Sick, young, and dating

[DJMouse]

I began dating this guy a while ago and he was fully aware of my medical conditions which at the time they thought was advanced lupus but now they think it's leukemia, but that's a whole nother issue. I've been having serious body issues in the sense that I'm having trouble feeling comfortable. I feel like my body is not a part of me because it's what's causing my medical problems, not some foreign body. Now that I;m getting worse my boyfriend isn't as affectionate and has become cold. He doesn't kiss me, hug me, or even touch me, forget about the fact we haven't had sex in a month. I'm already uncomfortable in my body and now that he doesn't want to touch me it's making it worse. I don;t know how explain this to him, and i don;t even really know what's going on. I;m so scared, I;m only 21 and I need support and affection right now, I don;t want to have to worry about whether he wants to be with me or not. I've tried to bring it up but all I know is that he doesn't want to break up. I need help, I don;t know what to do and all it's making me is more despressed and lonely.
Thanks
Mouse

[specialmom]

I agree with the above.  Some people may not know how to deal with someone that is sick.  And I'm sure you have many emotions about it as well.  It is a hard thing to deal with.
If you feel like your mental health is suffering------- please talk to your doctor about it.  As someone deals with a serious illness, that is not at all uncommon and will make things more difficult.  

I wish you a return to health and happiness.

[sweetpea03]

Well it's a good sign that he has stayed so far after already knowing you are sick. I think you need to have a heart to heart talk with him. Tell him everything you told us. People react differently when tough times come around and maybe he's scared and just doesn't know what to do. Though really, you want to have a support network of more than one person. Look to family and friends, too. Don't put all the pressure on him. When I went through major surgery my boyfriend left me and so did a couple friends. I felt abandoned, though I still had my family to help me through. So it's always good to have a few different people there to help you out. I'm sorry you're going through all of this. You can always talk to people on here, though do get your support network together and talk with your boyfriend. Good luck with it all! hugs.

[Ashelen]

Unfortunately, knowing someone you're interested in has medical problems and actually carrying on a relationship with them as they worsen are two completely different things. Plenty of long-standing marriages have fallen apart over terminal illnesses or serious medical problems. The best thing for you to do would be to look to your family and friends for support, because to rely on someone that may or may not stick around to give you the affection and support you need is dangerous, and he may pull the rug out from under you at any point if he decides to wuss out, turn tail and run. Talking to him may help in the short term but honestly I think he's quite aware of the effect that his actions are having on you. He does seem quite scared, but the real test is whether he can get over his fear and be the shoulder you need or whether he's going to be scared completely away.

Please please please find another support system...a church group, a support group, your family, your best friends, ANYone...and try to fix things with him, talk it out with him, explain what you're feeling and how his actions are affecting you...but don't put all your money on one horse, as they say. You're in too delicate of a position to bet on someone who may or may not stick around because if he leaves you high and dry and he's the only support you have in place, you're going to have a much harder time coping with everything going on.

Good luck though, I do hope he can get his act together and man up and be the support you need, just be prepared with another support system in case it's all too much for him. I'm sorry you're going through all of this :(

[jrobertson20]

He may just be scared for you and doesn't really know how to deal with this himself.  The only way he is going to know how you feel is for you to sit down and talk to him.  I would suggest maybe writing your feelings down and then when you talk with him either read it to him or have him read it himself.  Just sit down and let your heart do the talking.  Tell him that you are uncomfortable and by him not showing you affection you feel even more uncomfortable and that right now you need him to stay strong for you and be there and hold you.  I also think maybe some counseling both couples and alone.  Or you could also join a support group.  So sorry you have to deal with all this.  Good luck.