear what you are saying, believe me, I am one of those people who cringes every time I hear someone refer to their spouse/significant other as their "soulmate". Personally I believe there is no such thing as a "soulmate". There are way too many people in the world, in my opinion. But I also believe if you marry someone then that commitment deserves your full attention and it takes boat loads of work. I am not saying you specifically but sometimes people do not want to put the effort in. It seems easier to just chuck it or even to just say "Oh well, I made my bed, I'll just stick it out and be miserable". Sometimes just recognizing our own complicity regarding the problems helps towards a solution. Again, I know nothing about your situation. How long have you been married? Do you have children?
I see posters (girls) in this forum going back and forth when trying to decide to make a commitment. Obviously it is hard to do. Even when one makes a commitment, it may turn out to be not a good decision. So does one then just live with that decision? In the first place people age and change. It just seems like a contradiction to put so much emphasis on finding the perfect man up front, and then not acknowledging that things aren't so good later. It may not be "issues" that are the problem. It could be that you've become different people in some respects.
So that's where the online question arises. In the past there was no means to identify other possibilities. Read original post. Yes it all may be fantasy, frought with danger. Yet there are the profiles. One's mind can wander and speculate. It may just be an outlet. Does any get what I'm getting at, other than the browser is a cheater.
So that's where the online question arises. In the past there was no means to identify other possibilities. Read original post. Yes it all may be fantasy, frought with danger. Yet there are the profiles. One's mind can wander and speculate. It may just be an outlet. Does any get what I'm getting at, other than the browser is a cheater.
If you want to talk and get some constructive advice about the issues in your marriage, this is definitely a good place for it.
Sometimes time away from daily stress IS the answer. Take my word for it. It might allow a focus change for both of you. Don't diss the vacation! Especially if you are going to "keep chugging along."
Not. Vacation not the answer. Will more than likely just keep chugging along.
You sound like you are losing hope with you marriage. Relationships are difficult. Sometimes they feel impossible. Can you take a breather or do a vacation together? It does wonders for the soul!
Are you happily married or not happily married? I guess my question is are you thinking about doing this?
Married. Did not say I was searching. Just threw the question out there.
I guess cyclingman1 has to answer the question of is he married or newly divorced?
Be careful. A co-worker of my husband found his wife on the Internet. She was in the U.S. but originally from another country (I wont say which country just in case she should log on here which I doubt). She is very beautiful, and a total knock out. They claimed they fell in love before they even met. Long story short, they met, and shortly after that got married. She had lied to him about her job she was suppose to have in the U.S. in reality she had a "work visa" to work in the U.S. but in the meantime she had lost her job and that caused her to be here illegally because no regular job, no work visa anymore. They are married for about 2 yrs and she still has not looked for a job, refuses to have children. He is thinking about divorcing her.
wait, so, if he is a newly divorced man looking on dating websites for a girlfriend, whats the question? is there even a question or is this just an opinion thing?
oh wait, I think I had read your post wrong. Are you now newly divorced?
Well I agree with you if you are talking about finding a new partner when you are single. I gotta say I don't agree if you are already married.
I think good ol' Dr. Phil did a story on something like this where an owner of an internet company was on the show. The internet site was a place where married people could go and meet other married people without the worry of being caught.
I completely think if a person is single and of age then they should maybe look into it, but they also need to be safe about it because there are some real bad people out there. Heck it has been said on myspace alone that there are 25,000 sexual preditors. :(
I guess what everyone is wanting to know is if you are talking about if you are single and doing this, or if you are married and wanting something on the side. Enquiring minds want to know. :)
I think good ol' Dr. Phil did a story on something like this where an owner of an internet company was on the show. The internet site was a place where married people could go and meet other married people without the worry of being caught.
I completely think if a person is single and of age then they should maybe look into it, but they also need to be safe about it because there are some real bad people out there. Heck it has been said on myspace alone that there are 25,000 sexual preditors. :(
I guess what everyone is wanting to know is if you are talking about if you are single and doing this, or if you are married and wanting something on the side. Enquiring minds want to know. :)
"Fit better"? That terms sounds like you are trying to buy a sweater or something. I understand what you are saying but I still think it's better to get a divorce and THEN go on the dating sites. If you're current marriage isn't working for you, and you've tried to work it out through counciling, etc., then find a lawyer and get a divorce.
Maybe try being alone for a while, figure out who are, what's important to you, and what you want out of life. Work on some of your own issues. Then, when you know you can make it on your own, you won't have to settle for just anyone and you'll find a nice person to spend the rest of your life with. If that's what you want.
Maybe try being alone for a while, figure out who are, what's important to you, and what you want out of life. Work on some of your own issues. Then, when you know you can make it on your own, you won't have to settle for just anyone and you'll find a nice person to spend the rest of your life with. If that's what you want.
Are you shopping for a new partner while you are currently in a "committed" relationship? Is this what a person of character does? If you are so unhappy and your current situation is as unworkable as you imply, why not be fair to your partner and untangle yourself before moving on to the wonderful world of cyberdating?
I knew the grass is greener comment would get some reactions. Please reread and note that it was acknowledged that only real experience would determine a true fit. Yes, I agree trying to work through problems is the best approach. Sometimes that cannot be done. In the past people had to just accept unhappiness. Now there is the alternative of online. According to the responders here, people should not or do not consider the possibilities of finding a partner that may fit better? I think that online connection will become even more pronounced in the future. Why shouldn't we all try to find the best fit that we can in a partner? We use that principle in most everything else - best house, best car, best pizza, etc that we can bargain or pay for. I don't advocate exchanging children for some better.
As far as craigslist, that may be the absolute worst place for personal ads. It seems to attract the dregs of society - not saying it applys to all.
As far as craigslist, that may be the absolute worst place for personal ads. It seems to attract the dregs of society - not saying it applys to all.
good point rockrose - those ARE the type of people who typically make up dating sites.
cyclingman - I don't know what dating sites you're looking at, but it sure can't be Craig's list! I've spent time looking at the online personals on Craig's list, and I always feel kind of depressed afterwards. (My husband does know I do this! :D)
What a bunch of pathetic losers. I really never imagined there would be so many people who are totally unattractive (I don't mean physically, really) who have not the first idea of what it would take to make a relationship.
Guys say he come over here for a quickie then leave. They post this many times, finally post a picture of their genitals thinnking that might be effective lure, and then finally post ARE THERE ANY WOMEN OUT THERE?? Gads.
Women post unrealistic expectations of the kind of man they can attract vs. what they actually bring to the relationship, and say idiotic things like must compliment me often especially in front of other people.
Read that, for awhile, cycling man and then thank your lucky stars for the wife you have!
What a bunch of pathetic losers. I really never imagined there would be so many people who are totally unattractive (I don't mean physically, really) who have not the first idea of what it would take to make a relationship.
Guys say he come over here for a quickie then leave. They post this many times, finally post a picture of their genitals thinnking that might be effective lure, and then finally post ARE THERE ANY WOMEN OUT THERE?? Gads.
Women post unrealistic expectations of the kind of man they can attract vs. what they actually bring to the relationship, and say idiotic things like must compliment me often especially in front of other people.
Read that, for awhile, cycling man and then thank your lucky stars for the wife you have!
That is really disturbing. I wonder if your friend ever considers what SHE may be getting from her partners, herpes could be the least of her problems.
Yeah, I don't know abt herpes though. I think in some states she is supposed to tell. It really upset me b/c when she first told me that she had herpes, she said she was very responsible abt telling ppl. After having a few glasses of wine, she told me that she only told the guys she was having a relationship with not the ones she was just sleeping with. I lost a lot of respect for her after that. It is terrible b/c you wouldn't expect someone like her to act that way. I saw the profiles of 2 of these guys and they were really attractive and probably big time players. If they got herpes from her (assuming they didn't already have it) b/c of the amount of ppl they were sleeping with, they probably couldn't trace it back to her anyway.
The thing with dating sites is that ppl lie abt alot of stuff. Their past relationships, their jobs, the amt of children they have.
The thing with dating sites is that ppl lie abt alot of stuff. Their past relationships, their jobs, the amt of children they have.
Wow, that's terrible. You know I think she has a legal obligation to inform people that she has an incurable disease. I believe if you have HIV and go around infecting people you can be arrested. I don't know if the same holds true for herpes but I find that to be completely disturbing.
I've read that up to 20% of the ppl on dating sites are married or in relationships. One of my friends (she was single) has herpes and she used to go on dating sites to find dates. She often slept with them and didn't telll them she had herpes. Who knows how many ppl she infected, I don't think she cares, but this must be how married ppl will suddenly find themselves with an STD.
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