Leaving my boyfriend

[kris123]

Ok, I have had it.  Not only is my BF using drugs some of the time, he still refuses to tell anyone he knows that I am 5months preggo.  He wanted the baby and now he says he has choose to not be a part of it.  He says that I choose to keep and have, and he did to at first, he has a right to change his mind.  Well long story short, last night he got mad at me because he couldn't find his toenail clippers, called me an a--hole etc --- because I of course lost them.  Well I found them, got mad and threw them down the stairs, which he son happen to be going down.  they hit the wall, son not in site and he claimed they hit him. well he came and told me to leave - my name is on the lease just like his is.  and the clippers didn't hit his son, which later he said they didn't. his son doesn't like me and I have tried so hard, give him he space with his dad that he needs, well my BF is hateful to him too.  Anyway long story short, he told me to go, get out, and was so mad that he knocked the clothes I was folding on the bed right off, then later took his fist and hit the bed right beside me.  I cried, cried, and cried.  he is mad because he can't control the fact that this baby is coming, you just can't change your mind about that.  he went as far as to tell me he got lucky last time when I had my miscarraige, said he was glad the baby died.  How could someone say that.  I'm done.  did i do something wrong here?

[anxiousmomtobe?]

Leave, leave now.  We have all been saying this to you over and over again.

Marshall your resources and build a new life for yourself and this unborn child.

[RockRose]

Sohnnie - it will be interesting,  in the end,  to see if you indeed broke the cycle.

If your daughter waits and finds a wonderful,  respectable,  loving and mature man to marry,  and then chooses to have babies after making sure they have a stable home life,  and their finances are in order and their relationship is solid.  That's a broken cycle.

Prayers your daughter will break the cycle!

[sohnnie]

Take 30 minutes a day to READ. Get books - or go to the internet - and look up CODEPENDENCY.  You are right in the middle of it.  I picked out several things you said (that I used to say) "Well at least he didn't..."  "Well, I know he'd never..."

You are minimizing the way he has chosen to live.
You are minimizing the affect this is having on your life, his 2 kids lives - who by the way are going to be adults that treat another human like this - it's a terrible CYCLE that needs to be broken!  YOU can break it - with the little strength you have and save the BIGGER strength for the overewhelming, although joyous feeling of being pregnant and a new mother!!!!!  You deserve to enjoy this pregnancy!  You deserve that!  Your baby deserves it.

Also - I doubt that his teenagers want their parents to get back together.  I never wanted that with my parents - I just wanted to see my Mom happy and healthy.  

Take care of yourself.  I'm a classic, recovering codependent woman.  I had to have counseling.  I now know I'm worthy.  That's the BIGGEST GIFT I've given myself and my daughter!  She sees a healthy Mom who doesn't "put up" with and "make excuses" for her Dad's behavior.  

I've NEVER bad mouthed her Dad - I play on his positive behavior.  My daughter is able to pick up on his negative behaviors.  Why he never gets ahead and he is a whiner.  

Take care of yourself.  Your boyfriend is responsible for his behavior.  Don't be a part of letting him continue with that.  

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[kris123]

You know I can feel God speaking to me.  I know He is saying I can't bless you in what your in.  I know I need to leave and I am, but it is hard.  As for his son, he had two children.  They don't live with him, so he doesn't do the drugs around them.  He never has or will, i do know that.  But I guess I just sit around thinking and wondering how could someone be so mean, so hateful.  He children are 13 and 14.  I get along with his daughter and give them their time with their father when they come down.  He spoke to me this way in front of his son.  I told him does he want his son to be like him, talk to a woman like that.  There is no reasoning with him.  He doesn't understand that he doesn't wake up his kids won't come see him when they are older and he will run out of money with this drug thing.  I am so heartbroken.  He just doesn't care at all.  He was so different in the beginning.  I really feel for his kids.  At least he doesn't do drugs around them, and does spend some time with them, besides the outbursts of anger he displays around them.  It has already spilled over into their behavior and they act in the same was.  his son throws things and his daughter yells and has fits at 14, like a child, both I told him are crying out for him to pay attention to them.  He just needs to take the time and show them that he really cares for them, but I heard him more then once call them fu--king brats.  I have tried to express how this can effect a child.  I have to stay out of it.  I know why they don't really like me and I understand.  They might just want their parents back togeather.  Now I know why his wife left him and cheated on him.  He is turly a mean person.  My baby needs better then that.  I too will be like you.  I will live with my parents until I can rent a place right now there is no money for it.

[pertykitty]

kris i have followed your posts here and im so sorry you are going through this. be strong. drugs make people mean and angry to those they love. you know if having another child doesnt work for him, so be it. you can go and be a great mother. i really wish only the best for you and your baby! keep us posted on where you go ect..

[Kalio1]

Put this loser behind you and move on. You still have time before the baby gets here to straighen up your life. Be grateful you got away from a raging, drug using loser. If he cleanss up his act and can be a decent civil person then fine, he might do the right thing and be a Father, but for now your baby only has you so you need to be trong and get to work on cleaning your life up and creating a stable enviornment. Until he proves he has changed and stopped using, cut him out of your life. Go file for support as soon as the baby is born and make him responsible financially.

Get your parents to help you if you can and get it together! You have a baby coming soon who now has only one parent, YOU to love and protect it. The baby deserves a stable home and the last thing you deserve is someone who i so out of control they rage over lost clippers or someone who calls you names. Yuck. You do not need that ****.

[sohnnie]

Yes. You did something very wrong.  You allowed yourself to continue to be with someone that isn't worthy of you and the baby you're carrying.  Also - although this is about YOU and your unborn baby - let's also go back to his other child  - the son - CHILDREN ARE INNOCENT and don't deserve hateful, drug using, selfish parents.  I pray for you, your boyfriend, his son, your unborn child.  WAKE UP!!!  You posted your feelings for a reason - you wanted to hear someone's thoughts.  LISTEN TO THEM.  I've worked in mental health.  I've lived in a dysfunctional family.  I've overcome what selfish adults do - think about themselves.  It's okay to WANT someone to want you and your baby.  If he SAID OUTLOUD that he's glad you lost the other child - think of what he HASN'T SAID to you.  Do you want that man as the FATHER of your unborn child?  As the person WHO WILL INFLUENCE your unborn child.  Are you proud of him?  Are you proud to say this is the man you want to be with you?  YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING - YOU DESERVE GOODNESS IN LIFE.  NONE OF US DESERVE RICHES AND ROYALTIES.  WE EARN THOSE THINGS.  But, God gave us the gift of life.  Respect it. Embrace it.  Breathe it in.  Up until the day that child is born - it's never too late to START OVER.  Imagine a woman you know and love in your life.  Your mother, sister, friend, teacher?  If they were going through what you're going through - would you shake your head and say WHY ARE YOU PUTTING YOURSELF THROUGH THIS - A GUN ISN'T HELD TO YOUR HEAD, YOU AREN'T HANDCUFFED AND MADE TO STAY IN THIS ****?  Would you do that?  To help them?  Remember: "When you are down to nothing, God is up to something."  God is tapping you on your shoulder and gently whispering in your ear  - BE UNSELFISH!  BE STRONG!  GET YOURSELF AND YOUR BABY OUT OF THIS.  CREATE YOUR NEW FUTURE.  FOR YOU AND YOUR UNBORN BABY.  ALSO - AS A HUMAN BEING - IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY SINCE YOU KNOW HE IS DRUGGING AND NOT BEING THE BEST FATHER TO HIS SON - TO LET SOMEONE KNOW ABOUT IT!  ANONYMOUSLY.  HIS SON - EVEN IF HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU - AND SMALL CHILDREN DON'T LIKE OTHER ADULTS - REGARDLESS OF HOW NICE THEY ARE - THAT TAKE THEIR REAL PARENT'S ATTENTION AWAY FROM THEM - CHILDREN ARE INNOCENT - THEY JUST WANT THEIR PARENTS TO LOVE THEM AND IT'S SO VERY SIMPLE - YET WE MAKE IT COMPLICATED.  MY HEART GOES OUT TO HIS SON, YOU AND YOUR UNBORN CHILD AND TO HIM.  DON'T JUST CRY OUT FOR HELP AND SAY YOU ARE TRYING TO UNDERSTAND HIM AND YOU ARE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO!  DO IT.  NOW.  YOU CAN REWRITE YOUR LIFE SCRIPT!!!!  BE STRONG!  FOR YOURSELF.  YOU COULD CHANGE 4 LIVES IMMEDIATELY!  YOUR LIFE, YOUR UNBORN CHILD'S LIFE, HIS SON'S LIFE AND YOUR BOYFRIEND'S LIFE.  RISE ABOVE ALL THE **** THAT TIES YOU DOWN TO SCUM - RISE ABOVE IT!  BE STRONG!  I WISH YOU THE VERY BEST SO THAT YOU CAN SIT DOWN, BREATHE CALMLY AND SAY, CONFIDENTLY, I'M HAVING A CHILD.  I'M BRINGING A NEW LIFE INTO THIS WORLD - I WANT YOU TO BE ABLE TO SMILE ABOUT THAT GIFT.  TAKE CARE!  READ THE BOOK "HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU" BY  GREG BER...?  CAN'T THINK OF HIS LAST NAME.  WE MAKE LIFE SO COMPLICATED - PEOPLE ARE EITHER INTO US OR THEY AREN'T.  THEY ARE EITHER WITH US OR THEY AREN'T.  YOUR BOYFRIEND DOESN'T HAVE TO PHYSICALLY ABUSE YOU FOR IT TO BE ABUSE.  HE'S EMOTIONALLY ABUSING YOU DRAGGING YOU INTO THE DRUGGING AND THE WAY HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU, YOUR UNBORN CHILD, HIS 1ST CHILD.  HE LIKES HIS SELFISHNESS AND HIS DRUGS. PERIOD.  THE TRUTH HURTS.  MAKE THE TRUTH OF YOUR LIFE A NEW ONE THAT YOU ENJOY.  BREAK AWAY.  RUN AWAY.  BUT REMEMBER...WHEN YOU RUN...DON'T FORGET TO MENTION HIS 1ST CHILD TO SOMEONE - THAT CHILD NEEDS A GUARDIAN ANGEL.  I GREW UP WITH AN ALCOHOLIC PARENT - I BECAME CODEPENDENT - NEVER DRANK OR DID DRUGS - MY ADDICTION WAS THAT I FELT I HAD TO HELP PEOPLE AND THEREFORE ACCEPT ANY **** FROM THEM - BECAUSE I FELT BAD FOR THEM AND BECAUSE I (THOUGHT) I LOVED THEM BECAUSE SOMETIMES WHEN THEY WERE NICE THEY GAVE ME A LITTLE ATTENTION.  BULL ****!  I AWAKENED ABOUT 7 YEARS AGO.  I BREATHE EASY NOW.  MY CHILD LOOKS AT ME AND SEES A HEALTHY MOM.  IT WAS THE BEST THING I DID TO SEPARATE MYSELF FROM MY ALCOHOLIC FATHER - WHO IS RECOVERED NOW - I TELL MYSELF I LOVE HIM AS MY FATHER - BUT I DON'T LIKE HIM.  MY EXHUSBAND - HE AND I GET ALONG GREAT NOW.  IT WAS THE BEST THING FOR MYSELF AND MY DAUGHTER FOR ME TO LEAVE HIM.  HE WOKE UP.  MY DAUGHTER HAS A GREAT RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM AND ME.  I MADE IT HAPPEN AND I'M PROUD.  I'M NOT RICH, I DON'T HAVE A HOUSE , I RENT AN APARTMENT, I DON'T HAVE LOTS OF THINGS - BUT WE HAVE A HAPPY LIFE AND, THEREFORE, MY HEART AND MY DAUGHTER'S HEART IS HEALTHY AND HAPPY. ULTIMATELY:  I'VE CREATED A N E  W  CYCLE OF LIFE FOR OUR FAMILY TO CONTINUE - I BROKE THE BAD CYCLE AND I'M SO PROUD.  IT WAS HARD. VERY HARD.  BUT IT CAN HAPPEN.  JUST DO IT AND BE PROUD!!!!!  YOU ARE AFFECTING LIVES FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS!  TAKE CARE!