Aa
Oral Sex Help
Not sure if this is the right place to ask this but here it goes.
I've been married 10 years to my wife and I love her but something bothers me. I give her oral sex constantly and am very attentive to her orgasm. She cannot orgasm by intercourse so I either do oral or manual stimulation until she orgasms. But, she only rarely returns this even though she knows I appreciate it and even worse she has never "completed" the job. I'm not saying that she has to do it all the time but I would think once in a while it would be nice. She knows I would like her to and we've talked about it but she never does. I had girlfriends who did that and I loved it. I know it sounds funny but I felt like it was a commitment that I was looking for. I give my all to the sexual needs of my wife and want that same commitment in return. I'm not asking for something that is bizarre, I'm just asking her to swallow once in a while.
Does anyone have any suggestions or am I just being a jerk? I don't think I'm being a jerk because it's not like a guy doesn't get female fluid in his mouth.
I love her very much but sometimes am disappointed that she does not have a good sexual imagination or sexual energy.
Any one have a recommendation?
I've been married 10 years to my wife and I love her but something bothers me. I give her oral sex constantly and am very attentive to her orgasm. She cannot orgasm by intercourse so I either do oral or manual stimulation until she orgasms. But, she only rarely returns this even though she knows I appreciate it and even worse she has never "completed" the job. I'm not saying that she has to do it all the time but I would think once in a while it would be nice. She knows I would like her to and we've talked about it but she never does. I had girlfriends who did that and I loved it. I know it sounds funny but I felt like it was a commitment that I was looking for. I give my all to the sexual needs of my wife and want that same commitment in return. I'm not asking for something that is bizarre, I'm just asking her to swallow once in a while.
Does anyone have any suggestions or am I just being a jerk? I don't think I'm being a jerk because it's not like a guy doesn't get female fluid in his mouth.
I love her very much but sometimes am disappointed that she does not have a good sexual imagination or sexual energy.
Any one have a recommendation?
slow-healer - why dont you just keep your two-cents to yourself. this forum is about opinion. the OP asked for advice and opinions and thats what hes getting. from all walks of life. they way you attacked me about my opinion is almost as ridiculous as your comment about rockrose being honset with the guy about what oral sex is like for a woman. DO NOT tell me to lighten up. if you want to sit here all day long talking about blow-jobs, be my guest. if you want to devote all your time to helping this guy get his wife to go down on him, thats great. my opnion was clear and concise and the OP can do with it what he pleases. its not your job to defend anyone, so i dont know why you need to comment on other peoples responses. do you have nothing better to do?
I wish this board had a poll function. Count me in with RockRose! :-)
My first thought was: since obviously both sexes never seem to be too enthusiastic about performing oral sex, it would only be fair if both partners "contribute" equally in that department. So either that means your wife owes you some favors or you reduce yours.
At the same time, I have never felt and acted in terms of doing favors or conditioning a sexual relationship. It all should come as part of the fun of feeling close to one`s partner and pleasing one another is just part of it. Through the course of a relationship, routines need to be broken up, maybe your wife is not even that keen on receiving oral sex anymore, who knows. And maybe she would not mind giving oral sex if you had not mentioned you want her to swallow. At some point you have to figure out each others likes and wishes anew.
Now about the swallowing part. Why would it make a difference in physical sensation for you whether she swallows or not, where your sperm ends up? If oral sex gets you to the point of no return, does it matter? Is it something about their partner`s submission that men enjoy? Even though I can understand any man who doesn`t want to sink his face into female territory, the swallowing always has this touch of a power game. That`s hard to deal with. It is like saying: here, drink this can of glue, just for me...
At the same time, I have never felt and acted in terms of doing favors or conditioning a sexual relationship. It all should come as part of the fun of feeling close to one`s partner and pleasing one another is just part of it. Through the course of a relationship, routines need to be broken up, maybe your wife is not even that keen on receiving oral sex anymore, who knows. And maybe she would not mind giving oral sex if you had not mentioned you want her to swallow. At some point you have to figure out each others likes and wishes anew.
Now about the swallowing part. Why would it make a difference in physical sensation for you whether she swallows or not, where your sperm ends up? If oral sex gets you to the point of no return, does it matter? Is it something about their partner`s submission that men enjoy? Even though I can understand any man who doesn`t want to sink his face into female territory, the swallowing always has this touch of a power game. That`s hard to deal with. It is like saying: here, drink this can of glue, just for me...
Wow girliegrl, lighten up. How is reaming out the OP going to help? Are you here to help or just vent? His problem is fair enough. I think we all have little things we wish our partners would just do differently or feel differently about.
The OP doesn't say anywhere that this is ground for divorce, or that he can't live without it. He came to a bunch of strangers wondering if his feelings were justified, and whether he should move forward with discussing this with his wife. The fact that he decided to get a second opinion is admirable in itself, as many people NEVER reach out for input on any kind of sexual problem. It's far better than him keeping his mouth shut and harbouring resentment for the next 10 years of his marriage. Why attack him for reaching out for a second opinion?
The OP doesn't say anywhere that this is ground for divorce, or that he can't live without it. He came to a bunch of strangers wondering if his feelings were justified, and whether he should move forward with discussing this with his wife. The fact that he decided to get a second opinion is admirable in itself, as many people NEVER reach out for input on any kind of sexual problem. It's far better than him keeping his mouth shut and harbouring resentment for the next 10 years of his marriage. Why attack him for reaching out for a second opinion?
personally, im with the majority of other women who don't love it, but will do it here and there if the mood is right or if he really deserves it for some reason or another. but let me tell you it doesnt happen often and my husband is not complaining. i make up for it in other respects. at the same time, i don't expect oral sex from him and get it about as often as i give it.
that being said, as to your problem, heres what i think:
one thing you didnt mention was whether or not your wife EVER did this for you. if she never has, even in the beginning of your relationship, then the previous "honeymoon" theory mentioned by others, doesn't apply. and, i would assume that if she has never done this for you, chances are, there's a good reason. if this is the case, i would say respect your wife's wishes and quit whining. why are men so whiney when it comes to things like this? i think if you stopped giving your wife oral sex, chances are, she would live with it and love you anyway. of course, raindelay, once again, giving excuses to have an affair, or "tryst" as he likes to call it. "hey, your wife won't give your oral sex, okay, then go find someone who will! no, seriously, if she just plain doesn't like it or doesn't want to, then why can't you live without it? will you die? no.
whats more, juiceman, is rockrose is probably right in her assumption. you are obviously a man. men live in a fantasy world where they think women love to do all these things you see in adult movies and on the internet. no juiceman, there are not many women out there who absolutely love giving head and swallowing *** or having men *** all over their face. if ALL of your friends who are women tell you otherwise then 1. they are lying to you or 2. you have a lot of friends who are porn-stars. don't come on here flying off the handle about how you know women like to give oral sex. it just makes you sound silly.
lastly, if you wife used to give you oral sex (OP) and has now stopped and refuses to do so, then maybe you need to actually TALK to her and not come on here and ask a bunch of strangers why your wife wont give you oral sex. if you've talked about it and she is aware of your desire and still hasn't done it, what more can you do? are you willing to leave her over it? get a divorce because of lack of oral sex? if not, then like i said before, live with it. find ways around it. otherwise, leave your wife and go marry someone who loves to give oral sex. i dont know what else to tell you. another thing is, in your post, you are so high and mighty about how you do everything your wife needs in bed and always give her orgasm. while thats great and im sure well appreciated by your wife, you need to understand that there is life outside of the bedroom.
i hope you and your wife can work out this huge problem - i wish i had time to worry about such things.
that being said, as to your problem, heres what i think:
one thing you didnt mention was whether or not your wife EVER did this for you. if she never has, even in the beginning of your relationship, then the previous "honeymoon" theory mentioned by others, doesn't apply. and, i would assume that if she has never done this for you, chances are, there's a good reason. if this is the case, i would say respect your wife's wishes and quit whining. why are men so whiney when it comes to things like this? i think if you stopped giving your wife oral sex, chances are, she would live with it and love you anyway. of course, raindelay, once again, giving excuses to have an affair, or "tryst" as he likes to call it. "hey, your wife won't give your oral sex, okay, then go find someone who will! no, seriously, if she just plain doesn't like it or doesn't want to, then why can't you live without it? will you die? no.
whats more, juiceman, is rockrose is probably right in her assumption. you are obviously a man. men live in a fantasy world where they think women love to do all these things you see in adult movies and on the internet. no juiceman, there are not many women out there who absolutely love giving head and swallowing *** or having men *** all over their face. if ALL of your friends who are women tell you otherwise then 1. they are lying to you or 2. you have a lot of friends who are porn-stars. don't come on here flying off the handle about how you know women like to give oral sex. it just makes you sound silly.
lastly, if you wife used to give you oral sex (OP) and has now stopped and refuses to do so, then maybe you need to actually TALK to her and not come on here and ask a bunch of strangers why your wife wont give you oral sex. if you've talked about it and she is aware of your desire and still hasn't done it, what more can you do? are you willing to leave her over it? get a divorce because of lack of oral sex? if not, then like i said before, live with it. find ways around it. otherwise, leave your wife and go marry someone who loves to give oral sex. i dont know what else to tell you. another thing is, in your post, you are so high and mighty about how you do everything your wife needs in bed and always give her orgasm. while thats great and im sure well appreciated by your wife, you need to understand that there is life outside of the bedroom.
i hope you and your wife can work out this huge problem - i wish i had time to worry about such things.
There's another thread whereby a young lady is concerned that her boyfriend doesn't do all the nice things he used to do for her when they first started dating. It's not much different than what I've seen written here in some ways.
It's amusing the honesty of some early posts regarding how this act was done early in the relationship out of eagerness for the relationship to work or to please their partner. But, things have dropped off now that the relationship has progressed or marriage set in.
We acknowledge that they wonder why our partner may be looking at porn, having a tryst, or showing signs disinterest in a physical relationship. Well, the bait-and-switch may be an answer to "why doesn't my husband/wife pursue me like he/she used to?"
Well maybe it's because you used to give your physical life all your effort and creativity and now you can't be bothered with the occasional uncomfortable act.
As an aside, in the course of time it takes most women to reach orgasm via oral sex, the average male more than easily consumes a fluid that is equal to or greater than the average male ejaculation. I have to agree that the occasional completion of that act seems appropriate and typically dutifully appreciated.
It's amusing the honesty of some early posts regarding how this act was done early in the relationship out of eagerness for the relationship to work or to please their partner. But, things have dropped off now that the relationship has progressed or marriage set in.
We acknowledge that they wonder why our partner may be looking at porn, having a tryst, or showing signs disinterest in a physical relationship. Well, the bait-and-switch may be an answer to "why doesn't my husband/wife pursue me like he/she used to?"
Well maybe it's because you used to give your physical life all your effort and creativity and now you can't be bothered with the occasional uncomfortable act.
As an aside, in the course of time it takes most women to reach orgasm via oral sex, the average male more than easily consumes a fluid that is equal to or greater than the average male ejaculation. I have to agree that the occasional completion of that act seems appropriate and typically dutifully appreciated.
This discussion was closed by the MedHelp Community Moderation team. If you have any questions please
contact us.
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
