Aa
jealousy?
so my fiance had to move to florida for a few months for schoo. and I trust him not to cheat on me but he goes to a diving school so its all guys. horny single guys and they go to the strip club all the time and I cant help but get so jealous. not just that but I saw in his phone that his friend was bringing some girl to chill with them and he told him to tell her to bring a hot friend. idk what that means.. any help on how I.can not be so jealous? the distance plus pregnancy hormones are making me go crazy :(
I agree with Londres completely.
The ONLY person you can control in this situation is YOU. YOU have to decide what is okay and what isn't. An occasional trip to a strip club for a bachelor party might be acceptable, it might not. Frequenting those kinds of clubs all the time, different story, IMO. It also boils down to him respecting what YOU are comfortable with.
There are some women who wouldn't mind their BF/husband going to a strip club, then there are others who would NEVER approve of it, and part of a relationship is respecting how our partners feel about certain things. It doesn't sound like he's too worried how you feel either way.
I think the biggest red flag, to me, is the text request to "bring a hot girl". The problem with text messages, you'll never really know the true intent behind it. He could tell you he was joking, but how do you really know? It seems to me that your BF is acting like a single man, rather than one with a commited partner and a baby on the way. He really should be spending his time with you, planning for the new baby, settling down, not living the life of a bachelor.
Like Londres said, it's up to YOU to decide what all you can and can't tolerate. Just remember that you don't have to "settle", and just because you're having his baby, doesn't mean you have to "settle". You have the right to be treated as you want to be treated, bottom line.
The jealousy feelings may be a combination of not feeling good about yourself, along with you not trusting your BF. I agree,.,.spend your time and energy on YOU and planning for the arrival of your precious baby!
I think you have quite a bit of thinking and soul searching to do.
The ONLY person you can control in this situation is YOU. YOU have to decide what is okay and what isn't. An occasional trip to a strip club for a bachelor party might be acceptable, it might not. Frequenting those kinds of clubs all the time, different story, IMO. It also boils down to him respecting what YOU are comfortable with.
There are some women who wouldn't mind their BF/husband going to a strip club, then there are others who would NEVER approve of it, and part of a relationship is respecting how our partners feel about certain things. It doesn't sound like he's too worried how you feel either way.
I think the biggest red flag, to me, is the text request to "bring a hot girl". The problem with text messages, you'll never really know the true intent behind it. He could tell you he was joking, but how do you really know? It seems to me that your BF is acting like a single man, rather than one with a commited partner and a baby on the way. He really should be spending his time with you, planning for the new baby, settling down, not living the life of a bachelor.
Like Londres said, it's up to YOU to decide what all you can and can't tolerate. Just remember that you don't have to "settle", and just because you're having his baby, doesn't mean you have to "settle". You have the right to be treated as you want to be treated, bottom line.
The jealousy feelings may be a combination of not feeling good about yourself, along with you not trusting your BF. I agree,.,.spend your time and energy on YOU and planning for the arrival of your precious baby!
I think you have quite a bit of thinking and soul searching to do.
Of course you can't stop what he wants to do, but the question is can you or will you ACCEPT this going out to strip clubs, etc.?
Your statement...."is there any chance he just wants to be a guy and hand out with them since its all the other guys wanna do?" I made a point about this in my previous post. Going to "strip clubs" isn't something EVERY and ALL guys do. I know my husband doesn't. To add: why would you want someone who "follows the crowd?"
It's up to you to accept this or not. Becoming jealous over this and that is an issue with you, not him. Furthermore, if these situations are causing you to become upset and jealous, then it is obvious you are NOT accepting of the situation and/or what he is doing.
You better make sure you and your bf are on the same page about expectations and what you all will and will not accept in regards to your relationship.
How not to be so jealous? That's a loaded question and you will have to look INWARD yourself for that answer. And if you really did feel secure about yourself and your bf you WOULDN'T be feeling this way.
Do you work or go to school? Why don't you try redirecting all these negative feelings, etc. by doing something positive and meaningful. Take all this focus off this bf. FOCUS more you and your baby on the way.
Being "stressed" is YOUR choice and no one else's if you decide to stay in this.
Your statement...."is there any chance he just wants to be a guy and hand out with them since its all the other guys wanna do?" I made a point about this in my previous post. Going to "strip clubs" isn't something EVERY and ALL guys do. I know my husband doesn't. To add: why would you want someone who "follows the crowd?"
It's up to you to accept this or not. Becoming jealous over this and that is an issue with you, not him. Furthermore, if these situations are causing you to become upset and jealous, then it is obvious you are NOT accepting of the situation and/or what he is doing.
You better make sure you and your bf are on the same page about expectations and what you all will and will not accept in regards to your relationship.
How not to be so jealous? That's a loaded question and you will have to look INWARD yourself for that answer. And if you really did feel secure about yourself and your bf you WOULDN'T be feeling this way.
Do you work or go to school? Why don't you try redirecting all these negative feelings, etc. by doing something positive and meaningful. Take all this focus off this bf. FOCUS more you and your baby on the way.
Being "stressed" is YOUR choice and no one else's if you decide to stay in this.
thanks for the responses. let me clear sone things up. I am pregnant. and when he was telling his friend to.brring a hot friend they werent going to the strip club then. I guess that was just a hang out thing. but he said it never happened. as for the strip club.. I cant stop what he wants to do with all his guy friends. is there any chance he just wants to be a guy and hand out with them since its all the other guys wanna do? he only has 4 more weeks left in florida. I just dont wanna stress being 8 months
Strip clubs, asking for a "hot girl" for him, he is in Florida away from you.......sounds like you need to figure out if this is the kind of guy you want as a partner and will you accept this poor choice in behavior. His motto must be "out of sight out of mind" in regards to you.
He KNOWS he has a pregnant gf and I am sure at his age he KNOWS what's appropriate and what's not. He has CHOICES. No one is MAKING him make these terrible choices.
Personally, I have NEVER and will NEVER accept any man going to these "strip clubs" to waste money watching some tramp swinging around a pole, etc. and doing disgusting things with the men OR any man going behind my back asking his friend to tell his female friend to bring one of her "hot" friends for him.
I find his actions a "slap in your face" and PURE disrespect. You should ONLY give your trust to people who have given you NO reason not to trust them......sorry, but your bf has crossed over to the UNTRUSTWORTHY side.
Hey, if he was single and unattached, then the things he is doing would be NO biggie, but he is the one who decided to be in a relationship and have a child with you so he should ACT like he is in a relationship and not single and unattached.
He sounds YOUNG and FOOLISH and perhaps is a "crowd follower." If he is the latter, you don't want someone following others because he is weak-minded.
I wouldn't get jealous because this is an issue with him NOT you. I would recommend talking with him about what you will and will not accept. If he isn't on board with your feelings, expectations, etc......end this.
Why go through worrying about what he is doing and who is doing it with if you don't have to?
He KNOWS he has a pregnant gf and I am sure at his age he KNOWS what's appropriate and what's not. He has CHOICES. No one is MAKING him make these terrible choices.
Personally, I have NEVER and will NEVER accept any man going to these "strip clubs" to waste money watching some tramp swinging around a pole, etc. and doing disgusting things with the men OR any man going behind my back asking his friend to tell his female friend to bring one of her "hot" friends for him.
I find his actions a "slap in your face" and PURE disrespect. You should ONLY give your trust to people who have given you NO reason not to trust them......sorry, but your bf has crossed over to the UNTRUSTWORTHY side.
Hey, if he was single and unattached, then the things he is doing would be NO biggie, but he is the one who decided to be in a relationship and have a child with you so he should ACT like he is in a relationship and not single and unattached.
He sounds YOUNG and FOOLISH and perhaps is a "crowd follower." If he is the latter, you don't want someone following others because he is weak-minded.
I wouldn't get jealous because this is an issue with him NOT you. I would recommend talking with him about what you will and will not accept. If he isn't on board with your feelings, expectations, etc......end this.
Why go through worrying about what he is doing and who is doing it with if you don't have to?
Diving.... got it. That still doesn't change things. The problem is him, not diving school.
This is all about you making some decisions about you and YOUR future. Good luck to you.
This is all about you making some decisions about you and YOUR future. Good luck to you.
Your post wasn't clear about pregnancy but I hope You are not as I see strip clubs and hanging with "hot" girls as Red Flags
I'm sorry you're going through this, so are you receiving hormones to get pregnant or are you pregnant? You have to make a choice if you really believe this guy is not cheating, whether it's okay for him to go to strip clubs, with another "hot friend". Personally, when i found my husband going to a strip club i left him, i mean there were other reasons (like abuse) but that was the last straw for me. I've never regretted my decision, just wish i had done it sooner.
I personally would believe that a guy going to strip clubs with other hot woman equal cheating. I didn't put up with it. But, it's up to you, maybe it's worth staying while he goes through this "stage" of his young life. Certainly, i would talk to him about it and let him know if it is unacceptable to you. Best wishes, are you pregnant now?
I personally would believe that a guy going to strip clubs with other hot woman equal cheating. I didn't put up with it. But, it's up to you, maybe it's worth staying while he goes through this "stage" of his young life. Certainly, i would talk to him about it and let him know if it is unacceptable to you. Best wishes, are you pregnant now?
Okay, I'll bite.... so you say you trust your boyfriend but he goes to a driving school. Does that mean all drivers are male cheaters? I guess everyone has the potential to cheat, but if you've got no proof... you've got no proof.
I guess you can sit and worry about that. As for how not to be so jealous, that is something that you should take up with a therapist. Something, somewhere happened that has caused you to doubt this guys sincerity or doubt your worthiness. A therapist can totally help with that and get things sorted away in a fashion that you can understand and be able to move along with.
I guess you can sit and worry about that. As for how not to be so jealous, that is something that you should take up with a therapist. Something, somewhere happened that has caused you to doubt this guys sincerity or doubt your worthiness. A therapist can totally help with that and get things sorted away in a fashion that you can understand and be able to move along with.
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