any guys!

[Bree_05_15]

Any guys if.u can answer this or girls my husband constantly second guessing us it drives me nuts hes always says I.need to figure.out what I want for.r.relationship I'm like duh u!  saying I.love him if he's always threatening to not come.home or to leave or a while.ago.used to threaten to get divorce papers if he's always second guessing what does that mean does he not want to be with me ?be.always says I'm the only one he wants that he's never going to leave but yet saying that.. nd gets upset when I tell him what did u do with her someone at his work just joking around..

[Bree_05_15]

Thank u

[specialmom]

Smoking pot is self medicating and when it comes to mental health, it is the wrong way to go.  When we say 'it helps', that becomes enabling and makes it so we set no true boundary of acceptable behavior.  If you don't care if he gets high a lot, then it is no big deal.  If you do or don't want a life time of it, then set your boundary now.  I couldn't live with someone that abused any substance by self medicating.  His pot smoking can impede his job opportunities as well.  Something to think about.  Does he work?  (hope so).  

I just don't think you can convince someone to take responsibility for themselves.  Instead, we need to take responsibility for our own self and  children and say what we will and won't live with.  He makes a choice not to treat his bipolar.  You can make a choice to not live with him (by asking him to leave unless he takes his medication consistently) if he doesn't do what he should to be his best self.  

I know it is hard especially since you have a baby. But if you don't take steps now to make it clear that you will not put up with this ----  you'll be stuck until you can't bear it and waste a lot of time before the inevitable break up happens.  It's just not worth it.  Set him straight now.  good luck

[Bree_05_15]

Thank u nd we live with them now nd when he smokes it actually helps but I just dont want him.to do it forever he just needs to realize those pills r here to help..

[specialmom]

Well, I would agree that an untreated mental health issue like bipolar mixed with a weed problem is contributing to the issue.  Do you have parents you can live with?  

I only ask because the writing is on the wall unless he works on these things, that this relationship will fall apart.  And become potentially more volatile which is not great for raising a child in.  

I personally would be firm.  He treats that mental health issues and stops smoking pot or YOU are going to decide to leave HIM.  Set firm boundaries now and he either lives up to him or you go on to lead a better life somewhere else.  good luck

[Bree_05_15]

Ya he thinks he's always right! We are young I'm going to be 20 in July he will be 23 in july we r married and have a 3 week old baby..ya his bipolar disorder I feel hurts r relationship a lot I got him to start taking pills but he won't take them.all the time he gets mad when.I ask him if he took his pill nd he likes to smoke when he's bored ..I feel like the smoke nd the disorder makes r relationship difficult

[specialmom]

It is a form of manipulation to say "I'm leaving".  You could consider calling him on his bluff and telling him that he can leave and come back when his attitude is one that encourages working on the relationship.  

Passive aggressive relationships are very difficult and your husband sounds like this emotional manipulation feeds his desire to control.  Break that pattern.  

good luck

[nursegirl6572]

I agree you guys need couples' therapy.  Also, it sounds like his BPD is not being well managed, is that true?  A lot of these issues he has could be attributed to that.  He needs to stay on top of that with professional help, and meds if warranted.  If he isn't doing anything to manage his condition, I would recommend that you suggest he makes some changes.  If he isn't receptive to you telling him that, perhaps the counselor would have better luck.

How old are you guys?  You both sound very young.

[Bree_05_15]

Thanks! I know we need it so expensive though

[BluCrystal]

Eeekkk!  You need marriage counseling.  There are under currents in your marriage that are quite alarming, and should be addressed by a professional marriage couselor.  Please do this before deciding anything.  Blessings - Blu

[Bree_05_15]

Nd he's bipolar btw