Should I tell my husband he is not the father of my son?

[babettecon]

My husband and I have been married for 10 years with two children.  I had an affiar and became pregnant, the child is just an infant.  My husband has no idea that the child is not his.  The biological father knows that he is the father.  I have no idea what to do.  Do I tell my husband and risk him divorcing me and having my name bashed into the ground in my family and community and have our family split up?  Do I just not tell anyone and have the birth father and I be the only ones that know this dark secret?  Will my son ever want to know the truth about his birth father? The birth father is going through a divorce right now and says that he does not want us to bring it out into the open at this time.  Please do not judge me, I realize this was the biggest mistake of my life.  I am looking for advice and similar stories. Thank you for your help and consideration.  I pray that somehow I can find an answer.

[babettecon]

I am absolutely positive that he is the birth father.  No, no DNA test.  

[RockRose]

babette,  if you're absolutely positive about who the birth father is - that there's no room at all for questioning,  it sounds possible your husband knows too.  

[nikkie1580]

Yes a child does not need to know  who their bio dad is like rock rose wrote,but if this comes out in the future by mistake or the bio dad deiced it is time to come out, that stable family built on a lie will crumble and crumble hard it will be bad for and on  everyone especially the innocent ones your 2 children and husband. Hopefully if you tell him now your husband will decided to say with you and continue to with a stable family his choose the longer you lie the worse it will be.You are not the only one how knows this secret the bio dad knows to ,so you might be able take it to you grave but do you know that 100% that he will!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And if not then what will happen to that happy stable loving home you made and built for your family and children,
And as for your son what if at age 13 or older you found that your mom lied and she tells you that your dad is not your bio dad how would you feel and how would your dad a man who thought was your child was not feel.Tell your husband work it out if he decides to stay then the two of you can decide together when how and if you will tell your son.

[cheshchesh819]

i agree with above posts i would still get the dna,and if it turns out to be from the other person then your husband and everyone else do have a right to know,you will have to be honest with your child at some stage,so i would do it now.

[AnnieBrooke]

I am for telling because I don't believe the secret will keep.  Someone else knows.  The guy does, and maybe someone he has told, or the person who works at the hotel, or the person who accidentally saw you together.

I do have trouble understanding how you are so absolutely positive, if you haven't had a DNA test.  You can't judge by how a baby looks.  If you simply had not had any sex with your husband for several months and this affair was in the middle of that time period, well, as RockRose says, your husband may already know.  If he does know and has made peace with it, your options are a little less complicated.  Chances are he will want to stay married, and so at least you're not in the position of having to risk your family over the situation.  If you had sex with both men within a short time window, then there is a chance of either man being the dad.  Get the DNA test, I hear they are available at Walgreen's, and you can test with you, the baby and the man you think is the father, without your husband ever knowing.  At least you will rule out (or in) the possibility that it is your husband's.  I would do that before you do anything else.

[thinkpositively1]

I know this post is old but I was wondering how things turned out. I am in a similar situation; only I've let it eat at me for 6 years allowing a man who I know is not my daughter's father to raise her. (We haven't been in a relationship for a while now) I don't need a DNA test either and are 100% positive who her father is. Her bio father was married at the time but I wasn't. He has recently divorced and now he and I have been extensively talking about letting this cat out the bag. My conscious has been killing me but I wanted to hide this as much as he did while he was married... It just dawned on me (I'm a dummy here...) that whether then or now, the math is easy and people will still know I had an affair with a married man, then knowingly allowed another man (who I was not in a relationship with when I became pregnant) to raise her. The man who has been her father has been in love with me forever and still tries to convince me that we should be married and give "our daughter" a 2 parent home... smh Her bio dad, now divorced, says we are too old not to do the right thing and that we should be married... (sounds like some bs since if either of us was "doing the right thing", we wouldn't be in this position now.) I would love to hear your story ended well... I need encouragement and hope for a bright outcome out of this mess I've created...