Can you really be "just friends" with an ex?

[hdhottie]

I have dated a man for the last two years.....we started out as the best of friends, with some pretty great conversations, good times "hanging out". My shoulder was there for him to cry on when his girlfriend left him, totally ripped his heart out. I moved out of state for 6 months for work, and we talked every day, IM'd and video-chatted, he came to visit me and I came back twice in that 6 months to stay with him. When I moved back, I moved in...but right before I came back, his ex girlfriend came back into his life, and he slept with her. Technically, at that time, we were not together, so I let it slide...until she told him in December that she thought she was pregnant. Which was a lie...even if she was pregnant, there is no doubt (medically) that it was not his. So here I am, living in his home, and he's got this hanging over his head. So, I told him he needed to take care of it and moved out. But I was still there for him, to talk to, etc, which he did. Then, he told me it was over with her on 12/26/06 and we got back together on New Year's 2007. I found out that night that he did sleep with her one more time, between these two dates, and it kind of wrecked me. Our relationship went downhill from there...communication stopped. We spent all our time together, but he was already in that "comfortable, I have someone here with me" stage, and I was still in the first stages of the relationship, needing affection, communication, etc. It didn't get any better, and the friendship deteriorated as well, until November of this year (yes, I tried). I got fed up, and I talked to him, laid it all on the line. He told me he loved me, he cared for me, but he was not IN love with me...and I know I deserve more. He'd also stated that he would never get back with his ex....and our relationship has improved tremendously. We talk more, we have more fun, I call him on his **** now, not so diplomatically as I did before...and now he's also talking to his ex. I honestly believe I can be just friends with him, but what we had in our relationship colors how he thinks of me, and he doesn't understand that I feel more free and open with him now. Can we really be "just friends" which is my wish, and his fervent desire, or should I just get the hell out?

[WasatchRebel]

I've had an online and phone call relationship with my first girlfriend who I split up with over 35 years ago. I tried to keep it a friendship, but we both became to emotionally involved, to the point where we had to cut way back on how much we were talking, because we are both married to other people, whom we love. I'm not sure it's possible to have just a friendship if you still have romantic feelings for the other person.

[Countryboy1214]

Yes you can be friends cause i do it to me an my ex are like bestie's an she dating someone right now cause if what you too had together was real then friendship will work. Its not easy cause i still get upset an down that shes gone with someone else but i can't stop it i just keep my head up an go cause theirs that part of me that cared an loved her that im willing to make friendship work with us.

[treazzure007]

why would you want to be friends w/ this guy anyway?  he doesn't meet my definition of a friend.  he's very disrespectful and obviously has this unrelenting burning desire and sexual attraction to his ex -while you, getting back in a relationship over and over, have that feeling for him.  leave on good terms and leave him to her.  the woman he should be friends with, talking to, leaning on for years is her

you will find a man who desires you like that one day if you let things move on

[Jasmine205]

I chose NOT to be friends with exes, to much history there. I am sure lots of people do it successfully, but you yourself know if it will cause problems already in advance of trying.
You never want to be seen as "old reliable" where they sort of emotionally use you, within there no relationships time and toss you again when in a relationship.
I just don't bother going that route at all, saves the headaches.
If I see them, I say hi. But that's it.

[Vance2335]

I don't think you can be just friends. If things do not work out with his ex and he wants sex, what do you think he is going to do? He is going to try to get you in bed and if you don't he is going to hold some resentment about it.
I can't state that as fact but I was in that situation and now when I look back at it I caused the girl more harm by having sex with her knowing that it was just sex and even though she said she knew that it was just sex but it was more to her.

[mami1323]

The answer is "yes" you can just be friends but it is only if you are completely over him in a romantic sense.  If feelings linger for him, then it will be extremely difficult to move on with your life and have him still be part of your life.  If all you desire is a friendship and there is nothing holding you back from dating and meeting someone else, then why can't you be friends?  If he finds someone else, will you be jealous?  Those are questions you need to be able to answer before you can consider a friendship.  Also, depending on how things evolve, if you both get involved with other people, you have to consider how they would feel about your "friendship".  His new girlfriend or your new boyfriend may not be so comfortable about two people who once had a relationship still carrying on a friendship.  So it may not work out in the long run anyway.  You need to see if it is worth still having him be a part of your life.