Walking Away

[Sulana]

Why is it that I can't get myself to fully let go/ release my emotional connection with my exboyfriend? In short, we work together as teachers, started dating last year, he has a son and is going through a custody battle.  i had a hard time with his son and at the same time got pregnant.  my ex decided to cheat on me cuz we were arguing over parenting issues.  he then came back and told me to have the abortion.  i found out of his infidelity and deceit a month later.  then we tried to repatch the relationship and it was hard for me to get the thought of him being with someone else out of my head.  so i lied to him and told him i slept with someone too.  that only made it worse.  he ended up leaving me stranded with no money or phone in the middle of no where in middle of the night.  still i didn't walk away.  i went away for a month to ny to get away from him  and that still didn't fully help.  when i came back i was strong, but it seems as though everytime i'm strong enough to walk away, he keeps on sucking me back into his game.  long story short, in the end, we hung out one night and he kept on going on and on about some new woman he's dating to make me jealous.  then we started making out and he wanted me to go down on him.  i said no.  he called the cops on me.  since then, i've never gone to his house again.  but he continues to be verbally abusive and emotionally manipulative.  why is it that my heart can't let go of the good time we shared because they were almost too good to be true.  why do i feel like i'm a loser and he chose someone else over me now?

[shygirl1981]

yes breaking the cycle is an incredibe thing. very empowering and it will help you choose a man who will treat you how you deserve. there are still some nice ones out there!!

[PlateletGal]

The great thing about breaking free of an abusive relationship (and usually with the help of counseling), is that you will begin to break the cycle. Breaking the cycle means you will stop going out with the abusers and then what happens is you will attract men and also be attracted to men who are healthier (emotionally) and trust me, the pay off is huge ! = )

[starymist]

ya know i always reply to posts with some smarty farty kinda reply.i guess ive kinda given up on the world in a way. but your story is like a carbon copy of mine and honey i was a gluten for punishment for years.but my little world came crumbling down when i had gotten pg, after we had tried for years to have a baby and he started cheating on me the moment he found out. he told every one is was a ***** and it wasnt his and it was horrible he talked me into going to florida with his family thet we were gonna get remarried with his family there and get right with the church and wooo wee it was gonna be better baby trust me.im sorry im just scared.i'll make it up to you ,youll see.thats all i heard after i found out about the cheating and all the rumors he told other people. instead he abanded me there with no money no family friends nothing!i finally made it back to alaska left him and moved on with my new born only to hear thet he got remarried just a few months later. to a woman with 6 kids by 6 different men and was planning on adopting all of them as his own.and he didnt want his own child or to pay child suport either. and thet the only reason i know all this is because karma has a way of catching up to you when you least expect it to. my sisters husband is an acting 1st sgt. in the army over in hawaii. and low and behold guess who  the new soldier is in my brother-in-laws hanger? thats right my exhusband who did all that stuff to me.wow and wow again and i look at all this and say gezz man what an idiot i was to sit there and be his peeing post.for when he got dumped by his little girlfriends. think about it im 34 now we got married when i was 18 and divorced when i was 4 months pregnant. believe me if i can do it so can you. and it dose get better way better.i went back to school and got the rest of my education and now own my own bussiness. i truely feel for you from the depths of my heart just be wise in your choice.if you go back and he keeps treating you badly and your child sees this will they seek out that kinda relationship as well when they get older?hhhhmmm

[anxiousmomtobe?]

You will look back on thie time in a couple of years and thank God you are not with this man.  I married for the first time at 35 and my dh was well worth the wait.  Don't settle for a jerk who makes you miserable.

[sparkeler]

Some women get "attached" to the wrong people.  You know in your head that he's toxic to you, but your having trouble convincing your heart.  Love is love and love can be blind.  Usually people who are going through a hard break up have difficulty letting go of the "good times."  For some people, that is all they can remember.  YOU KNOW you deserve better.  You have to explore ways on how to let him go.  It's going to hurt and it may be one of the hardest things you have to do.  You probably need counseling to figure out why you love this man, and then you will be able to grow.  Some women need help w/why they choose to enter in or stay in certain relationships.  (In your case, you are still in this relationship even though he is not.)  It's nothing to be ashamed of, but definatley needs to be figured out so you don't repeat the cycle.  Good luck!

[jojo24]

P.S. You're not a loser.  He's the loser.  And whoever gets him after this you should feel sorry for them, not jealous of them.  And once you get over him and see him for the dog that he is, he'll come running back to you because there was a time that he could run back and you would let him.  Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that you will always take him back.  He feeds off of that.  Leave him alone.  You'll feel better about yourself and wonder what it was you saw in him in the first place.  He's a jerk.

[jojo24]

The first thing that you have to realize is what love is. A man that loves you, no matter how hurt he is will not throw you out in the street with no money and no phone in the middle of nowhere.  A man who loves you will not ask you to go down on him and then call the cops cuz you won't do it.  A man who loves you will not verbally abuse you.  He treats you like that because you let him and if you decide not to pick up the phone when he calls, no answer the door when he stops by and not call him or stop by his place, he won't be able to treat you like that.  My fiance told me that men pray on girls that they see as weak.  Women with low self esteem, because it's easier to get what they want from them.  Don't show him that side of you anymore.  You may have to pretend that you don't care for him anymore, you may have to pretend to be strong, but ultimately, you'll start believing that you are, and the less time you spend with him, and the more time you spend with yourself, the easier it will be to see him for who he really is and that is a snake. Just remember that the devil is cute, the devil has everything you may want, the devil will make you believe he is the best thing for you.  But you can't believe the devil because he lies and is not to be trusted and he has alterior motives.  I'm not extremely religious but I believe in God and I believe if there is a God there is a devil... which one will you trust?

[oceans3]

i dont know.......i dont think she will need counseling on how to let go. i think she will just need to RE-READ her origional post here. that should do it. print it, frame it if ya need to.

[PlateletGal]

Let's get something straight... abuse is not love. Although you shouldn't have lied to him, he should not have lied to you and cheated on you. In addition, he should not be verbally and emotionally manipulative to you.

I suggest you write everything down in the past that he has said or done to you. Taking a look at that list will wake you up to reality.

Relationships like this very, very rarely ever make it. I suggest you get counseling and break away from this abusive relationship.

Best of luck...

[leif ericson]

he does NOT love you !!!   walk away, never come back !!!   h.

i'm sorry if this is not the answer you were looking for.