did I do the right thing?

[sweetpea03]

I have 2 friends I've known since 5th grade. We were really close all the way up until about last year. We're in our 3rd year of college. They both go to the same university and I go to a university about half an hour away. For the last 2 years, I'd drive down to visit them at their dorm, and now apartment. I always made an effort to to keep in touch and see how they were doing. They were very supportive through the time when I had major surgery, and we'd always see each other at the annual Christmas party.

So about 2 weeks ago, one of the friends(lets call her friend A) planned a surprise party for the other friend(call her friend B). She invited me a week prior to it happening. I already had plans that day with my boyfriend, since it is his day off from work, and I don't get to see him that often. I called friend A and asked if I could bring along my boyfriend to the party. She's met him one time, when I first started dating him. She knows of him, and I've been with my boyfriend for a while now, so it's not like he's just some new guy. Well she says no, that she invited a lot of people and that their apartment is not that big. I mentioned that this is just one more person going, and she still said no. (as if everyone she invited is actually going to be there).

Well I ended up just telling her I can't make it. I already have plans, and am not going to back out on my boyfriend for the last minute party. I would have liked to bring my boyfriend to the party and had him included. He hasn't met friend B, though they both know of each other. I've had problems with friend A for a long time now with her acting weird about my relationship. She will not get over it for what ever reason. I've now stopped putting in the effort to keep in contact. I feel like it was the last straw with her and I'm sick of it. She won't even try to get to know him, never has talked to him. I'm so disappointed that these "friends" are acting like this.

Am I right to stop trying? I still have this nagging feeling that maybe I should still talk to her or do something else. I really don't know what else to do. She will never admit to not liking my boyfriend and says she doesn't even know him, yet will not see him. Her actions are a whole lot different than her words. Any ideas as to why she is like this? I'm just lost...

[Momo1409]

I didn't read the other comments.

I think you are doing the right thing. I made the same choice not very long ago myself.

I've had one best friend since first grade and the other since 6th. When I moved to be with my bf. I tried to keep in touch with them. After awhile one friend got a bf and stopped talking to me. I moved back closer and she would make and cancel plans to be with her bf. I gave up on trying. And stop talking to her. I kept talking to the other friend and most conversations and nights out she b*tched bout the other. She also won't allow my bf around and was just not mature at all. My bf has to kids and I grew up fast. I couldn't handle the high school drama.

I don't talk to either now and I feel better for it. I'm sad we grew apart but it happens.

I'm not sure what my point was there. Just had to share.

[sweetpea03]

I told her I had plans.. I didn't want to back out on my boyfriend again(I've been sick for the last week, so had to cancel twice). It's just frustrating that I always have to be the one to make the effort. Plus friend A's boyfriend is always there, and I've never said anything about it. I know she really likes him, so I treat him as I would a friend. It's not like this is a girl's night, it's a party with both sexes present. And my boyfriend isn't new, he's been around for a year(been dating for a year). They both know of him, and they know how I feel. Yet she has no consideration for my feelings? I just don't get her.

[lovemykids465]

I agree with teko, if you have been friends for that long I would not end a friendship over this. Just tell her you have plans but do not cut her out of your life permanently.  I hope things work out with your BF but what if they don't? Is it worth loosing a life long friendship over?

[sweetpea03]

It wasn't intimate though.. there were people invited that she's known for maybe a month. I've put in all the effort to keep our friendship and always call, text, facebook, etc to stay in touch. I don't get that effort from her. She is ALWAYS busy, supposedly, and just doesn't make the time for me. I've gotten so tired of being the one who keeps us together. I drive down there, they never drive to see me. It has gotten so frustrating to me. Friendship is a 2 way street, and to me, it feels like it's all on my side for effort.

[teko]

Maybe friend A just wanted to keep the surprise party amongst close friends and family? I mean it seems innocent enuff to want to take the bf and all, but if everyone coming was doing that then it would cease to be the intimate party she planned and you cannot say okay to one and no so someone else. Also would it be possible that friend A might feel like you have put them on the backburner so to speak since meeting this guy? You have been friends for a long time, and I would not give up on them so easily. You could have attended the party for an hour or so and then gotten together with you bf later as well. Maybe your friend feels like they dont rank with you anymore? And maybe feeling a little left out themselves?