Roving Eyes

Question

I don't know if this is my problem or his....  We are an older couple, both divorced and were both married for 20+ years to our spouses, we have been dating for about 5 months.  Here is the issue...  When we are together he is very obvious about looking at other women, to the point of doing a double take on really good looking women.  I'm not jealous because I know men look at women and vice versa, but it makes me feel insecure, and that he is still looking for someone else.  I have mentioned this to him and he says that he's just a man.  On the other hand, we have a great relationship, we communicate well, enjoy each others company, etc.  So is it me or is it him????

Cookie2011 · Answer

Thank you for all the comments...  @ Donna you got the right one this is the Roving Eyes thread and thank you, you are right a relationship should make you feel good and it does in most ways, just going to work on him with this issue.  I don't like to try to change people, but I think he's been on his own a long time and needs some "guidance!"  lol

donnalynn12 · Answer

I'm sorry that comment was meant for Roving Eyes...I'm new at this...sorry again,
Donna

donnalynn12 · Answer

When I was in my last major relationship my ex would gawk at other women and claimed he  couldn't help it he just loved women in general. I found it cruel and disrespectful and this was an ongoing issue with us. After we broke up and I ended up in my current relationship I realized that the relationship was mostly based on sex. We never had the type of relationship I have now...based on respect and honesty. Of course my partner is a photographer and looks at people in a creative way as in how would that person look in a photo...whether they are male or  female, maybe I am just lucky that he doesn't view other  women in a sexual nature, but I  think you should weigh your feelings  on his  gawking and see if it is worth staying in a relationship if  it is  affecting your self esteem. Every woman deserves someone who builds them up, not makes them feel negatively about themselves.  Good Luck and God Bless,
Donna

DellaKemp · Answer

Ok, you never said he was gawking. That is a difference then just looking and admiring.

sweetpea03 · Answer

I would definitely say it's him. Yes, we are all human and we all do look at others from time to time, but the "gawking" at other women is very rude and disrespectful. My fiance did the gawking thing once years ago and we had a talk about it afterwards about how it made me feel and it never happened again. Hopefully he'll be more respectful of you and your feelings as to be more polite in public.

RockRose · Answer

cookie,  I agree.  Men who obviously gawk at pretty women are sort of like people who scratch their crotches or talk with with their mouths full of food,   pick their noses in public.  It's not cool.  I used to work at MHMR and men counselors would actually teach men with mental retardation how to look without being obvious or graceless.

I wonder,  in other areas,  does he not care that he's behaving in an unattractive way?

Cookie2011 · Answer

Thanks for your comments!  I also look at men, but don't "gawk!"  It's not that I don't trust him, it's just how it makes me feel.  That's my problem....  Working on that one!  He did make that point, that he is with me.

DellaKemp · Answer

My husband looks at other women when we go out together. I honestly could care less because I know that I am the one that's going home with him. He is mine. We all have eyes. I mean the fact of the matter is, whether its discrete or not, he is still looking. If he has given you no reason not to trust him, then I don't think you have anything to worry about.

RainLover71 · Answer

Why don,t your eyes start doing some roving of there own,what,s good for the goose is good for the gander.

Cookie2011 · Answer

Thanks for your feedback. I agree, I think the key thing is to keep it less obvious and I told him so this weekend. He said that he would work on that. I agree that is making a scene, in a my mind. I know if I were a woman, which I am, and someone looked at me the way he does, I'd think he was trying to make a connection. Does that make sense?

specialmom · Answer

Well, to be honest--------- I think it is him.  Yes all men look . . . but heck, they can be polite and discreet about it.  I think I'd tell him that you are so happy you are together and things are going great and you appreciate him.  Then tell him you know he looks and all and all men do . . . but manners and ettiquate would say that he should try to control how he does it to be polite to you.  

What my husband does?  If he is looking and I see that------ he says sweetly" wow, you'd look really good in her outfit."  Um hm.  But his comment is one that makes me feel like he isn't really being a jerk and IS just looking.  Big deal, we laugh and move on.  Your boyfriend is making a scene with his neck twisting, eye popping behavior. 

So tell him you could care less if he looks but to tone it down to be polite.  good luck