10514421 tn?1412442873

My boyfriend reads...Hentai

I have been dating the same guy for three years now.Since he got a new laptop last year for going to college and now that I need one for going to college,too,he hesitantly gave me his old laptop.I was looking through things in a browser to fix it yesterday and found a bookmark folder for Hentai(which is Anime/Japanese-cartoon porn,in case no one reading this has heard of it)filled with a lot of links,at least fifty.Of course I accepted long ago that he is a huge Anime fan,and I've watched some shows with him,and it was obvious that he likes large breasts such as the ones in a lot of Anime,but I never knew he actually enjoyed Hentai.I talked to him about it when I found out,and he said that's why he didn't want me to have his laptop.

One problem I have with it is that he tried hiding this from me.I accept things better if he tells me about them than if I find out myself.I want him to be open with me,even if it is embarrassing,and we usually are open with each other about everything.Another problem about it is that I don't like that he's goggling over something else,even if it's cartoon people.He enjoys watching cartoon porn with large-breasted girls,which makes me feel like I don't satisfy him.I don't have large breasts,and that's one less thing for him to be attracted to me about and one reason to find something/someone more attractive.I know how much he still finds me attractive and he always tells me at the most random times.I just know that I don't have everything,that I have less than everything he wants.We've never really been interested or attracted to other people over the years,and not even in the past,so I'm not too worried about him leaving me for another girl,but looking at fake girls is just the same as looking at real people to me.It just makes me really sad.He knows it does,and he does feel incredibly sorry about it,but he can't change his old habits and he knows that.

I do still love him and I believe he loves me just as much,but I've been feeling hurt and less in-love.He pays a LOT more attention to his friends than to me and now he's paying attention to these other things when neither his friends nor I am around.I feel like I hold little significance in his life.Whenever I think about breaking up with him,I can't completely resort to that because of how much we need each other right now;I'm using his laptop because my family can't afford one for me right now and I go to his dorm a lot because I haven't made many friends in college yet and I don't have much to do in my own dorm,I'm going to stay with him and his family during Summer,and he sometimes needs my help when he's low on supplies such as socks,shampoo and body wash(he's using my extra bottle right now),and food.I would also feel lost without him,despite how much sadness he is giving me right now.I was fine without a boyfriend before meeting him,and now that I have been with him for so long,I feel like I would be very lonely and my life would be very different without him and I know I wouldn't want to and couldn't find someone else I would be interested in.We're linked in a lot of relationships,too,more so with each other's families.His family adores me and mine adores him,and his mom is my older sister's friend as well as co-worker/boss.I don't want to break a lot of people's hearts and tear off relationships.I don't know if just talking about it would work.I can't fully explain my feelings because I cry very easily when it comes to talking about my feelings even though I try my hardest not to.Most of the important talks we have wear off eventually,just like all of the times I tried talking to him about all of the time he spends with his friends even when I'm there(he ignores me most,if not all,of the time).After all of those talks,the only attention I do get from him is when we're lying with each other to watch a show or video and he then gets aroused from being so close,which is not the kind of attention I want;the talks to not work.I can have him read this post since I can't actually tell him about my feelings myself,but I feel like it's too much to share,while being the right things I need to say.I'm not sure what I should do.
Best Answer
Avatar universal
I don't think it has anything to do with you at all. These are cartoons after all and not actual women that he is looking at. I don't think you should feel threatened by cartoons, I think you should have a much higher value in yourself than to let cartoons bother you.

It sounds like he is neglecting you in general all the time so that is the part I would focus on the most in fixing. It's not right for him to never make time for you and your relationship. He's taking you for granted and should be told that if he doesn't start appreciating you and making you feel like he wants a girlfriend then you'll just leave and he can have all the free time he wants to do whatever he wants. You need to shake some sense into him and make him realize that if it's such a huge burden for him to be an active participant in the relationship then it's over. Period. Don't let him keep pushing you aside to spend time with everyone else making you feel like you're lucky if you get to see him once every couple of weeks. That's not a relationship.
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973741 tn?1342342773
I think chima gave great advice.  Thank you chima.  

When porn is an issue, it is wise to see that as a deal breaker in a relationship.  luck to the poster
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Avatar universal
Umm. It's not the porn, and not think of me as a girl. It's respect. Why are females feelings repeated minimized, and females told to respect. Females are equal in feelings.
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10514421 tn?1412442873
You're right that I should value myself more.I shouldn't compare myself to a fake something that has been created as mens' impossible fantasy.I'm real,that isn't.He didn't even state or hint that he prefers those cartoons over me,I'm being pretty paranoid.I'll work on my confidence.

Taking me for granted...that's a really great way to describe the situation.If you had said "aah,he doesn't care about you.dump him" or something along those lines,I would have disagreed.But,yes,he seems to believe I'm something that's his and that he'll always have.I need to have another talk to him about the attention I'm getting.As I said before,the previous talks never worked,but I never did say enough and I never stressed how serious it is to me by saying that I've been thinking about breaking up if nothing changes.I'll find a time or way to seclude him,so his roommate doesn't have to be around during the conversation,and I'll make a letter so I can actually get everything in that I need to say and I'll start it off with that.I'm glad he'll always make time if I tell him that we need to talk about something serious.I need to start thinking about the possibility of actually breaking up,too,so I can be prepared for that,if that becomes the case.

Thank you very much,you don't realise how much your advice helps me.
Helpful - 0
10514421 tn?1412442873
I have heard about a study that shows that "stable" men prefer small breasts.The ones that marry could also be the stable ones,while the ones that do not marry,the "unstable" ones,prefer larger breasts but do not add to the marriage pool,for whatever reason(e.i they run through many lusty relationships and never have a steady one or they believe marriages are over-rated).I think stability in such cases means how mature a man is.I don't think my boyfriend is very mature.Sure,he can be,but he's still very goofy.That could also be because he is 19.Most men marrying women with small breasts could also be because of what most men judge to be "the kind of girl you want to take home to your mother";the one they want to settle down with and have a life with,thus the one they see as a good wife.

What I mean by this is,he could very much be truly attracted to large breasts and not simply influenced by what other males believe to be attractive.Of course,I'm not saying you're wrong.Your statement makes a lot of sense.I would like to feel like he's just somewhat hypnotized by what the general idea of an attractive woman is,so I really appreciate what you said,but I don't feel like that is it.I feel like he watches this kind of porn constantly because of its large-breasted women,and my lack of large breasts.
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Avatar universal
You know, I do think Men like breasts but yet, I think even They realize how much They 'over rate' them as I observe there are many, many, many Men who fall in love with and marry small breasted Women.  If large breasts were THAT important to Men wouldn't They hold out to marry only large breasted Women?   I think it has much more to do with Men being 'visual' than it does that Men really 'wan't that in a Woman.  I also suspect Men 'think' They should 'react' somehow over large breasts 'cuz They kinda', sorta' 'expect' that behavior from each other.  It's like 'locker room talk' - most of the stories They tell each other probably aren't real or true but They 'expect' that kind of talk from each other and sometimes try to 'outdo' each other in Their story-telling.  I've said before, I think there is a section in some male brains that remain forever 17 years old (but it's basically harmless).
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