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Resuming a sex life

I am 54 and after 14years of being single I have met someone. My history is of a violent marriage with physical assaults, verbal taunting re my sex performances, personality etc, and I was raped twice in front of our children. I have been celibate over the 14 years which has given me time to heal and allowed us as a family to grow. My new partner has indicated he wants a sexual relationship as soon as possible. I am attracted to him and also want to have a healthy sexual relationship with him and see no point in waiting as we have feelings for each other. We also live 6hrs apart so our meetings are well planned.
I have read that being abstinent so long along with onset of menopause may affect my ability to have sex. I would like to be prepared in advance for any penetration problems....have been told my vaginal entrance might have tightened and vagina shrunk. I have no problem with vaginal dryness when aroused .... we have kissed only once and that was enough to get me going.
I have not so fond memories of losing my virginity as I was so tight and so I really want to be prepared for a similar situation. My partner is 57 and is aware of my celibacy. He is prepared to wait and take it slow but I dont want to. I am ready and wanting just fearful of some stories.



This discussion is related to abstinence.
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Avatar universal
I understand Your concerns based on Your history and experience but, that (don't we all?) a sensitive, caring partner - but it sounds like He meets that criteria.
I fail to understand Your fear of being "too tight".  You are a mature Woman who has had Children.  You cannot be "tighter" than an "original" virgin who has never had Children, So, if You have a loving, caring, M A T U R E partner, who knows and understands Your concerns, then I see nothing short of a Wonderful and Beautiful Union.  With onset of menopause be prepared to use a Vaginal Moisturizer such as "Replense".

Go Forth and Enjoy!!
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.   I agree.  I don't think you will have physical barriers to sex.  I would make sure that you have some artificial lubricant as menopausal women can at times need this 'help'.  (just now seeing that tink above also mentioned this!  sorry for the repeat).

Good luck and glad you are 'trying' again.  I hope that you've had some therapy after the last abusive relationship.  
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Avatar universal
Thankyou for advice. I read about the tightness and thought it strange. My new partner knows my history and know I dont like being thought of as a victim. I have never sought counselling, just done a lot of reading, reflecting and evaluation. My partner knows I am nervous and has booked a weekend away so that we can concentrate on each other without kids, pets, phone calls.
Thanks again. I think life is amazing.
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Avatar universal
Your partner is sensitive and caring - that's #1 - so, we've got that covered.

#2 Menopause can create a "difference" as the walls of the v a g i n a can become "thinner" at that stage of our lives.  So, "arm" YourSelf with a nice little product by KY - it's called "replense" and You will be fine!!  (don't put it under Your arm, put it "you know where".

I'm happy for You!!
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