Open Gay Long Distance Relationship Advice?

[youngguy800]

Sorry in advance for the long post and for sounding like a bad shallow person. I'm a 25 year old gay male dating a 29 yr old gay male for a little over 2 years. I don't think I am completely fulfilled sexually. We are good friends and have a good sex life when we see each other but we are long distance and only see one another like twice a month. We are both busy with school/work. I workout about 5 times a week and he has basically let himself go. One might say I am better looking but I think he is handsome.. I have considered seeking experiences outside the relationship (or bringing guys in) but he is very jealous paranoid and possessive and nixed the idea. It seems to me that all my visually gifted gay friends in long term relationships (or single) sleep with numerous other guys (and try to sleep with me) even when they are living in the same town. whether or not they lie to their partners i'm not sure but I can't lie I think dishonesty is the worst. It's hard to say no when some are so good looking. My gay friends act like he is holding me back.. I have not slept with many guys and feel like I am missing out on my youth and afraid I will REGRET it one day looking back when I'm older and can't "get with anyone" and haven't lived fully.. but I also don't want to screw up a relationship bc having a good companion is most important in the long run. I worry that maybe this means he isn't the one for me. I think it's a good relationship but we have our issues for sure and have been off and on and there are definitely things we would change about each other... some things that we can work on some thing we cannot but I cant really see myself wanting to be with anyone else long-term for various reasons not just sexually.  

[Londres70]

Agree with Chima.

You want an open relationship and he doesn't, so that's that.  It isn't going to work between you two as you both aren't looking for the same type of relationship.  It doesn't matter about what you two look like.

I really don't blame him, your bf, for wanting to be monogamous as doing the alternative is asking for problems.  He may be jealous, however, I am sure he has concerns about risks of contracting STDs as that is a huge risk when you live this type of lifestyle (having several sex partners).  

You sound like someone who isn't looking to settle down in a monogamous, committed relationship and your friend is.  

I would recommend you figure out what YOU want and not base your decisions on what your friends are doing.  

Be open and clear with your bf and go from there.  If the friendship is great then maybe there is a possibility you two can consider the option of remaining platonic friends.

[Nighthawk61]

Bottom line, there is only a percentage of long distance relationships that work.... I would think that a lot would depend critically on if there was a permanent relationship in place prior to the relationship becoming long distance...

The fact that you are attracted and even considering needing or wanting to check out other men, means that you are not quite ready to settle down, and I think you need to acknowledge that for whatever the reason, the long distance relationship or your partner, is not enough to satisfy your needs right now......

I would suggest offering your partner an alternative to monogamy , and suggest an open relationship where you both date others, until such a time that you are both able to be in a "normal" daily communication, but as you've said that he is jealous, that probably wouldn't happen or even be appreciated as an offer.... but it is one solution......

I'm proud of you for not cheating, and being sensitive and responsible enough as a partner not to cheat......You're a good person, someday you will make a wonderful partner in a typical 24/7 relationship with somebody, but i honestly think that since you are looking and considering multiple partners, you need time on your own before committing. This might hurt your partner, and he may say some awful things, but PLEASE don't take it personally, You're doing nothing wrong.
As I said, a LDR is not acceptable for many people., as a consideration in a relationship.

i wish you all the best, and hope you keep up updated about how you're feeling, and how you're going to handle this conundrum.


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[specialmom]

Hi there.  I contend you really CAN have a relationship with someone you are 'friends' with (and have that awesome rapport that is also a fantastic lover.  It's settling if you desire both equally and you don't have that in your mate.  I would consider that you may need to leave this relationship to look for the 'right' partner to be with.  

Agree that cheating isn't the way to go.  good luck

[Life360_Dave]

I think when we use the word sleep we are making it seem a loving gentle soothing event where in reality is raw sex.

[Chima7]

Here's the bottom line: If you're no longer getting what you need from the relationship and the bad outweighs the good, then it's time to part ways. But you have to ask yourself what's more important at this phase of your life? Do you want to run around and sleep with as many guys as possible? Then stay single and do that. Or are you at a point now where you want to settle down and focus on companionship and being a team from this point forward?

I don't advocate cheating and I think it doesn't say much for friends if that's what they are encouraging you to do. Good people with integrity do not cheat on their partners. They either work out the problem with their partner or they break up and sleep around with however many people they want as a single person. Don't let peer pressure from your friends encourage you to go down the path of cheating because that's just wrong on every level.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi, it would appear that you want a long term relationship for security and you want short term sex relationships as well. You say you are missing out but missing out on what? I think you need to be honest with your self as to what your desires are all about as you use the word "sleeping" and not the word "sex" and i wonder why that is. You also mention your friends say your partner is holding you back, back from what?