Should I tell my husband he is not the father of my son?

[babettecon]

My husband and I have been married for 10 years with two children.  I had an affiar and became pregnant, the child is just an infant.  My husband has no idea that the child is not his.  The biological father knows that he is the father.  I have no idea what to do.  Do I tell my husband and risk him divorcing me and having my name bashed into the ground in my family and community and have our family split up?  Do I just not tell anyone and have the birth father and I be the only ones that know this dark secret?  Will my son ever want to know the truth about his birth father? The birth father is going through a divorce right now and says that he does not want us to bring it out into the open at this time.  Please do not judge me, I realize this was the biggest mistake of my life.  I am looking for advice and similar stories. Thank you for your help and consideration.  I pray that somehow I can find an answer.

[blc7911]

Here's my story.......

I found out I was pregnant in January of 2004.  I had slept with 2 men during the month I became pregnant.  One a man I wanted to be with and the other a one night stand after the man I wanted to be with called off our 6 month fling.  I immediately told my  mom and friends and they all knew my predicament.  I had also told the man I had been with for 6 months and he also knew that I had slept with someone else.  My mom is a labor and delivery nurse and said based on the date of my last period and when I had the one night stand, it didn't seem it could be his, but she had a friend do an ultrasound on me to estimate when I became pregnant.  From how far along I was, it seemed I was already about 2 weeks pregnant when i had the one night stand.  

Fast forward now 13 years later.  The man I assumed was the father never had a DNA test because my son looked just like him when he was born, red hair and all.  I always believed without a doubt he was my son's father.  However, over the last 2 years my son's facial features have started to change as he's turning into a teenager and no longer has that little boy look.  Also, his dad is over 6 feet tall and my son is short like me.  Also the man I had a one night stand with is short.  I came across his facebook page 2 nights ago and it was like I was looking at my son 20 years in the future.  My son is his mini me.  I immediately began to cry, what have I done??  Why did I not insist on having a DNA test when he was born.  And I never told him that I was pregnant or suspected there was a chance my son could be his.  I know without a doubt he is my son's biological father.  But how do I go about this?  My son has a bond with the man that has raised him since birth. I feel my son has a right to know but I don't know how disrupting to his life this would be.  And this man has a right to know he has an almost 13 year old son that looks just like him.  My son's father and I are not together and only get along for the sake of our child.  I know he's not going to handle the news that his only son is not actually his.  I also know I can't carry this secret to the grave, but I want to do what's best for my son.  

[Super579]

This is as if I have wrote this myself apart from my ex has also taken on my other two children who are not his. I feel heart broken and I really don't know what to do for the best. Do I live with the guilt or ruin my 3 kids lives and their fathers and his entire family? I don't want to lie to my son either but is it for the best helpppp

[MaNLK]

Well I also have the same problem...my boyfriend of 2 years was acting up after he got a new job...so I found a new friend who undarstood me very and we ended up having sex. after 2 days,we fixed things with my boyfriend and we had sex....now my baby is tow years and deep down I had already knew that my daughter is not my boyfriend's baby......I eventually told the "boi father" the truth and he doesnt believe me..infact he thngs that im joking.....the truth of the matter is.....THE IS NO HOLE FOR SECRETS...what happend has happend! we need to do the right thing and the right thing is to tell the truth...I know it sounds hard and it might distroy people....my sister please tell the truth as it will also set you free.

Lets do what is right. It will one day come to pass,people may talk but they will shut up...its painful but TIME HEALS ALL WONDS

[ajutor]

I made a mistake, I slept with a someone else when let's say I was kind of separated from my boyfriend, but immediately after that adventure, I made up with my boyfriend and we hat 1 magical week and after a while I found out that I am pregnant. I was sure the the child is my boyfriend's and decided to keep. I gave birth, and now I found out that the blod tipe of my child is the one like the friend from my stupid adventure. My boyfriend(still not husband), even if during pregnancy told me that he doesn't  want the child and is better to have an abortion, now he is very sweet and thrilled and I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! I am disperate, I pray every day, I cry every day(probability the milk will be affected if I won't stop), I am desperate. Please help, I need and advice. I don t know what to do. To tell him now, to wait a little till I will be less stressed because of the hormones after delivery, to keep the secret all life. I don t want to hurt anywone, anymore. How can I tell my boyfriend now about this, if he is all day getting happy messages from all his friends, boss, everybody. How can I humiliate him now?Please help, I hate myself. I love him so much

[yinah]

Mine is also bit same case, i was 26 years old and was in treatment to get conceive(Ovulation Induction) after the treatment Doctor suggested me what to be done next. As i was working women for a Corporate company i had to organize an event for Doctors. But during organizing the event at evening i was raped by a trick- i.e (someone(Anonymous, i could not even remember his face)  dragged me to washroom and abused,raped me badly) soon after i woke i was in washroom i ran and came and was in confused state whether to tell everyone and get caught for media and my life will be vanished if i report in to media. if not, i want to abort it, but still i completed the event and gone back to home at 10:00 pm, but my husband was sleeping. Thinking for a months and i got confirmation for pregnancy, was really in turmoil to take firm decision for life. After so much of attempt i was conceived and doctor told it cant be aborted as it is with hard again to get conceive. I could not even tell my raped story as it is treated as nuisance and not even accept the child which is emerging. i cant even live with my husband happily, as i am in fear of that horrible incident.i couldnot even tell my husband. After 9 months of continuous stressful time i gave birth to Girl baby, she completed 1 year. but i am in still confusion whether to tell my husband that he is not the biological father of my daughter. if i tell about rape also he may divorce me, it is also hard to keep the secret that he is not the father and truth will be revealed one fine day. i am in total confusion, i cant live with my husband - because this hidden secret is killing me day by day. please give me the solution. should i need to divorce my husband for the mistake which is not mine or should i hide this secret until it opens by itself.    

[amazingwaves]

She's your daughter and I'm sure she's beautiful! It's NOT your fault that you were raped, so your husband should be very understanding. Seek out help for rape victims, so you can learn how to cope <3

[Iknownow]

I'm 52 and recently did a DNA test, without my dad's knowledge, using a blood tinged piece of gauze from one of the many doctor's appointments I take him to. I saved the DNA because the man I thought was my father began telling me of multiple affairs that she had. I had always been treated differently than my siblings. I was scapegoated, picked on and ignored by all members of my family of origin. I am speaking from the perspective of an adult child who was denied my birth right -that of knowing who my biologicalfahter is. My 'uterine host' selfishly took that secret (and I'm quite sure many others) to her grave. She was a disappointment in life, and will remain one in death. I am now carrying the burden of the knowledge, not to mention the shock I am forced to cope with. I will never know who my father is/was. My children will never know who their grandparent is. It's an unconscionably egregious act for a mother to withhold the identity of her child's father. I believe she was miserable in her life because of her lies and her selfishness. Oh well...That's karma for ya 'mum'.    

[RayBe3]

In situations like this, no one can ever be certain of the outcome. Every person reacts different, I have encounter many stories about this, and the reaction is always different.

I will advice you to seek the Lord in this...we seem to forget that there is a purpose for our existence and we forget that the only giver of life is God and we as parents are just instruments to give life. Regardless of the circumstances under which you were conceived, know one thing...you exist because you are part of God's plan. You belong to God's family, and this life is not forever, in this life we are to live in a way to bring glory to God. Forgive your parents, forgive yourself and let go of all that resentment, stop seeking answers and start looking at the big picture and legacy of faith you live your children. You never asked to be born, but God has a plan for you and you were not created to suffer. Remember you are not a mistake...I pray and hope for your healing and forgiveness. I'm sure that if the man that raised you knew he would have made the choice to love you regardless...Jesus himself was not raised by a biological father, God is perfect and never makes a mistake, therefore you are not one and certainly no accident. Seek the purpose for which you were created and stop the self-pity. Be grateful and thankful for your life and live with purpose.

God bless you and I will keep you in my prayers, and your family.